I can't quit until --- changes.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Originally Posted by alaina742 
I just feel like I'm doing something wrong if I'm white knuckling and unhappy in the beginning. Like I'm not "working my program" or something. Everyone else seems to just put it down and then the obsession is lifted.
where does a belief like: "i ought to be happy right off the bat and not only not have difficulties but the obsession should simply be gone "pooof" with no trouble or effort" come from?
can't be from reading thousands of posts on SR
not being sarcastic; examining where my beliefs come from and if they hold up to my lived experience is hugely helpful, i find. maybe you will, too.
and it makes for the possibility of accepting where i'm at, without the "should's" attached that seem to piggyback on those beliefs.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Originally Posted by alaina742
It just seems to be the attitude at meetings. It's a simple program. The obsession will be lifted. Other things people said. NO ONE talks about how hard it is when you first quit.
a slogan that's tossed around like: it's simple but not easy.
i'm not one for slogans much, though.
but the promise of the lifted obsession is way down the road, not right off the bat.
accepting where i'm at lets me hear where others are at and listen to what they're finding helpful from that place.
maybe you need to be the one to speak up and say you're having a hard time?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by alaina742
NO ONE talks about how hard it is when you first quit.
Bottom line, it's not easy when you first start out, and it's not easy moving forward either. Life in general is not "easy". We face difficulty in our home life, our jobs, the world, every single day.
But overwhelmingly, sober life is FAR easier than living as Drunk. Is it a magic kingom where there is no pain, suffering or sadness ? - absolutely not. But it is DEFINITELY better.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by alaina742
It just seems to be the attitude at meetings. It's a simple program. The obsession will be lifted. Other things people said. NO ONE talks about how hard it is when you first quit.
I get told I'm negative for speaking about the "reality" of life But I dont like people to end up with a misguided idea that things are just "peaches and sunshine" in whatever it is life brings us. I dont mean to be negative but I dont want people to get the wrong idea about whats going on.
I could tell you I sobered up I lost over 100lbs. I run 50 60 miles a week. I'm so happy. I got out of debt. I'm a lean mean running machine and Each day life just gets better.
Or I could tell you That when I sobered up it was living hell. I was in massive debt. I had no idea what to do. I was a friggen total and absolute trainwreck. At 3+ years sober I still totally hate my job and I just had a horrible time on saturday while visiting family.
So to answer you its both. There is a really great aspect. There is a really crummy aspect. There are good days there are bad days. A lot depends on what we choose to focus our energies on. Life has its ups and its downs they get easier however the longer your sober but they are sitll there and always will be.
I've read this on this board and it helped me. I'm going to post it again and I hope it helps you.
An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life...
"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
"One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.
"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
"This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
"Which wolf will win?"
The old chief simply replied,
"The one you feed."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by alaina742
It just seems to be the attitude at meetings. It's a simple program. The obsession will be lifted. Other things people said. NO ONE talks about how hard it is when you first quit.
Gettin sober was the hardest thing I ever did( harder than battling cancer whic started 13 months into recovery). It was the biggest fight I ever put up. The mental obsession was quite strong. I didn't realize how strong until the fig lifted after a few weeks. There were days I thought I would go nutser as all I could think about was drinking and I couldn't get the thought out of my head. But every day I layed in bad at the end of the day and I didn't drink was successful and one more day closer to being relieved from the obsession.
the great thing for me was I didn't completely destroy my memory and remembered where alcohol had taken me. I remembered a LOT of the misery. I remembered a LOT if the wreckage.
It was a fight, but by working the program- following the simple suggestions in the big book, going to meetings, and talkin with other alcoholics, the fight just ended. I stopped fighting it as I didn't have to anymore.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
It was beyond hard to quit on my own resources, it was impossible. But there is one who has all power... God could and would if he were sought...
In practical terms what that meant for me was I gave up fighting alcohol and shifted my attention to finding this Higher Power that everyone was talking about but that I didn't understand or have any feeling for. At the start I thought this path would not work for me, so I didn't even take a note of the date I took my last drink.
Three months later the world had changed. I was well into step nine, beginning to practice steps ten and eleven ( the twenty four hour plan) and my sponsor called to tell me I had been sober for three months. Wow! How did that happen. I had stopped fighting anyone or anything, even alcohol. My new attitude towards liquor had been given me without any thought or effort on my part, it just came, that's the miracle of it.
It seems to me that sobriety came almost as a by product of my efforts to develop conscious contact with the God of my understanding through the steps. Most certainly I didn't win the battle with alcohol, victory came through complete surrender.
In practical terms what that meant for me was I gave up fighting alcohol and shifted my attention to finding this Higher Power that everyone was talking about but that I didn't understand or have any feeling for. At the start I thought this path would not work for me, so I didn't even take a note of the date I took my last drink.
Three months later the world had changed. I was well into step nine, beginning to practice steps ten and eleven ( the twenty four hour plan) and my sponsor called to tell me I had been sober for three months. Wow! How did that happen. I had stopped fighting anyone or anything, even alcohol. My new attitude towards liquor had been given me without any thought or effort on my part, it just came, that's the miracle of it.
It seems to me that sobriety came almost as a by product of my efforts to develop conscious contact with the God of my understanding through the steps. Most certainly I didn't win the battle with alcohol, victory came through complete surrender.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by Gottalife
It was beyond hard to quit on my own resources, it was impossible. But there is one who has all power... God could and would if he were sought...
In practical terms what that meant for me was I gave up fighting alcohol and shifted my attention to finding this Higher Power that everyone was talking about but that I didn't understand or have any feeling for. At the start I thought this path would not work for me, so I didn't even take a note of the date I took my last drink.
Three months later the world had changed. I was well into step nine, beginning to practice steps ten and eleven ( the twenty four hour plan) and my sponsor called to tell me I had been sober for three months. Wow! How did that happen. I had stopped fighting anyone or anything, even alcohol. My new attitude towards liquor had been given me without any thought or effort on my part, it just came, that's the miracle of it.
It seems to me that sobriety came almost as a by product of my efforts to develop conscious contact with the God of my understanding through the steps. Most certainly I didn't win the battle with alcohol, victory came through complete surrender.
In practical terms what that meant for me was I gave up fighting alcohol and shifted my attention to finding this Higher Power that everyone was talking about but that I didn't understand or have any feeling for. At the start I thought this path would not work for me, so I didn't even take a note of the date I took my last drink.
Three months later the world had changed. I was well into step nine, beginning to practice steps ten and eleven ( the twenty four hour plan) and my sponsor called to tell me I had been sober for three months. Wow! How did that happen. I had stopped fighting anyone or anything, even alcohol. My new attitude towards liquor had been given me without any thought or effort on my part, it just came, that's the miracle of it.
It seems to me that sobriety came almost as a by product of my efforts to develop conscious contact with the God of my understanding through the steps. Most certainly I didn't win the battle with alcohol, victory came through complete surrender.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 398
Originally Posted by Gottalife
It was beyond hard to quit on my own resources, it was impossible. But there is one who has all power... God could and would if he were sought...
In practical terms what that meant for me was I gave up fighting alcohol and shifted my attention to finding this Higher Power that everyone was talking about but that I didn't understand or have any feeling for. At the start I thought this path would not work for me, so I didn't even take a note of the date I took my last drink.
Three months later the world had changed. I was well into step nine, beginning to practice steps ten and eleven ( the twenty four hour plan) and my sponsor called to tell me I had been sober for three months. Wow! How did that happen. I had stopped fighting anyone or anything, even alcohol. My new attitude towards liquor had been given me without any thought or effort on my part, it just came, that's the miracle of it.
It seems to me that sobriety came almost as a by product of my efforts to develop conscious contact with the God of my understanding through the steps. Most certainly I didn't win the battle with alcohol, victory came through complete surrender.
In practical terms what that meant for me was I gave up fighting alcohol and shifted my attention to finding this Higher Power that everyone was talking about but that I didn't understand or have any feeling for. At the start I thought this path would not work for me, so I didn't even take a note of the date I took my last drink.
Three months later the world had changed. I was well into step nine, beginning to practice steps ten and eleven ( the twenty four hour plan) and my sponsor called to tell me I had been sober for three months. Wow! How did that happen. I had stopped fighting anyone or anything, even alcohol. My new attitude towards liquor had been given me without any thought or effort on my part, it just came, that's the miracle of it.
It seems to me that sobriety came almost as a by product of my efforts to develop conscious contact with the God of my understanding through the steps. Most certainly I didn't win the battle with alcohol, victory came through complete surrender.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 339
Alaina, hang in there. There are times when I felt like I was the only one struggling. I was pissed at myself for making such a simple program so difficult. I have been sober awhile now and still have tough times. I make sure I talk about those struggles at a meeting and I hope you do as well. My sponsor laughs at me sometimes because I swear I should be doing so much better some days. I guess those are just my expectations or the fact that sometimes I compare myself to others at meetings. That is a big mistake I make. My road to sobriety is different than anyone else's, and what I do today is different. I am OK with that now.
You are in the battle and you are doing great!! Hang tough 7-4-2!
You are in the battle and you are doing great!! Hang tough 7-4-2!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 398
So, on a whim I decided to drive by two of those houses for sale. One is a foreclosure and I could tell right away it needs lots of work. The other is adorable! Very tiny but who cares, it's just me. In our real estate market it just may be available in a few months! If its not, it is giving me an idea of what kind of house I can realistically get for that money. I found another one in the town across the river from here. It's SO cheap to buy houses here!!! Of course that's because the economy is not so hot, but you can't have it all, right?
Back to work tomorrow. Do I ask my boss what this big meeting is all about or just wait it out? It's next Tuesday.
Back to work tomorrow. Do I ask my boss what this big meeting is all about or just wait it out? It's next Tuesday.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Do I ask my boss what this big meeting is all about or just wait it out? It's next Tuesday.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 398
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
I can send you links to online meetings if you private message me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 398
Sooo over meetings being cancelled because of the weather. Two in three days! And there were just three of us last night. It was nice, because or of my potential sponsors was there and I got to talk a LOT. I'm actually a bit embarrassed because I put it all out there- INSANITY- the late mortgage, the problems at work, etc. we talked about Step 2 and I started a separate thread on it.
The meeting tonight, the chairwoman is 85 and has been in our program for 37 years. I WANT WHAT SHE HAS LOL. So, she calls me to tell me the meeting is cancelled, and when she was getting off the phone she says "I love you!" Keep coming back indeed!
The meeting tonight, the chairwoman is 85 and has been in our program for 37 years. I WANT WHAT SHE HAS LOL. So, she calls me to tell me the meeting is cancelled, and when she was getting off the phone she says "I love you!" Keep coming back indeed!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
