This is totally insane
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 59
This is totally insane
Hey everyone,
I'm on day four right now and it feels really good to be sober and to have some hope for a better future. My emotions are all over the place, but I reckon that's part of the package. Some of you may have read my long post from a couple of days ago, involving an ambulance ride and a short hospital visit. Not much fun.
Here is my concern and question. One day after this incident, while still physically detoxing, I already thought about drinking again. Am I insane, or is this part of the condition? I suppose it's the latter, but I sometimes get those feelings that I just don't deserve any better. I also recognize that I keep romanticising the so called "fun times", while at the same time being fully aware of all the misery and pain that I have inflicted on myself and more importantly and others through my alcoholism. Feels insane.
Anyway, I'm going to make some music now, as I really have to deviate myself from those drinking thoughts.
I'm on day four right now and it feels really good to be sober and to have some hope for a better future. My emotions are all over the place, but I reckon that's part of the package. Some of you may have read my long post from a couple of days ago, involving an ambulance ride and a short hospital visit. Not much fun.
Here is my concern and question. One day after this incident, while still physically detoxing, I already thought about drinking again. Am I insane, or is this part of the condition? I suppose it's the latter, but I sometimes get those feelings that I just don't deserve any better. I also recognize that I keep romanticising the so called "fun times", while at the same time being fully aware of all the misery and pain that I have inflicted on myself and more importantly and others through my alcoholism. Feels insane.
Anyway, I'm going to make some music now, as I really have to deviate myself from those drinking thoughts.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It's very normal to have those kinds of thoughts DD, addiction does not simply go away when you remove the alcohol. That's why it's so important to have a plan in place to deal with those thoughts and cravings. Coming here and taking through them is one great way to start, glad you decided to do so. Someone is always here if you need us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HK
Posts: 331
I had cravings to drink as well today but they passed. It's all par for the course.
Music is a great idea, anything productive to take your mind off everything. From what I remember you were due to see an AA counsellor, is that right? How'd that go?
Music is a great idea, anything productive to take your mind off everything. From what I remember you were due to see an AA counsellor, is that right? How'd that go?
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by DarkDespair 
One day after this incident, while still physically detoxing, I already thought about drinking again. Am I insane, or is this part of the condition?
Congrats on your decision to live a sober life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
Alcoholism is a disease that tells us, even with years of lies to ourselves, we don’t have a disease.
Alcohol ISM = INCREDIBLE SHORT MEMORY. It’s that simple.
Three things necessary for long term sobriety:
Being honest with ourself about our drinking.
Accepting we cannot drink alcohol again in safety.
Remembering why we are where we are.
BE WELL
Alcoholism is a disease that tells us, even with years of lies to ourselves, we don’t have a disease.
Alcohol ISM = INCREDIBLE SHORT MEMORY. It’s that simple.
Three things necessary for long term sobriety:
Being honest with ourself about our drinking.
Accepting we cannot drink alcohol again in safety.
Remembering why we are where we are.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Originally Posted by DarkDespair
Hey everyone,
I'm on day four right now and it feels really good to be sober and to have some hope for a better future. My emotions are all over the place, but I reckon that's part of the package. Some of you may have read my long post from a couple of days ago, involving an ambulance ride and a short hospital visit. Not much fun.
Here is my concern and question. One day after this incident, while still physically detoxing, I already thought about drinking again. Am I insane...
I'm on day four right now and it feels really good to be sober and to have some hope for a better future. My emotions are all over the place, but I reckon that's part of the package. Some of you may have read my long post from a couple of days ago, involving an ambulance ride and a short hospital visit. Not much fun.
Here is my concern and question. One day after this incident, while still physically detoxing, I already thought about drinking again. Am I insane...
Same way I was insane when I got up in the morning and took a big pull on a bottle of vodka and washed it down with beer so I could get in gear to do yard work.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
DD
You say, I am not worthy, there is nothing in me.
That is exactly why He chose you.
If you think there is anything in you, then He cannot choose you.
If you know you are empty -- then He can choose you to go with Him.
It is our emptiness that is the greatest blessing of all.
You say, I am not worthy, there is nothing in me.
That is exactly why He chose you.
If you think there is anything in you, then He cannot choose you.
If you know you are empty -- then He can choose you to go with Him.
It is our emptiness that is the greatest blessing of all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by DarkDespair
Hey everyone,
I'm on day four right now and it feels really good to be sober and to have some hope for a better future. My emotions are all over the place, but I reckon that's part of the package. Some of you may have read my long post from a couple of days ago, involving an ambulance ride and a short hospital visit. Not much fun.
Here is my concern and question. One day after this incident, while still physically detoxing, I already thought about drinking again. Am I insane, or is this part of the condition? I suppose it's the latter, but I sometimes get those feelings that I just don't deserve any better. I also recognize that I keep romanticising the so called "fun times", while at the same time being fully aware of all the misery and pain that I have inflicted on myself and more importantly and others through my alcoholism. Feels insane.
Anyway, I'm going to make some music now, as I really have to deviate myself from those drinking thoughts.
I'm on day four right now and it feels really good to be sober and to have some hope for a better future. My emotions are all over the place, but I reckon that's part of the package. Some of you may have read my long post from a couple of days ago, involving an ambulance ride and a short hospital visit. Not much fun.
Here is my concern and question. One day after this incident, while still physically detoxing, I already thought about drinking again. Am I insane, or is this part of the condition? I suppose it's the latter, but I sometimes get those feelings that I just don't deserve any better. I also recognize that I keep romanticising the so called "fun times", while at the same time being fully aware of all the misery and pain that I have inflicted on myself and more importantly and others through my alcoholism. Feels insane.
Anyway, I'm going to make some music now, as I really have to deviate myself from those drinking thoughts.
It reads rather common. The thoughts are the mental obsession. I had that for quite some time after I stopped but through footwork on changing me and clearing away the path of wreckage I left, The mental obsession left.
As for feeling not worthy of any better- that's low self esteem.,prolly something you've told yourself for years.
It's a lie. You deserve to be sober and have a good life.
Fun times...I think we all had fun times while drinking.i had quite a few. A couple things I remember,though:
I crossed the line and gave up the right to have fun while drinking. The giggles were gone and if I drink again I will pick up like I never stopped and there will be no fun.
For every fun time there were prolly 100 sick,disgusting, and seriously unfun times.
I had to do some serious fighting the mental obsession. It wasn't always easy, but well worth every second of fight and worth every bit of footwork I put in to change me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 59
Thanks you guys and girls,
@WMJ1012: Does this have something to do with the higher power? I'm not familiar with AA but I know that they have them here as well (Germany). Maybe I should try them out, I want to check out some meetings anyway.
@WMJ1012: Does this have something to do with the higher power? I'm not familiar with AA but I know that they have them here as well (Germany). Maybe I should try them out, I want to check out some meetings anyway.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Once I ended up in the ER due to a drunken fall and a long bender, I discharged myself, head bandaged, and got a six pack 'for the road' back to my place...
Theres no logic to addiction...It's normal for us to think this way. especially in the early days.
D
Theres no logic to addiction...It's normal for us to think this way. especially in the early days.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
I used to come home from the hospital, hospital bracelets still on and would grab a beer as soon as i got home. Its a disease and I was terminally ill. Looking back, I should have died several times. I got better, I work a recovery program everyday, you will too. Your worth the work and having peace of mind and happiness.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 59
Thanks again for your continuous support everyone!
@Dee74 and OklaBH:
Yeah, looking from an outside perspective it seems totally insane. I'm really glad that both of you made it through :-) Right now I'm feeling pretty hopeless again and things in my mind look very bleak. I have this feeling that somehow "fate" or whatever you wanna call it will conspire against my best intentions to get better and stay sober. I'm on day five right now.
But no matter what, I will not drink. I'm very determined and I know that it will make everything so much worse and even more unmanagable. Instead I'll hang around this wonderful place and try to do something. Sleep is actually improving quite a bit. Now I'm going to deliver a parcel to the post office for my mum. See you soon!
@Dee74 and OklaBH:
Yeah, looking from an outside perspective it seems totally insane. I'm really glad that both of you made it through :-) Right now I'm feeling pretty hopeless again and things in my mind look very bleak. I have this feeling that somehow "fate" or whatever you wanna call it will conspire against my best intentions to get better and stay sober. I'm on day five right now.
But no matter what, I will not drink. I'm very determined and I know that it will make everything so much worse and even more unmanagable. Instead I'll hang around this wonderful place and try to do something. Sleep is actually improving quite a bit. Now I'm going to deliver a parcel to the post office for my mum. See you soon!
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: northern AZ
Posts: 796
You're doing great! You're staying aware and monitoring yourself... one step way ahead! Congratulations.
Have you ever been through a relationship breakup... either romantic or friendship? Its the same. You had good times but you also had bad ones resulting in the breakup. Its natural, but certainly not advisable, to dwell on the good times in the early days of a breakup when missing the person... right? Listening to sad music doesn't help like we tend to do after a breakup doesn't help either. Why do we do that to ourselves? Thinking only about how bad things got can help though as can listening to upbeat music. As said, its all the same. You had a relationship with alcohol and all that surrounds it. Apply what you already know from other kinds of breakups... mood swings are part of it.
Have you ever been through a relationship breakup... either romantic or friendship? Its the same. You had good times but you also had bad ones resulting in the breakup. Its natural, but certainly not advisable, to dwell on the good times in the early days of a breakup when missing the person... right? Listening to sad music doesn't help like we tend to do after a breakup doesn't help either. Why do we do that to ourselves? Thinking only about how bad things got can help though as can listening to upbeat music. As said, its all the same. You had a relationship with alcohol and all that surrounds it. Apply what you already know from other kinds of breakups... mood swings are part of it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 192
You are doing great! Five days is awesome. What you are feeling is totally normal. My guess would be that everyone who now has long term sobriety felt exactly as you do...I know I did. As long as you do not drink no matter what--I promise you will be sober 
I know it seems ridiculously simple. Cravings will come and go no matter what but you do NOT ever have to act on them. And the more you don't act on them the more infrequent they will become. The key is to not act on them--one moment at a time.
Hang in there!
I know it seems ridiculously simple. Cravings will come and go no matter what but you do NOT ever have to act on them. And the more you don't act on them the more infrequent they will become. The key is to not act on them--one moment at a time.
Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,945
I have 51 days relapsed after four years sober I know insane why would I go back to that but I did. Relapsed for two years trying to recapture the fun times well I didn't have any just misery. I tried to control my drinking thought I could but I can't. I use AA it has helped a lot congratulations on five days.
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