Struggling with the voice

Old 02-16-2015, 06:22 PM
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Struggling with the voice

Am having one of those days where I just want to go to a bar and sit and drink. I have thrown all of the negatives at my subconscious but the voice is still telling me screw it. 35 days sober and I am bored as hell today and want to sit and drink. Obviously with this post I am trying to convince myself otherwise but the voice is winning as we speak. The voice keeps telling me oh how relaxed you will feel when you have a few. It's telling me remember how good you felt after those first couple of drinks. I am trying to remember the hangovers and that is not dissuading me at all. Today is a struggle.
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Old 02-16-2015, 06:43 PM
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Is it telling you how hard it is to sober back up again? Or going over all the really bad things that could happen? I'm sure you have not forgotten and it can be easy to be like screw it but do you want to allow one bad day to cost you your 35 day sober streak and possibly then some?

Congrats on the 35 days keep up the good work!!!
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Old 02-16-2015, 06:47 PM
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I am a newbie here, so may not say the right thing, but just thought I would reach out anyway.

I am just over three weeks now without a drink, which is the longest I have gone in almost a year. 2014 was a year of hell for me, constantly 'quitting' and then also constantly giving into the voice. Every time I gave into the voice my self worth took another beating, because I felt like a failure for not being able to stand up to the voice with a different voice - the one that wants a better life.

Thankfully, after a horrible day/night of drinking on the 24th of January something changed in me, and I have been able to choose giving power to the voice that wants a better life for me. I knew that if I kept up what I was doing I wasn't going to have one iota of self worth left and I was getting pretty suicidal.

So every day since then I have been able to choose what I know will give me life, rather that the death I was heading towards.

If the voice is telling you that a drink will help you relax and feel good, can you think of another way to relax and feel good? A hot bath? Crawling into bed with a good book? Your favorite ice cream?

Anyway, hopefully some more experienced sober people will post with some of their experiences with what helps fighting the voice to drink.

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Old 02-16-2015, 06:59 PM
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Do you attend AA meetings? For me, going to meetings and also having a commitment fits the bill. I also follow the 12 Steps. 1st being that I admitted I was powerless over alcohol--that my life had become unmanageable. I literally felt that weight come off my being. But, that's me.
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Old 02-16-2015, 07:03 PM
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Is there something to do at home? Just go straight home, have a glass of TEA.
Have you heard of 'urge surfing'?
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Old 02-16-2015, 07:22 PM
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If you're bored KT, why not think of things to do - other than drinking or drugs?

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Old 02-16-2015, 07:47 PM
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You have just described every quiet moment that I've had to myself over the past couple of weeks. I know, BELIEVE ME I know how you feel. I've practically worn holes in my carpet pacing back and forth thinking about giving in just for one day and having a few.

Just keep pondering it and writing about it until this particular wave passes. Worry about tomorrow tomorrow. For today... just don't do it.

Hang in there.
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Old 02-16-2015, 11:37 PM
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I drove around and passed a few of the bars I used to attend. I managed to not get out of my car. However I realized I am lonely and need some companionship. That thought nearly tricked me into bypassing my rationale for not drinking. I am single and getting older and still crave the aspect of the need for sometimes physical encounters. Too many years of being in bars and living for the companionship of the opposite sex. I am driving myself crazy today. I feel a little dirty because I want to find someone to share the night with. I have never managed to do that sober. I apologize for my frankness. But I have to throw these thoughts out to the world so I don't physically act upon them. I went for a swim to help curve my craving for debauchery and my mind is still roaring. Like I said I apologize for my frankness but I have to let it out. I think I might be a ***** for attention. Thanks to those who have responded and listened to my nonsense. The good news is I didn't take a drink today. However I did just spill some of my inner cravings. Once again thank you people!
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Old 02-16-2015, 11:45 PM
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I think, if you sit back and breathe a little, you'll realise your AV is trying to get at you from a different angle.

Sex can be as addictive as anything else. Beyond the act of sex, I was always looking to people to fix me, complete me, or simply run away from myself.

Not many of us are good at being alone - a lot of us get nervous in our company...but what you have here KT is an opportunity to really get to know yourself and work on those things about your self you do not like.

I'm well aware that doesn't sound as enticing as a one night stand, but if you commit to focusing on yourself for a little while, not only will it help your recovery, but it will make you a far better partner when you do enter into another romantic relationship.

I'm comfortable with who I am, and I no longer 'need' someone in my life - and that makes the relationships I do have all the better for that.

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Old 02-17-2015, 12:55 AM
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Mate the hangover is NOT worth throwing away 35 days sober. I've spent the past 2 days with my head in the toilet cause I had the exact same thoughts as you're having now, and let them get the better of me.

All I did was disappoint myself, when I could've just stayed home and played games. Just get on Tinder if you're looking for some companionship! That doesn't necessarily mean going out and having a ONS, but it may help just to sit at home and chat to someone on an app like that.
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Old 02-17-2015, 05:39 AM
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In the beginning, I'd tell that voice that for today, as rough as it is, I think I'd like to stick with sobriety and see what happens as I knew what would happen if I drank and maybe tomorrow I'd entertain that voice and drink.....I needed sobriety more than I needed to stuff my feelings deeper inside of me.....

3 years and 9 months later, I know I did the right thing this time!!!
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