7 days sober. You have to want it
 

I hit rock bottom last week. Some people may think that means lying in a ditch somewhere, but for me it was my fiance tossing the ring in my face.

I had been afraid to get help for so long. I knew I needed it.

We already have a 3 year old. We got back together 6 months ago and have been engaged for a month. I lied and said I wasn't going to drink one night, and I did. Almost an entire bottle of gin. Couldn't even last 1 night. I don't blame her for breaking it off. We were trying to have another baby.

So, we break up Monday. I get a text Thursday night (I work night shift), simpy a photo with an EPT pregnancy test positive with "Now what?"

That was an interesting morning. We managed to laugh about our terrible timing, it being Friday the 13th. Sure did make for a bittersweet Valentine's the next day. We both looked at each other over the test and we didn't have to say a word to know that we were going to keep the child. What were supposed to have been tears of joy, were bittersweet tears of "What are we going to do?". And it was all my fault.

Anyway, I went through some bad withdrawals until Sunday or so. Luckily my job is a joke when I work the night shift, and I can basically snooze or just screw around online all night. I saw my Dr. on Tuesday and asked about 1 of the 3 FDA approved drugs, and was on my way to the store to pick up a bottle of Naltrexone. This was yesterday. I feel so hopeful and amazing right now. My thoughts are already more clear than they have been in a long long time. New feelings. With the Naltrexone I have no interest in a beer. It made me a little groggy, but that was it.

I know I know. Only 1 week. 1 pill of Naltrexone. What do I know?

I know that I actually WANT it this time. I don't mourn the loss of alcohol. It was getting lame anyway. I hit the IPA's because they were strongest beers. They probably taste like **** anyway. I notice certain triggers like "hey there's the gas station I usually stop by on the way home..."

I actually got down on the floor and played trains with my son, instead of just being a piece of **** on the couch.

Anyway, if anyone has some advice or anything to look out for on the Naltrexone, it would be welcome. I am in the process of looking for therapists that my insurance covers. I don't do AA because I am not holding hands with a bunch of strangers and praying to God. The efficacy of AA is highly debatable, and doesn't mix with an atheist like myself. If I was truly powerless then I would be wrecked in a ditch somewhere, with my son in the back seat.

Sorry for the rant. I know this is early and probably cocky. But maybe it will help someone. YOU have the power. It's OK to ask for help!

H2SO4 -

Congrats on the week and making a very wise choice. I wish you the best of luck with your family situation and sobriety. Let us know how the Naltrexone works out. I am curious myself. I know having young kids was my biggest motivation for quitting.

Might I suggest you lay off AA while posting here? While I do not attend AA meetings and prefer more cognitive methods, they do have quite a lot of wisdom to offer. Also, they have helped save millions of people who nobody else could help. We are all on the same team here!

Cheers!

All the best on your journey. As a fellow athiest and one who seeks rational explanation I also have some reservations but for me, I know that AA will play an important part in my recover at least in the forseeable future. Its a lot more than just the god thing. The fellowship of people one meets, the connections made to others who know what addiction is all about and the suggestions for living are, for me, 90% of what makes AA a likely solution. Coupled with an renewed interest in nontheistic practices (personal ethics from a buddhist view), Im at a place right now that I feel I can beat this addiction. I just wish I wasnt so bluntly opposed to going to AA years ago... the god concept kept me away also.

My own experience and challenges with AA aside, plenty of people recover from their addiction without AA. Rational Recovery and SMART are two popular alternatives. Although neither have the aspect of 'fellowship'.

Absolutely about the AA. They helped my sister. Sorry bout that. Just feeling lots of new feelings now that I haven't in a long, long time.

12 years ago I went because of 2 DUI's. I had to go because the court ordered me to. Maybe it will be different now that I WANT to be sober. Perhaps I'll give it a shot.

Which country are you in? In the USA and Canada there are agnostic AA meetings. Run by people who have seen how well AA can work as a program of recovery but without the god concept that people get hung up on. I believe some of them are even officially recognised by the AA organisation.

Bear in mind also that the co-founder (of AA) engaged in some fairly 'out there' practices that would suggest he wasnt your typical christian. In fact nothing in any approved literature I have read/heard mentions christianity, not even once. and I keep a judgemental ear open for it lol.

'God' is not the domain of monotheists either. Its simply a word to be used as a reference to something else thats easier to say than a long winded explanation.

I cant believe that Im even writing all of this! Have been feeling a lot of pressure with that word but im really coming to another view.... why? Because Im going to different AA meetings, listening to those long term sober members who dont buy into the typical western notion of god, and talking to them afterwards. Im also opening up to what it means to be a more "spiritual" person and bot dismiss it as some hippy crap :)

Congrats on your week H2SO4 :)

D

Hooo boy. I won't get into it as this isn't a discussion for religion here. I can't say God because that implies creator.

I'm in the USA, so I'll check it out. Right now I'm reading, reading reading. I will have time in the morning to use my healthcare providers site to seek out a therapist for individual help. I am wary about the group thing, but maybe because my experience has been limited.

My plan is a 3 pronged approach. Naltrexone, individual therapy, and group therapy. At the very least group therapy online.

I understand your frustration. But as I'm opening my mind and my heart with each passing day, I am coming to realize that 'god' does not exclusively imply the creationist model for everyone. The word pops up often in some discussion I have with buddhists, and it's most certainly not in the context that you & I assume. A speaker (at AA) I related to a few weeks ago who was very openly not buying in to the conventional western god suggested that the furniture he was sitting on could be referred to as a a cushioned seating apparatus, but it's a whole lot easier to simply call it 'a chair'. After talking for about 30 minutes to him afterwards, I have no idea what his version of god is, but it's not even close to being a christian concept.

Lately I have been softening my resistance to what I often refer to as 'the g-word', and although I'm still mostly stuck on the western concept, and my absolute disdain for the theology surrounding it, it's not going to get me sober if I keep looking for the parts of AA that I disagree with. In saying that though, plenty of people get sober without AA, so try out a few of the well established alternatives. And why not give AA a go for a month anyway, with an open mind and heart? There's plenty of good stuff in the program, and there are even slightly re-worded steps that take 'the g-word' out of the mix (although most AA'ers will argue that it's no longer AA if the words are changed - personally it's MY recovery, and if that's what will help me, then who's to say otherwise :)

Good luck with everything, whatever path works for you :c015:

Congrats on a week sober

I love your story I think its friggen awesome! Kudos on keeping the kid Kudos on taking care of your current son. Kudos for stepping up to the plate and grabbing the bull by the horns and sobering up.

I dunno your story is full of win to be honest. Keep up the good work. Dont screw up a good life that it appears your working on.

As far as your opinion of AA I too thought no way in hell am I going to go to AA with a bunch of looser old men drunks (yes i know bad bad). I'm not like them. I'm not that bad. I dont need that. So for the first year I stayed sober all by myself. So clearly in my case i did not /need/ AA to remain sober. After a year some folks here conned me into going to AA. I'm glad I did. I dont go regularly but I do find the meetings very enjoyable and rewarding. I gain and give whatever i can from them.

My point is you might change your mind about AA or you might not who knows try to stay open either way. In my case I probably could have made my first year a little bit easier had i gone to AA. But i'm just so good at doing things the hard way :).

one other thing I noticed was how you spoke of your job. it sounds like you are but be thankful for hte job you got. I totally despise my job BUT I know in my case I would not have been able to hold down any other job and sober up. I was too much of a mess. Sometimes less is more in my case. I was able to hide the reality of what was up all because I work from home. this enabled me to get my act together and retain a paycheck. That I'm pretty thankful for.

anyhow sounds like you got a lot of good stuff going for you.

Cut the guy a break with the AA crap jeez he's new. He doesn't want to join your cult.

What being powerless over alcohol means is this: once I pick up a drink I have no control over what happens. Normal drinkers can decide to have one or two drinks and have no problem accomplishing it but I can't. I can't control whether I black out or many of my actions.

Regarding AA, it's a program for people who want it, not for people who need it. I had a very close brush with death and crawled into my first meeting with the "gift of desperation". Some people can stop drinking on their own, I wasn't one of them. I needed the support and fellowship of other drunks to stay sober.

What also works is cognitive therapy. They don't call this "the disease of insanity" for nothing: despite catastrophic consequences we continue to pour a depressant down our throats.

Welcome, H2, to SR.

Great discussion above.

SR is here for you; one of the great things about it is it's 24/7/365

I hope you find a way to stay sober and a sorry y have a misunderstanding of the program of AA and in the same sense I'm very greatful I was able to adit I was powerless and never ended up in a ditch with my son in the backseat, yet chose alcohol over time with my son as I was powerless.

AA has a 97 percent failure rate. That's lower than getting no treatment at all.

And I'm Truly sorry you read and believe statistics that aren't true but wish the best for you,too.

Founders day 2014 had over 50000 alcoholics attend.

Thank you. But it is when I run into trouble when they say "OK, not god. But a creator!"

They can't understand that no, no creator. Nothing. Nothing at all. The universe is too weird for a creator. We're probably just subatomic particles inside some kid's home particle collider toy anyway. Hehe.

Anyway, I didn't have time today to look. I got home and my power was shut off because I renewed my lease and somethign got mixed up with the service. Argh.

Know what I DID do today though? I cleaned out ALLL the empty bottles. All the empty six pack and twelve packs. I was finding crap everywhere! I have a drawer FILLED with bottle caps from the last two years. I have no idea why I was saving them.

Should I count them? Calculate the approximate cost, just to see?

Let's please drop the AA thing. There are secular meetings for AA. It is one method. There are many methods. I can see that now and I am just reading reading and reading some more about them all.

I used to dread going to the bar with friends. Because sometimes I COULD control it. I could limit myself. But it was hard as hell and not pleasant. Just standing around with an empty beer. Yay.

There is a really really great band I want to go see next month. Of course it's at a bar. That will be my first real test. I am keeping busy and whatnot on the days I have off. Now that I'm getting real sleep, I am going to bed shortly after my son at 8pm. OK, that's a lie, I am getting into really watching my favorite movies and binge watching my favorite shows. Totally sober!

I am a bit worried about the show next month. But, I know with the Naltrexone, if I cave and have a beer that it won't turn into 8 pints. I don't know if the beer would even be pleasant. My plan is to just NOT drink and to actually remember a show for once!

careful with that show at the bar thing. I had to pick up food in a bar in early sobriety and i was twitchen. Now recently i had to pick up food at the exact same bar first time since that last time. I did ok but I really didnt care for it much and was eager to get out of there. I new this time i wasnt gonna drink but I didnt like it. The first time however was kller I came close to pulling up a chair and ordering a draft while i waited and even in my drinking days i never did that cause I new i'd have to drive and such. But that particular night I didnt care I was close to doing it.