This is totally insane
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
Originally Posted by DarkDespair 
Thanks you guys and girls,
@WMJ1012: Does this have something to do with the higher power? I'm not familiar with AA but I know that they have them here as well (Germany). Maybe I should try them out, I want to check out some meetings anyway.
@WMJ1012: Does this have something to do with the higher power? I'm not familiar with AA but I know that they have them here as well (Germany). Maybe I should try them out, I want to check out some meetings anyway.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
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something I never shared before, when I was about 18 or 19, I was still living at home -- my parents ended up taking me to the emergency room after someone got me home in the morning in a panic, the only thing I remembered about that night was that I was fascinated that the ice cubes sank to the bottom of the glass of 151 I was drinking - yeah, a kitchen water glass full of 151. Of course that was much later in the night after the beer party ended up somewhere else. Not sure why I just remembered this now.
But at the hospital - there was nothing wrong with me. I think they gave me a shot and sent me on my way. I went drinking again that night. Yeah, I have a long history of drinking... fun times alright.
But at the hospital - there was nothing wrong with me. I think they gave me a shot and sent me on my way. I went drinking again that night. Yeah, I have a long history of drinking... fun times alright.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 59
I guess I need to quit romanticising drinking once and for all. Part of the problem I'm sure could be that I'm still quite young (nearly 24), but it has already brought so much misery and pain on me and even more so on my family and a few really close friends. Gotta get my head out of my *** I reckon.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
DD
Drinking works for only so long. It's different for each person.
All I know is when I had enough I did what I had to do to save my life.
I remember how hard it was to let go of my drinking buddies. One of them would cry and beg etc. I really loved her so it was hard. But I told her I needed to save my life and she understood a little bit
I had to stop answering her calls altogether and after a while she stopped calling.
I still love her in my heart, I heard she's in the state women's prison now.
She crossed over into opiates and just could not or would not see our way of life.
Drinking works for only so long. It's different for each person.
All I know is when I had enough I did what I had to do to save my life.
I remember how hard it was to let go of my drinking buddies. One of them would cry and beg etc. I really loved her so it was hard. But I told her I needed to save my life and she understood a little bit
I had to stop answering her calls altogether and after a while she stopped calling.
I still love her in my heart, I heard she's in the state women's prison now.
She crossed over into opiates and just could not or would not see our way of life.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 59
WMJ1012,
very sad what happened to your friend and what happens to so many others on a daily basis. Makes me feel like a *****. I'd better use the chance I have right now, damn.
As I've posted earlier on, I'm fully aware that if I continue this, it will lead me right to the gutter (already ****** up three times at three different universities). But the main reason I want to stay sober and get better is because for the last years I've felt progressively depressed and I'm just really unhappy about myself and my life right now and the ruin I've already caused thanks to drinking all the time and being an irresponsible coward in every way imaginable. From an outside perspective it must look like I'm demented lol.
Very grateful to have such supportive parents who still believe in me and haven't given up despite all the turmoil and pain I've been causing them. I truly believe that I have some deep underlying personal / psychological issues that I have to work on in order to get better.
Day six and things are not looking so bleak right now, which I largely credit to SR!
very sad what happened to your friend and what happens to so many others on a daily basis. Makes me feel like a *****. I'd better use the chance I have right now, damn.
As I've posted earlier on, I'm fully aware that if I continue this, it will lead me right to the gutter (already ****** up three times at three different universities). But the main reason I want to stay sober and get better is because for the last years I've felt progressively depressed and I'm just really unhappy about myself and my life right now and the ruin I've already caused thanks to drinking all the time and being an irresponsible coward in every way imaginable. From an outside perspective it must look like I'm demented lol.
Very grateful to have such supportive parents who still believe in me and haven't given up despite all the turmoil and pain I've been causing them. I truly believe that I have some deep underlying personal / psychological issues that I have to work on in order to get better.
Day six and things are not looking so bleak right now, which I largely credit to SR!
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 296
Originally Posted by DarkDespair
Hey everyone,
I'm on day four right now and it feels really good to be sober and to have some hope for a better future. My emotions are all over the place, but I reckon that's part of the package. Some of you may have read my long post from a couple of days ago, involving an ambulance ride and a short hospital visit. Not much fun.
Here is my concern and question. One day after this incident, while still physically detoxing, I already thought about drinking again. Am I insane, or is this part of the condition? I suppose it's the latter, but I sometimes get those feelings that I just don't deserve any better. I also recognize that I keep romanticising the so called "fun times", while at the same time being fully aware of all the misery and pain that I have inflicted on myself and more importantly and others through my alcoholism. Feels insane.
Anyway, I'm going to make some music now, as I really have to deviate myself from those drinking thoughts.
I'm on day four right now and it feels really good to be sober and to have some hope for a better future. My emotions are all over the place, but I reckon that's part of the package. Some of you may have read my long post from a couple of days ago, involving an ambulance ride and a short hospital visit. Not much fun.
Here is my concern and question. One day after this incident, while still physically detoxing, I already thought about drinking again. Am I insane, or is this part of the condition? I suppose it's the latter, but I sometimes get those feelings that I just don't deserve any better. I also recognize that I keep romanticising the so called "fun times", while at the same time being fully aware of all the misery and pain that I have inflicted on myself and more importantly and others through my alcoholism. Feels insane.
Anyway, I'm going to make some music now, as I really have to deviate myself from those drinking thoughts.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Originally Posted by markz
IF - you were fully aware, you wouldnt drink. You are not fully aware, this is the insane part of alcoholism, that is why you drink. If you were sane you would be fully aware. This is the key part to alcoholism, we lie to ourselves time and time again. You are lying to yourself in your post.
I'm not quite getting your post to be honest. I'm actually not drinking, I'm on day six sober and awaiting my next meeting with a counsellor. I also don't understand where in that opening post I was lying to myself? There has to be some misunderstanding here I think, but maybe you can explain a bit more what you meant in your post? : )
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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Originally Posted by DarkDespair
...
Here is my concern and question. One day after this incident, while still physically detoxing, I already thought about drinking again. Am I insane, or is this part of the condition?
Here is my concern and question. One day after this incident, while still physically detoxing, I already thought about drinking again. Am I insane, or is this part of the condition?
O.k. that was it. I was going to do something about it! I called AA and was going to attend a meeting that weekend but by the time Friday rolled around I wasn`t looking too bad.
However, I did make a half-hearted effort to attend an AA meeting but couldn't find the place.
Oh, well.
Six years later I made the call again. This time I found the meeting.
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