Question from a noob...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yes. It will get better! It was several months before I felt secure and actually happy on a regular basis.
The trick is to maintain sobriety so you can get to that point. Every path back to the bottle delays happiness.
Try to remember how you were as a kid when life was carefree. It's possible to get there again. There is some psychological work to do, but a great majority of it is physiological/neurological.
The trick is to maintain sobriety so you can get to that point. Every path back to the bottle delays happiness.
Try to remember how you were as a kid when life was carefree. It's possible to get there again. There is some psychological work to do, but a great majority of it is physiological/neurological.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by elsker 
Thanks. It actually helps to know that it sucks for other people. I thought there was something wrong with me for feeling like this 
for the entire six weeks! Now I can see that this hellish period is actually normal.
for the entire six weeks! Now I can see that this hellish period is actually normal.I would definitely not say that my sober life "sucks" in any shape or form. My drinking life did - especially at the end. The good feelings I got from alcohol were gone, I simply drank because I needed to or I would go into withdrawals and have heart palpitations/panic attack if I did not.
What I had to accept is that life is full of challenges - and there are going to be bad things that happen to all of us, every day. Life is a struggle - you have to work to get the things you want. And sometimes even when you work to get them, something else bad will happen that you cannot control.
What you CAN control is how you go about your life. You can choose to mope through it and bemoan the bad things, or you can take action and make good things happen too. Exercise, volunteering, cooking, cleaning, reading, taking classes, playing games, meeting people....the list is endless. And all of those things can be done BETTER if you are not drunk all the time.
Sometimes having a structured plan like AA or other recovery methods helps you get into a pattern of doing the things listed above. Setting goals, seeing accomplishment - it all helps.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 124
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Yes. It will get better! It was several months before I felt secure and actually happy on a regular basis.
The trick is to maintain sobriety so you can get to that point. Every path back to the bottle delays happiness.
Try to remember how you were as a kid when life was carefree. It's possible to get there again. There is some psychological work to do, but a great majority of it is physiological/neurological.
The trick is to maintain sobriety so you can get to that point. Every path back to the bottle delays happiness.
Try to remember how you were as a kid when life was carefree. It's possible to get there again. There is some psychological work to do, but a great majority of it is physiological/neurological.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 124
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
For me, part of accepting my alcoholism was also accepting that life simply isn't going to be flowers, chocolates and puppies all the time. Part of our addiction was for "instant satisfaction". Feel sad? Have a drink to console. Feel happy? Get drunk to celebrate. Feel stressed? Drink to relax. And so on and so forth.
I would definitely not say that my sober life "sucks" in any shape or form. My drinking life did - especially at the end. The good feelings I got from alcohol were gone, I simply drank because I needed to or I would go into withdrawals and have heart palpitations/panic attack if I did not.
What I had to accept is that life is full of challenges - and there are going to be bad things that happen to all of us, every day. Life is a struggle - you have to work to get the things you want. And sometimes even when you work to get them, something else bad will happen that you cannot control.
What you CAN control is how you go about your life. You can choose to mope through it and bemoan the bad things, or you can take action and make good things happen too. Exercise, volunteering, cooking, cleaning, reading, taking classes, playing games, meeting people....the list is endless. And all of those things can be done BETTER if you are not drunk all the time.
Sometimes having a structured plan like AA or other recovery methods helps you get into a pattern of doing the things listed above. Setting goals, seeing accomplishment - it all helps.
I would definitely not say that my sober life "sucks" in any shape or form. My drinking life did - especially at the end. The good feelings I got from alcohol were gone, I simply drank because I needed to or I would go into withdrawals and have heart palpitations/panic attack if I did not.
What I had to accept is that life is full of challenges - and there are going to be bad things that happen to all of us, every day. Life is a struggle - you have to work to get the things you want. And sometimes even when you work to get them, something else bad will happen that you cannot control.
What you CAN control is how you go about your life. You can choose to mope through it and bemoan the bad things, or you can take action and make good things happen too. Exercise, volunteering, cooking, cleaning, reading, taking classes, playing games, meeting people....the list is endless. And all of those things can be done BETTER if you are not drunk all the time.
Sometimes having a structured plan like AA or other recovery methods helps you get into a pattern of doing the things listed above. Setting goals, seeing accomplishment - it all helps.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by elsker
there's a part of me that questions enjoying anything without alcohol.
I have that same questioning voice in my head. It is the voice of my addiction. It is a liar and thief. How much has it cost me over the years? Money, respect, opportunity, etc. Yet is it never satisfied. It would kill me if I let it.
I am starving that voice to death without alcohol, and I am enjoying it immensely.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
in a few months the fog started to lift i became flooded with emotions and thoughts. My mind seemed to operate faster and I started sorting a lot of stuff out. This went on for a while. 6 months into sobriety i quit smoking started to diet and exercise became even more aware of how important nutrition is and things started to get better. I started to have some enjoyable expieiences i would not have had other wise probably 8 or 10 months in but I still was not totally out of the woods yet. By a year I was starting to figure out my new skin and how to get comfortable in it etc.. happy days started to follow. Not that i didnt have happy times till then I did.
Now at 3+ years sober I'm still sorting stuff out. but I'm getting better at handling the daily battles of life. I'm coping better its still hard at times but i'm also doing much better. I agreed to a trip with the family recently. I feel wierd. I'm kinda looking forward to it thats not something i'm used too so its strange for me.
maybe one day i'll be normal? I was recently told I was strange for bringing my own food to a family members house when i visited. I thought maybe but I'm happy and healthy and the only one at this table NOT on lipitor or other medications due ot poor dietary choices so call me wierd if you like I'm ok with that. I'm doing better with simply not careing what others think. In the past I would have been in far worse shape upon such an encounter.
Now at 3+ years sober I'm still sorting stuff out. but I'm getting better at handling the daily battles of life. I'm coping better its still hard at times but i'm also doing much better. I agreed to a trip with the family recently. I feel wierd. I'm kinda looking forward to it thats not something i'm used too so its strange for me.
maybe one day i'll be normal? I was recently told I was strange for bringing my own food to a family members house when i visited. I thought maybe but I'm happy and healthy and the only one at this table NOT on lipitor or other medications due ot poor dietary choices so call me wierd if you like I'm ok with that. I'm doing better with simply not careing what others think. In the past I would have been in far worse shape upon such an encounter.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi elsker
just not drinking wasn't enough to make me happy....I needed to look at my life, a life geared to drinking, and basically rebuild it.
That takes a little time. It also takes a little time for our minds and bodies to recuperate
I remember thinking I had a joyless life but maybe this was what recovery was? Things got a lot better for me after 3 months...and pretty darn good after 6 months.
You have to commit to the long haul I think and have a little faith that this really is the right road for you.
Old me could never conceive of not drinking again...now I can't imagine what could drag me back.
We change
D
just not drinking wasn't enough to make me happy....I needed to look at my life, a life geared to drinking, and basically rebuild it.
That takes a little time. It also takes a little time for our minds and bodies to recuperate
I remember thinking I had a joyless life but maybe this was what recovery was? Things got a lot better for me after 3 months...and pretty darn good after 6 months.
You have to commit to the long haul I think and have a little faith that this really is the right road for you.
Old me could never conceive of not drinking again...now I can't imagine what could drag me back.
We change
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I crawled into AA on my hands and knees after a very close brush with death (Bill Wilson calls it "the gift of desperation") and fear kept me going. I honestly did not think it possible for me to not drink. I certainly couldn't have done it on my own, without the support of other drunks in AA. I'd been drinking a magnum of wine every day for years. I also suffer from depression which hit hard when I put down booze. I cried every day for the first 90 days. But most people in early sobriety don't seem to be the mess I was 23 years ago.
During the first six months the most difficult emotion for me to handle was boredom. Since I drank every day I'd never been bored, and it was a challenge. It takes time to feel comfortable in your own skin. So hitting a lot of meetings helped with boredom too.
In hindsight I'll say I don't think you can exchange drinking with not drinking alone. There has to be some new activity, whether it's meetings, jogging or something else. We alcoholics do isolate and it's something we must fight.
As far as feeling "happy", it's a transient emotion like sadness, it comes and goes. I became amazed how wonderful it felt to be in nature and having good relationships. So after a while I realized life was 1000% better without alcohol (remember, it's a depressant). Just being present in the world, no longer hating myself, is wonderful.
A big hug.......
During the first six months the most difficult emotion for me to handle was boredom. Since I drank every day I'd never been bored, and it was a challenge. It takes time to feel comfortable in your own skin. So hitting a lot of meetings helped with boredom too.
In hindsight I'll say I don't think you can exchange drinking with not drinking alone. There has to be some new activity, whether it's meetings, jogging or something else. We alcoholics do isolate and it's something we must fight.
As far as feeling "happy", it's a transient emotion like sadness, it comes and goes. I became amazed how wonderful it felt to be in nature and having good relationships. So after a while I realized life was 1000% better without alcohol (remember, it's a depressant). Just being present in the world, no longer hating myself, is wonderful.
A big hug.......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 124
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
For me, part of accepting my alcoholism was also accepting that life simply isn't going to be flowers, chocolates and puppies all the time. Part of our addiction was for "instant satisfaction". Feel sad? Have a drink to console. Feel happy? Get drunk to celebrate. Feel stressed? Drink to relax. And so on and so forth.
I would definitely not say that my sober life "sucks" in any shape or form. My drinking life did - especially at the end. The good feelings I got from alcohol were gone, I simply drank because I needed to or I would go into withdrawals and have heart palpitations/panic attack if I did not.
What I had to accept is that life is full of challenges - and there are going to be bad things that happen to all of us, every day. Life is a struggle - you have to work to get the things you want. And sometimes even when you work to get them, something else bad will happen that you cannot control.
What you CAN control is how you go about your life. You can choose to mope through it and bemoan the bad things, or you can take action and make good things happen too. Exercise, volunteering, cooking, cleaning, reading, taking classes, playing games, meeting people....the list is endless. And all of those things can be done BETTER if you are not drunk all the time.
Sometimes having a structured plan like AA or other recovery methods helps you get into a pattern of doing the things listed above. Setting goals, seeing accomplishment - it all helps.
I would definitely not say that my sober life "sucks" in any shape or form. My drinking life did - especially at the end. The good feelings I got from alcohol were gone, I simply drank because I needed to or I would go into withdrawals and have heart palpitations/panic attack if I did not.
What I had to accept is that life is full of challenges - and there are going to be bad things that happen to all of us, every day. Life is a struggle - you have to work to get the things you want. And sometimes even when you work to get them, something else bad will happen that you cannot control.
What you CAN control is how you go about your life. You can choose to mope through it and bemoan the bad things, or you can take action and make good things happen too. Exercise, volunteering, cooking, cleaning, reading, taking classes, playing games, meeting people....the list is endless. And all of those things can be done BETTER if you are not drunk all the time.
Sometimes having a structured plan like AA or other recovery methods helps you get into a pattern of doing the things listed above. Setting goals, seeing accomplishment - it all helps.
if it will eventually get me to a content sober place. My life is already pretty busy...but I can make it busier. I agree...things will be better if I am not drunk.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 124
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
Does that sound rational to you? The inability to enjoy anything unless there is alcohol?
I have that same questioning voice in my head. It is the voice of my addiction. It is a liar and thief. How much has it cost me over the years? Money, respect, opportunity, etc. Yet is it never satisfied. It would kill me if I let it.
I am starving that voice to death without alcohol, and I am enjoying it immensely.
I have that same questioning voice in my head. It is the voice of my addiction. It is a liar and thief. How much has it cost me over the years? Money, respect, opportunity, etc. Yet is it never satisfied. It would kill me if I let it.
I am starving that voice to death without alcohol, and I am enjoying it immensely.
You are right...alcohol costs me my self respect, honor, ability to truly be there for people I need. I want to starve that voice to death, too.
Every sober voice I hear telling me life is so much better this way is a welcome thing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 124
Originally Posted by zjw
in a few months the fog started to lift i became flooded with emotions and thoughts. My mind seemed to operate faster and I started sorting a lot of stuff out. This went on for a while. 6 months into sobriety i quit smoking started to diet and exercise became even more aware of how important nutrition is and things started to get better. I started to have some enjoyable expieiences i would not have had other wise probably 8 or 10 months in but I still was not totally out of the woods yet. By a year I was starting to figure out my new skin and how to get comfortable in it etc.. happy days started to follow. Not that i didnt have happy times till then I did.
Now at 3+ years sober I'm still sorting stuff out. but I'm getting better at handling the daily battles of life. I'm coping better its still hard at times but i'm also doing much better. I agreed to a trip with the family recently. I feel wierd. I'm kinda looking forward to it thats not something i'm used too so its strange for me.
maybe one day i'll be normal? I was recently told I was strange for bringing my own food to a family members house when i visited. I thought maybe but I'm happy and healthy and the only one at this table NOT on lipitor or other medications due ot poor dietary choices so call me wierd if you like I'm ok with that. I'm doing better with simply not careing what others think. In the past I would have been in far worse shape upon such an encounter.
Now at 3+ years sober I'm still sorting stuff out. but I'm getting better at handling the daily battles of life. I'm coping better its still hard at times but i'm also doing much better. I agreed to a trip with the family recently. I feel wierd. I'm kinda looking forward to it thats not something i'm used too so its strange for me.
maybe one day i'll be normal? I was recently told I was strange for bringing my own food to a family members house when i visited. I thought maybe but I'm happy and healthy and the only one at this table NOT on lipitor or other medications due ot poor dietary choices so call me wierd if you like I'm ok with that. I'm doing better with simply not careing what others think. In the past I would have been in far worse shape upon such an encounter.
Thanks, zjw...
Hearing your words matters a great deal to me. It gives me hope.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 124
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr
I crawled into AA on my hands and knees after a very close brush with death (Bill Wilson calls it "the gift of desperation") and fear kept me going. I honestly did not think it possible for me to not drink. I certainly couldn't have done it on my own, without the support of other drunks in AA. I'd been drinking a magnum of wine every day for years. I also suffer from depression which hit hard when I put down booze. I cried every day for the first 90 days. But most people in early sobriety don't seem to be the mess I was 23 years ago.
During the first six months the most difficult emotion for me to handle was boredom. Since I drank every day I'd never been bored, and it was a challenge. It takes time to feel comfortable in your own skin. So hitting a lot of meetings helped with boredom too.
In hindsight I'll say I don't think you can exchange drinking with not drinking alone. There has to be some new activity, whether it's meetings, jogging or something else. We alcoholics do isolate and it's something we must fight.
As far as feeling "happy", it's a transient emotion like sadness, it comes and goes. I became amazed how wonderful it felt to be in nature and having good relationships. So after a while I realized life was 1000% better without alcohol (remember, it's a depressant). Just being present in the world, no longer hating myself, is wonderful.
A big hug.......
During the first six months the most difficult emotion for me to handle was boredom. Since I drank every day I'd never been bored, and it was a challenge. It takes time to feel comfortable in your own skin. So hitting a lot of meetings helped with boredom too.
In hindsight I'll say I don't think you can exchange drinking with not drinking alone. There has to be some new activity, whether it's meetings, jogging or something else. We alcoholics do isolate and it's something we must fight.
As far as feeling "happy", it's a transient emotion like sadness, it comes and goes. I became amazed how wonderful it felt to be in nature and having good relationships. So after a while I realized life was 1000% better without alcohol (remember, it's a depressant). Just being present in the world, no longer hating myself, is wonderful.
A big hug.......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 124
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi elsker
just not drinking wasn't enough to make me happy....I needed to look at my life, a life geared to drinking, and basically rebuild it.
That takes a little time. It also takes a little time for our minds and bodies to recuperate
I remember thinking I had a joyless life but maybe this was what recovery was? Things got a lot better for me after 3 months...and pretty darn good after 6 months.
You have to commit to the long haul I think and have a little faith that this really is the right road for you.
Old me could never conceive of not drinking again...now I can't imagine what could drag me back.
We change
D
just not drinking wasn't enough to make me happy....I needed to look at my life, a life geared to drinking, and basically rebuild it.
That takes a little time. It also takes a little time for our minds and bodies to recuperate
I remember thinking I had a joyless life but maybe this was what recovery was? Things got a lot better for me after 3 months...and pretty darn good after 6 months.
You have to commit to the long haul I think and have a little faith that this really is the right road for you.
Old me could never conceive of not drinking again...now I can't imagine what could drag me back.
We change
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
As far as feeling "happy", it's a transient emotion like sadness, it comes and goes.
Something cant be postive if there is no negative and something cant be negative if there is no positive.
Emotions come and go rise and fall. I read in a book today it can be like sitting at a train station watching the train come people get on people get off and the train drives away. just because it came to the station does not mean you have to go along for the ride. You can just sit there and observe.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Dee, right now, I can't imagine not drinking again...I want so desperately to be at the point where I couldn't imagine a life "with" drinking. I will keep coming here...and maybe hit an AA meeting tomorrow. Geez, I hate the hand holding at the end!
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