Drinking as a weapon
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 339
Drinking as a weapon
A couple of weeks ago I struggled a little. I posted some of it here. As I took an honest look at myself I realized that I can use my drinking as a weapon. Well, at least I think I am. It is the one thing my wife fears I will do. If she pushes me too hard I may just go out and get good and drunk. That will show her!! When we got in the argument I went for a drive and stopped for coffee. Stayed out long enough for her to worry about what I was doing. Looking back it seems very childish (it was) and now I have to apologize, even though it was 2 weeks ago. It will not be easy but it is something I have to do.
Next time I will try holding my breath until my face turns blue
Next time I will try holding my breath until my face turns blue
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Glad you didn't drink and apologizing sounds like a fine idea to me.
I used to do the same thing - escape to the garage, basement, store, whrever, and drink when I wasn't getting my way. I learned over time that it takes 2 to argue...and while my wife certainly started some of the arguments we had, I started just as many. I'm still working 2 years plus later to try and LISTEN to what she is saying rather than trying to be "right". It's tough but worth it. Keep up the good work!
I used to do the same thing - escape to the garage, basement, store, whrever, and drink when I wasn't getting my way. I learned over time that it takes 2 to argue...and while my wife certainly started some of the arguments we had, I started just as many. I'm still working 2 years plus later to try and LISTEN to what she is saying rather than trying to be "right". It's tough but worth it. Keep up the good work!
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: the driftless zone
Posts: 1,017
Don't know your history, but at least you are aware. And you are aware that what you are doing is not right. I have my own demons to battle, so am no expert. But I can tell you with no doubt that using drink as a weapon will not help anyone.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
In sobriety sometimes before we know better, we may actually take some drinks so as to show them how mad we really are. I did this in the past. The results were terrible for both her and I.
Please don't fall into self deception as I did.
MM
Please don't fall into self deception as I did.
MM
Omnivore
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winter Water Wonder Land
Posts: 516
I could have written the original post here on this thread. My wife hates it when I drink. I'm not an "I love you" drunk. I can recall many times getting angry bc my lovely wife was being horrible. Sometimes bc she was drinking. I would literally think to myself, "I will show her! I'm now going to get totally blitzed to punish her! I will get soooo wasted that it will be a very long time before she even thinks about treating me like this again!"
Never worked. The really insane thing is that I kept doing it. Countless times.
I talked to her about it after a long period of sobriety. She never even knew that I was drinking to punish her. Never even crossed her mind.
I did get more irate myself when I did this. I ended up losing whatever moral high ground I had. I no longer made any sense and so I ended any possibility of a rational solution to whatever was going wrong at the time.
I'm grateful she has tolerated this from me. I will never do that to her again.
Never worked. The really insane thing is that I kept doing it. Countless times.
I talked to her about it after a long period of sobriety. She never even knew that I was drinking to punish her. Never even crossed her mind.
I did get more irate myself when I did this. I ended up losing whatever moral high ground I had. I no longer made any sense and so I ended any possibility of a rational solution to whatever was going wrong at the time.
I'm grateful she has tolerated this from me. I will never do that to her again.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Next time I will try holding my breath until my face turns blue
But on another note.
I know a guy who after a meeting simply went out for a coffee and a donut with some other guys at the meeting. he came home and his wife gave him the nth degree where was he was he drinking again etc.. smelled his breath why was he late she flipped. From then on he let her know where he'd be haha.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 296
Originally Posted by FamilyMan2153 
A couple of weeks ago I struggled a little. I posted some of it here. As I took an honest look at myself I realized that I can use my drinking as a weapon. Well, at least I think I am. It is the one thing my wife fears I will do. If she pushes me too hard I may just go out and get good and drunk. That will show her!! When we got in the argument I went for a drive and stopped for coffee. Stayed out long enough for her to worry about what I was doing. Looking back it seems very childish (it was) and now I have to apologize, even though it was 2 weeks ago. It will not be easy but it is something I have to do.
Next time I will try holding my breath until my face turns blue
Next time I will try holding my breath until my face turns blue
Well knowing what we know about our drinking careers, everytime we drink, we are committing a form of suicide, slowly but surely.
I am trying to think of the other idea. Its along the lines of, Oh you did that, so I will drink and cause harm to myself so hopefully you will change.
INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Memories!!!
" I'll show you by hurting myself!!!
And then blame you!!"
And I heard more than once," didn't hurt me a bit, wasn't worried about ya and actually enjoyed a peaceful evening, and go ahead and blame me but good luck getting me to accept blame."
Boy that was some insane crap.
" I'll show you by hurting myself!!!
And then blame you!!"
And I heard more than once," didn't hurt me a bit, wasn't worried about ya and actually enjoyed a peaceful evening, and go ahead and blame me but good luck getting me to accept blame."
Boy that was some insane crap.
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Second star to the right....
Posts: 845
I can relate....she needs alanon. ive been going there for years. only just last few days finally ready to admit i think i have an issue with the booze but yeah i have gotten blotto to shove it in my controlling partners face. he would eminate fear and judgment if i even hinted at drinking or had 1 glass of wine, but i guess there are reasons for that, even if it was crazy. we both crazy lol. but yeah, im trying to keep the focus on me, when he gets all controlling i rebel and want to get plastered "eg. you aint the boss of me" but a self defeating game really, even if theyll all be sorry when im dead, ill still be dead.....still learning
Omnivore
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winter Water Wonder Land
Posts: 516
Originally Posted by utopia
I can relate....she needs alanon. ive been going there for years. only just last few days finally ready to admit i think i have an issue with the booze but yeah i have gotten blotto to shove it in my controlling partners face. he would eminate fear and judgment if i even hinted at drinking or had 1 glass of wine, but i guess there are reasons for that, even if it was crazy. we both crazy lol. but yeah, im trying to keep the focus on me, when he gets all controlling i rebel and want to get plastered "eg. you aint the boss of me" but a self defeating game really, even if theyll all be sorry when im dead, ill still be dead.....still learning
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