Serotonin

I've been going through a really rough time. My girlfriend whom I have a 2 1/2 year old son with decided she wants a trial separation. She's moving out soon and has been staying at her parents the last 3 days. She is bipolar and has very mild Aspergers syndrome. She told me she doesn't think she is a very good partner because she has problems communicating her feelings and has bipolar outbursts and takes her stress out on me. Those of you who know me a little know I'm really struggling financially and haven't had a vehicle since September. Now that we have our tax return she is getting her own place and I am finally getting a car. I was thinking about getting some beers today but I didn't. Instead I found a place for low income uninsured individuals to get counseling. The thought of my family coming apart has me in a state of turmoil. Despite the issues my son's mother has I'm positive that my drinking has caused damage to our relationship as well. I need to be sober for myself first. But, what really made me not drink today was the thought of losing my family. My son having a mother with mental illness and a father who is an alcoholic. I've been a dry drunk every time I have spent time sober. I've wanted help but never sought it very much because it has been difficult with my financial situation and finding programs that will help me. So I reached out to and old friend who lives out of state. I haven't talked to her in a few years. Her family friends own a restaurant in the small town I live in. It's a small town but a very popular and busy restaurant. She is going to see if they can give me a job. Today I'm hurting immensely. I've been so nerve shot and heartbroken I've been having stomach problems. I haven't had my son in the 3 days since she left and I miss both of them terribly. I'm crying as I type this. Tomorrow I will borrow my mother's car and pick him up. He'll be with me tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday and I will be sober. I'm kind of rambling it seems. My point is I didn't drink despite feeling so low. I have a little hope today. Maybe this separation will give me the time I need to focus on getting better and learning to believe in myself again.

Belgian

Sorry to hear about your situation. (And it is a great sign that you avoided alcohol despite what you find yourself going through).

I can't speak to whatever issues your girlfriend has.... but I can say with certainty your drinking only served to make matters worse. When we drink, we may remember when we cause huge arguments, but what we don't realize is all the subtle ways we cause harm to our relationships.

I can relate somewhat to the prospect of losing your family. I'm sober for 17 days now and that is only because 19 days ago my wife had finally had ENOUGH of my drinking. I had caused one argument (for no good reason) too many and she decided that it was time to extract herself and our three year old son from the situation. I thank God that she didn't leave that night and allowed me the opportunity to stop drinking and (so far) keep my promise to stay sober.

If a job opportunity comes your way you should definitely consider taking it. Not only will it put a few dollars in your pocket but it will also keep you busy which will help you not drink and as importantly not dwell on the situation with your girlfriend/son. I'm not saying you shouldn't think about it.... I'm just saying it wont do you any good to obsess over it. After a while, and after thinking in circles the mind may start to play tricks with you.

In my limited experience (I've only been married to one woman for 19 years), people are forgiving if they have reason to forgive. If you straighten yourself out, take that job and STAY SOBER... I can't guarantee things will work out with your girlfriend but I would say its the best chance you have at putting things back together.

I know you don't want to hear this, but in the worst case scenario where you and her can not work it out, you will need to be completely sober to keep yourself together emotionally and to make sure you are in your best condition for when you spend time with your son.

I know when times are tough the urge is to do SOMETHING.... but right now the best thing to do is to NOT do something (and by that I mean do NOT drink.... no matter what!)

brynn

Oh Serotonin! Please know that I am sending you tons of strength and support!
You are making an awesome decision for you and your son by staying sober! I'm so proud of you for being able to see the big picture despite your sadness.
You have tons of support here and I'm wishing you all the best.

Serotonin

Thanks for replying to my post and for the insight and well wishes. This is the lowest I have ever felt. I am ready to fight again. It's been a long time since I have reached out. I can't imagine feeling worse than this and I know drinking will bring me farther down. I want to love myself again. Thanks for the support. I'm going to need lots of it.

Della1968

We are here for you. Focus on yourself and your child and amazing things can happen.

MariahGayle

I'm sorry your hurting Seretonin & really proud of you for not drinking & for taking responsibility for any damage your drinking might play in the separation....I think that and you seeking help & reaching out to others is HUGE. Glad you are here with us...you are in my thoughts....sending strength your way.

least

Focus on sobriety and being the best person you can be. Give yourself time to heal and get back to normal. It will get better.

Lostinhk

That's a really tough situation

It speaks volumes that you haven't turned to the drink during this rough time. You need to be commended for that and it's something to feel good about.

I hope you have a great time with your kids, and keep up the good work. I'm sure that being sober during this time will help ensure that everything works out for the best.

Serotonin

I have my son today. His mom tried to bail on me this morning. I hope it's not a sign of things to come. I'm going to enjoy the company of my son, but I am really frustrated with his mother and her lack of ability to emphasize. Her therapist says it's part of the Apsergers. For example she will get angry with me if she can't reach me and I have him. But when I try to reach her and she has him she is nearly impossible to reach. I don't know. Just venting.