nigey1

Hi

Please remind me why I don't drink. It will be 3 years in June.

I have to admit life is so much better in so many ways. But it gets pretty raw at times.

The OCD and depression seems to be getting worse lately, it embarrasses me and it's going to have to be medication or drink and I don't want either.

I enjoy seeing people here doing well and the positive changes. I feel bad to put a negative spin on things but I am just feeling as low as I have and like things are spinning away from me a bit.

Thanks for listening.

Nonsensical

You summed it up pretty well Nigey1:

nigey1

Thanks for the reply.

I guess that was then and this is now. More of a head than a grog issue but Im worried it might lead to a "stuff it" moment as I havn't been this bad in a while. Not sure that I can tough this one out.

Hope all is well for you

Nonsensical

I'm sure it's rough, but would it be rougher than another detox?

Your problems are real. Find a real solution. It ain't in the bottle. Three years is special. Don't forget that.

Rootin' for ya!

Kate15

I needed to hear that tonight too. Thank you.

Dave36

I think at 3 years out you can forget how bad a detox can be. It's very fresh in my mind. Don't think that in just a few weeks you can't be back to that horrible place that made you quit in the first place. I don't know you or your story but I bet I can guess.

Johnston

There's plenty of things you can try before resorting to medication or drink. Have you looked into these?

Dee74

If you have OCD and depression you can't stick your head in the sand and hope those things will go away Nigey.

I think there's a vast difference between prescribed medications that improve your quality of life and those which we used to use which destroy it, but I respect your position.

If you don't want meds thats one thing - but get some help and do something about the things that are making you unhappy, man.

Life's too short.

D

zjw

"i feel bad to put a negative spin on things"

why? is it not ok to feel crummy sometimes? There is a time and a season for everything. You have your ups and you have your downs its normal. Your not somehow "doing it wrong" your human life can be difficult at times. The important part is that you dust yourself off get up and keep moving forward.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z5OookwOoY

No matter how great someone tells you there life is going etc.. believe me they have there ups and downs just like you. But dont allow your downs to rob your thunder and get the best of you.

and yes at times they might but dont allow it to last to long if you can.

I'm no saint I gotta pull myself out of mud puddles too and i wanna get up and scream and cry and flip out and rage but what does it accomplish?

I cant say if you should drink or be on medications. I know many doctors would tell me to be on medications. Many would tell me to keep doing what i'm doing i'm doing ok its alright this is just life.

I've not faught it and remained off medications myself. It has not always been easy but I dont think it would be easy if i was on medications either. I've heard many folks tell me that medications didnt some how make life easy all the sudden. So for me I've chosen to avoid them. But your doctor might say otherwise I dunno.

nigey1

Thanks for the replies.

I guess it is OK to feel down ZJ I really appreciate that. I just don't want to give the impression to people that sobriety is bad because its not. It just isn't even, it sort of comes in waves and occasionally I get swamped by one.

Dee - I have been on meds once before and although they helped I disliked the side effects and zombie feeling. Work exposure really isn't helping much but what do you do.

Unfortunately alcohol was great for relaxing symptoms and in down times my mind turns towards relief. I know it wont solve anything and will in fact make things overall worse. But damn I want instant relief.

nigey1

Dave you are right I do forget how bad it was. I have been spending some time thinking about it and inwardly cringing. I don't want that back.

Johnston = I havn't really looked too much into things. I am just embarrassed and try to tough it out, guess its a cultural thing drummed into me. I am getting better though at least at addressing things in general. For the last 20 years I only had one way of addressing problems and everyone else seemed to condone it.

friskme

You are probably familiar with this but here is a helpful online resource.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD): Symptoms, Behavior, and Treatment

Dee74

here's one thing I've learned in recovery Nigey it's there is no instant relief.
That's the bare bones of it.

Most things you have to work for.

I don't know what other treatments are available besides meds, but you owe it to yourself to find out.

That persistent little voice that tells you a drink is perfect for this job is still a liar.

D

zjw

with over 3 years sober myself I can relate to everything you just said. sometimes you dont want to be the party pooper. I got issues that sometimes i really want to bring up on this board. But I know the story. I know the solution. Sometimes I just want to vent sometimes I wish someone had some magical solution that will give me instant relief too. I know it isnt there etc.. I know all this.

But like you yes sometimes you get swamped by one. Its ok tho it happens just keep pushing forward. thats what I do anyhow.

Soberwolf

Hi Nigey, i agree with D completly

heartcore

Nigey -

You don't have to drink alcohol or take pharmaceuticals to address your depression and OCD; we live in a very connected world in which there are many alternative approaches to both physical and emotional illness.

Acupuncture, exercise, nutrition, massage, energy healing, homeopathy, chiropractic, Rolfing, sound healing, movement/dance, creative self expression, talk therapy, vitamins, herbs, aromatherapy, martial arts, meditation, chanting, yoga, shamanic healing - the list goes on and on. Because of the internet, you can choose a few of these and thoroughly research them, and then find others who either practice these forms of healing or are also interested in them and want to experiment (ok, don't let your neighbor experiment with acupuncture on you, that requires a bit o' the training, but my point was that you can go deep into many of them without having access to someone who has "professionalized" the form).

Develop your own program of nurturance and self care, particularly for the mental distortions which are actually part of our physical (whole being) health. You will meet many fascinating people as you explore some of these possibilities. Folks turn to alternative healing when the traditional forms aren't working for them, so you tend to meet people in these worlds who are open-minded and curious and - often - dealing with strong themes of illness in their lives so have depth and are able to understand that your issues are important and real.

I was raised in a family which accepted alternative healing, and so it is where I turn when I need support. I have met amazing healers in my lifetime, and am grateful that I have had the opportunity to cross paths with many of them and put myself into their care and hands.

I attribute my growth in this lifetime equally to alternative healing paths and to my experiences inside sobriety and the recovery community.

I believe you can heal yourself considerably through careful research and choosing which alternative therapies you are most drawn to. Then, of course, you have to do the work - these are not passive like western medicine, it is not just being acted upon, being healed, you are also the healer.

You may even find that you have such powerful experiences with some of the above that you decide to further your skills and training so that you can work at healing others. When you get to that place, then the entirety of the journey makes sense, all your suffering had meaning, you grow through working with others and giving it back...

heartcore

PS. If you have tried every single thing on my previous list - Acupuncture, exercise, nutrition, massage, energy healing, homeopathy, chiropractic, Rolfing, sound healing, movement/dance, creative self expression, talk therapy, vitamins, herbs, aromatherapy, martial arts, meditation, chanting, yoga, shamanic healing - and still feel horrible, well, then would be the time to make the hard choice between medicating or drinking...

nigey1

Well the irony.

A drunk person punched me at work and I had to go to the doctor to get checked out. The doc sensed there was something else and after a chat they prescribed SSRI's for me. They were hell to start with but almost immediately effective and after nearly two weeks I wish I had done it two years ago.

Early days but I am feeling back on track. Shouldn't have tried to tough it out so long.

The main thing is even in the depth of despair I could play through the tape and see where a drink would land me and I am pretty proud of that.

Thx for the help aiming at 3 years in June

nigey1

And no heart core I havn't tried half of those things but am interested in yoga, I might give that a go. People better stand back though cos I reckon my hamstrings might snap like rubber bands if I get half way to my toes.

Hevyn

Nigey, I'm very glad the antidepressants are working well for you. Ironic indeed.
Good to hear you're doing well and thankful that you didn't go back to alcohol. We know it never does what we hope it will.