courage2

S'mores sound good. And sleep, lots of it, or if you can't sleep, just lying in bed under the covers with Teddy. I've developed a familiarity with the deeps behind the backs of my eyelids of which I never would have dreamed.

I believe in you, too. I don't know what 60% of the words in that sentence mean, but it's true, even so. xxoo

trachemys

OK, Commander Cow...why another pill?

Cow

Thanks Bunny and Robot and Soberly and Della and Lenina and oh hell, just alls of you.

Trach, other pill cuz depressions/anhedonia reaching catastrophic levels ... ... and PS. I total more handsome than those pictures and you know it.

Robot, humor not really that much of diversion for me, cuz... I not find humor humorous. Wish I did. Maybe some day. But, exercise of writing "humorous" or "creative" thing is distraction I guess. Right now I on life support only, so I not even thinking of what challenges is to come. ...but you better well be here with answers when I does!

Bunny, I still on sleepy pills, so I can sleep. But last night, I had already take sleepy pill when diarrhea hit, so then I has to fight to stays awake so I can make the poops! Jesus God!

biminiblue

S'mores sounds like chocolate - and that's part of the Evil Empire.

Hi, Cow. I'll just say Good Luck with that - all of it.

Cow

I not really going to Mount Doom, Bimi. Jesus God, I not that stupid. ... ... Although I does hear Sauron make outstanding toasted grill cheese.

Thank you for well wishings!

biminiblue

I think I might be the only person on earth who doesn't know the Lord of the Rings and any references about it.








That's what you're talking about? I'm just guessing here...from other online conversations...

trachemys

MMMmmmm, grilled cheese. BRB.

trachemys

Bim, that's easy to fix. The books are more entertaining than the movies.

biminiblue

I fell asleep during the movie.

I'm not a big fantasy/sci-fi lover. Meh, to each their own.

Gilmer

I have tried twice and kept getting midway through The Two Towers before I got saturated with it all and put it aside.

SoberLeigh

There are least two of us, bim . . .

alphaomega

Just want you to know I'm thinking about you and rooting for you. So hard.

... I want beautiful things for Cow...

Tonks

Add one more to your ground-based support team Cow. Cheering for ya

Della1968

Welcome to the dark side Tonka Toy!

Cow

Sacré (bimini)bleu! How is you falling asleep during LOTR when is hot guys running about with long dishevel hair, big swords and swarthy Middle Earth accents.

Well, nap was no go, so now I just sitting watching my hummybirds. Pris really being bitchy today, will not let Lil' Bit has even one drink! Womens!

Hi AO and welcome Tonk, thank you for you support.

Well I talk to sponsor and tell her I need to steps back from AA at least for now, cuz what with therapist, case manager, psych. nurse, sponsor and meetings is just too much. Too much focus on IT. That plus, I too dead and depress and has no energy right now to do step exercises or even listen though meetings. I not think it helping me, is all just endless mental percolations but never any feeling of progress or relief. Maybe if/when I feeling better and have maybe some emotions or energy so I can actual engage and feel motivations from that stuff, I get more from it.

trachemys

Baby Cow, all you have to do is not do. Don't use. Simple as that.

kittycat3

You got this cow! Your little Kittycat is here at your feet. Just please don't step on me

courage2

I really really don't want to be the bad guy. And I don't care at all about whether you do AA or get sober some other way. But, I just have to draw your attention to this, Cow:

And I have to ask you, what is "it" that isn't helping you? How about a little rephrasing...

-- and never, so far, very many consecutive days sober, I think.

I've been going to meetings several times a week for two years and I've never ever heard that AA provided motivation to get or stay sober. That's not what it's for.

Did you tell your sponsor as you were backing away that you'd been lying to her about your day count?

I'm just poking you in hopes that you'll get honest and also get sick of some of the tricks you pull. You're only hurting yourself with them. I'm on your side, as I know you know.

Hawkeye13

Just checking in Cow

We're getting a snowstorm and the birds have been at the feeders all day stocking up.
I had to get another fifty pounds of sunflower seeds to get them through the cold snap
and snow in as much comfort as possible. I live near a wildlife refuge so have many
types of birds and quite a volume of traffic--for example three kinds of Woodpeckers.

My woodpeckers are the "enforcers" at my feeders.
There is one I call Zena who is a bad-azz bird with a beak like one
of those Middle Earth swords.

I watch them pretty much every morning and evening and it gives me some peace.
I hope you are finding a little peace yourself this evening.

It takes time for things to level out with the sobriety.
It does level out, but you can expect some lows while that happens.

Lots of hot showers and old movies helped me get through it.
Keep posting your coordinates, Major Cow. . .

trachemys

Then don't be, bunny. Enough snark! Cow's doing something amazing right now and needs 100% support.

Go Cow! Don't let the snarkys get you down!