DELBERTM

I expect many of us have been judged by others saying ''Well you chose to drink nobody forced it down you'' well to these people I say,''yes I did choose to drink but not to become an alcoholic,but I darn well chose to be sober and stay that way''

elsker

Hi, Delbert... I think nobody can really understand what a struggle addiction is unless they have an addiction themselves. At the end of the day, however, it is up to us to stop tipping the booze down our throats.

It's not easy, I know.

Hmmm....looks like I need more posts before I can use emoticons?

Boleo

I would say that I "chose" to drink the first 25 years of my drinking career but the ISM of alcoholism forced me to drink the last 5 years.

I still have no choice in the matter. All I know is that when I treat the ISM of alcoholism, I don't need to make any choice because the choice is already made for me by a Power greater than myself.

NOT-DRINKING has nothing to do with why I am sober today.

Nonsensical

Being judgmental has negative connotations, but we all make judgments. The OP, for example, implies a judgment that people who judge alcoholics are narrow-minded and/or ill-informed.

It's a big, fat, crazy world full of judgmental people, and most of us are full of ****. Don't let it get you down.

zjw

everyones an ******* and the insane are running the asylum!

I just met with some family member and honestly have been torn with starting a simlier thread after a bad expierience with them. Basicly I chose (my mistake maybe) to go see them it had been 7 years I was being nice and felt it was the right thing to do. Upon being there I realized they still prefer to sit on there high horse and dole out judgement and treat me as if i'm a no good POS child. Nothing has really changed. Even tho there sitting in front of them was a lean mean healthy machine who had turned around his life they still couldnt wait to judge. For fun I gave it back. then I got accused of being critical of others I exclaimed it must be genetic then huh? They still didnt get it.

I left that encounter frustrating realizing that I asked for it. I set myself up for it. Shame on me for thinking these people would somehow see things differently now. Apparently I'm an ******* and so are they. So it'll probably be another 7 years or more before i venture there again. Its sad it shoudlnt be that way we should get along. But it is what it is and its always been this way. I'm just the fool who thought it might be different for some reason. I shouldnt expect people to be anything other then who they are lesson learned (again).

Best you can do is just put your blinders on with folks like this and keep moving forward with the good choices your making. Be happy with that rather then beat down by there judgements. Chances are they are in no position to judge ;-).

Thanks for the thread I needed it today!

ru12

I'd say that those people are right. I did choose to drink every drink I took. No excuses for my behavior. I never blame alcoholism for my drinking or for the stupid things I've done while drinking. No one ever forced a drink down my throat. Not once. And I've been sober a number of years now and I take full responsibility for that as well. The buck does stop with me.

gaffo

"What other people think of me is none of my business"

ScottFromWI

I'm with RU on this. Yes, I am an alcoholic but I choose to be sober. People will judge you no matter what you do, so live your life the best that you can and let them judge. I don't have to live inside their heads, so I really don't care what goes on in them in respect to me.

silentrun

Calling someone judgmental is judging them. If you don't like that game you don't have to play. Unfortunately most of us have been trained to be judgers so you will have to unlearn it. I was told if I failed to see certain things as evil my mind would be taken over by Satan and God would destroy me. Pfffttt...still standing. It's just someone's opinion and has no basis in the physical world. I love this Rumi quote for this:
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.”

Aellyce

I think that judgement is part of normal decision making processes. Without judgment, we would never be able to make any kind of choice. So in this context, being "nonjudgmental" is pretty much an illusion... What precipitates negative feelings is that judgment, due to the nature of its coming from a person, is always made from some kind of subjective perspective -- some of which another individual agrees with and others are disagreed with. It's very hard to arrive to universal truths, especially when it comes to personal matter... simply because we can see the external world and interact with it only via perception -- means our own senses and our own interpretations. I do believe in universally applicable values though, but that's a somewhat different issue, and it mostly works in theory anyway.

In general, I think what's best is to try not to push our own truths on others and communicate them more suggestively. And if something/someone is utterly incompatible with our views, either leave or try to work on ourselves to be able to accommodate it better. Same for judging people for being judgmental. Saying that others are wrong or defective is always the easiest route of escape, even though it has important functions in how society works (common sense, the law, etc).

bunnezjp

We don't choose to be addicts, but there are those who choose to enable their addiction.

Bunnez

huntingtontx

What RU12 said. I am glad I finally made the right choice. Being drunk sucks. Sober rocks.

Belgian

I care what people think... but not what they think about me.

Soberwolf

Exactly what Ru12 said

Belgian

This may be a little off topic.... but I've always been annoyed when, while talking about an addiction or other bad behavior, people blame "demons."

"Oh, that poor guy, drinking all the time, he is really fighting with demons."

To me, it seems like a way to externalize the problem. In a way, it's like blaming someone else.

Kaneda8888

I'm with Haennie and Scott on this. Being judgemental is human nature. However, we can recognize when we are being judgemental in our minds and examine the reasons behind it. Most of the time when I am being judgemental, its a result of justifying my own inadequacies by appearing to be 'superior' to others. Really, I am just fooling myself if I let my judgements cloud my thinking. As well, its one thing to be judgemental but its another to verbalise !

As for other folks judgemental comments, I imagine a ski slope and their comments simply slide away....

Nonsensical

That's a much more articulate way to say most of us are full of ****.

Mountainmanbob

It says that same thing somewhere in the AA Big Book.

One can learn a lot about alcoholism by reading the Big Book.

MM

zjw

just read this figured i'd share it on this thread.

Don't waste time watching and reacting
the the mind of "others"
Your own mind causes more trouble
than the minds of everyone put together. --mooji

markz

Thats like saying, yes I chose to eat peanuts, but not to become allergic to peanuts.

Humans are humans, its in their nature to be judgemental. We are not special humans that should be treated differently. Our business associates do not have to change, its us that needs to change.