Losing best friend on the anniversary of MVA, help?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
Losing best friend on the anniversary of MVA, help?
Posting this so I dont drink.
3 years ago today I was hit by a drunk driver (?) who fled and left me bleeding in the middle of the street. Police never found this person and I suffered extensive injuries from being thrown in the air. The only thing that saved me was an ambulance that just happened to drive by.
The anniversary of this date always messes with my head as I was diagnosed PTSD, had a 3rd degree concussion from smacking my head, still have seizures and memory problems and so on.
I can only work part time as I take 9 pills a day for the brain injury. I am still young but I feel like this year the incident is messing with me. I usually call police every year and ask if there are any leads, but I have given that up as they seem annoyed with me and think I am a pathetic drunk (I was walking home intoxicated but remember it all aside from the lifeflight and ICU for three days).
This year, I decided to stay in bed all day because I usually re-live the accident like a tape. Waking up in ICU, people accusing me that I did it on purpose. Police saying stop calling that I should just "get over it". That was fine until my mother called and said my dad nearly missed a head-on crash on the way to work this morning. She said to turn on the news and that someone my age had died. I don't know why she told me this as it just triggered panic attacks. Three cars involved, he saw it.
I went straight to bed. I am off work today and knew if I didn't I will drink. At noon, my best friend and upstairs neighbor called telling me she is leaving the house we share and moving away. We only have a door that separates us and we are great friends. She gave me no warning, and before her, I had an angry old man who would stomp around at all hours. I have no say in who comes in next as I rent.
She is coming home and wants me to help her pack right now. I am losing my best friend and REALLY feel the urge to drink. I usually go for walks, but cars and people are freaking me out today especially after seeing the accident my dad just witnessed.
I have seen many therapists, psychologists, so on. I have been on every antidepressant out there, every anti-anxiety pill. It is only noon and I don't know what to do. I feel like I am going crazy today. My mind is racing. When I did get to sleep this morning, I had nightmares. I just hope whoever hit me with that car years ago lives with these same flashbacks too. Im losing my best friend, Im having flashbacks, and I am stuck inside as I feel like Im going nuts. What would you all do if you were me today?
3 years ago today I was hit by a drunk driver (?) who fled and left me bleeding in the middle of the street. Police never found this person and I suffered extensive injuries from being thrown in the air. The only thing that saved me was an ambulance that just happened to drive by.
The anniversary of this date always messes with my head as I was diagnosed PTSD, had a 3rd degree concussion from smacking my head, still have seizures and memory problems and so on.
I can only work part time as I take 9 pills a day for the brain injury. I am still young but I feel like this year the incident is messing with me. I usually call police every year and ask if there are any leads, but I have given that up as they seem annoyed with me and think I am a pathetic drunk (I was walking home intoxicated but remember it all aside from the lifeflight and ICU for three days).
This year, I decided to stay in bed all day because I usually re-live the accident like a tape. Waking up in ICU, people accusing me that I did it on purpose. Police saying stop calling that I should just "get over it". That was fine until my mother called and said my dad nearly missed a head-on crash on the way to work this morning. She said to turn on the news and that someone my age had died. I don't know why she told me this as it just triggered panic attacks. Three cars involved, he saw it.
I went straight to bed. I am off work today and knew if I didn't I will drink. At noon, my best friend and upstairs neighbor called telling me she is leaving the house we share and moving away. We only have a door that separates us and we are great friends. She gave me no warning, and before her, I had an angry old man who would stomp around at all hours. I have no say in who comes in next as I rent.
She is coming home and wants me to help her pack right now. I am losing my best friend and REALLY feel the urge to drink. I usually go for walks, but cars and people are freaking me out today especially after seeing the accident my dad just witnessed.
I have seen many therapists, psychologists, so on. I have been on every antidepressant out there, every anti-anxiety pill. It is only noon and I don't know what to do. I feel like I am going crazy today. My mind is racing. When I did get to sleep this morning, I had nightmares. I just hope whoever hit me with that car years ago lives with these same flashbacks too. Im losing my best friend, Im having flashbacks, and I am stuck inside as I feel like Im going nuts. What would you all do if you were me today?
I would remember all the trouble drinking has caused.
I would ask myself how drinking would help me knowing it will only make it worse.
I would go to a meeting to strengthen my resolve with others who feel the same way.
Best.
I would ask myself how drinking would help me knowing it will only make it worse.
I would go to a meeting to strengthen my resolve with others who feel the same way.
Best.
Hi BBE, i agree with this is me remember all the trouble alcohol has caused im sorry your best friend is moving out but hopefully not to far and you can still visit
no matter what i wouldnt drink im so sorry for your accident
Try this A breathing exercise that calms panic attacks.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
You have us for support 24/7
no matter what i wouldnt drink im so sorry for your accident
Try this A breathing exercise that calms panic attacks.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
You have us for support 24/7
I can't offer anything with regards to the urge to drink part (i'm from the friends and family side) but there are some things that have helped me heal and find peace from this same type of accident.
14 years ago in April, on my birthday, I was also hit by an assumed drunk driver that fled - they never found him (him because people saw him). My boyfriend at the time and I were on a motorcycle we had just finished restoring. My bf at the time lost his left leg, and I came as close as I ever want to to losing mine. I had no insurance - crazy doctor bills leading to bankruptcy, a year in a wheel chair and on crutches for me, and the end of the relationship because he became addicted to meth.
My boyfriend at the time's life has spiraled down - first meth, then imprisonment, then booze, then serious drunk injuries, and now, well on his way to imprisonment again. He cannot forgive the person that hit us, and he still feels his life is over because of the loss of his limb. If he ever met the person that hit us today - he would kill him. I stay far far away from that X, and I hate what happened to him, and love and hope for him from a distance.
My injuries were very bad - not as bad as his. I just kept thinking how thankful I was to be alive - 9 motorcycle wrecks in our town that summer. 4 of us are alive.
What has helped me -
Forgiving the guy. Not for him, but for me. I like to think that if I ever met him, i'd grab his hand and just want to ask him questions about that night. I always thought that if we found him, the financial burden would probably hurt a wife and kids more than it hurt him.
Counseling - man, PTSD SUCKS. The dreams, the panic - all of it. I hated my birthday ever since - depression takes over and I isolate. Counseling helped me there. Call your friend - every day if you need to. Moving doesn't have to be devastating.
HP - for me, church helped - helped with forgiveness, helped with inner peace, helped with not isolating, and helped with support. If you aren't into church, your meetings (if you attend) can take that place. If you're not into AA - there are online forums for PTSD too. Whatever your HP may be, I hope you find some solace there.
Exercise - yoga and meditation specifically. Damn - i can have the worst day, anxiety peaking, so much stress, in hell at work and at home, dwelling on the past, all that. Then, I go to yoga and meditate after. I feel like I've had an hour and a half full body massage when it's done. It has changed everything for me.
I hope the best for you and am so sorry you went through that. A lot of empathy from me. (((HUGS)))
14 years ago in April, on my birthday, I was also hit by an assumed drunk driver that fled - they never found him (him because people saw him). My boyfriend at the time and I were on a motorcycle we had just finished restoring. My bf at the time lost his left leg, and I came as close as I ever want to to losing mine. I had no insurance - crazy doctor bills leading to bankruptcy, a year in a wheel chair and on crutches for me, and the end of the relationship because he became addicted to meth.
My boyfriend at the time's life has spiraled down - first meth, then imprisonment, then booze, then serious drunk injuries, and now, well on his way to imprisonment again. He cannot forgive the person that hit us, and he still feels his life is over because of the loss of his limb. If he ever met the person that hit us today - he would kill him. I stay far far away from that X, and I hate what happened to him, and love and hope for him from a distance.
My injuries were very bad - not as bad as his. I just kept thinking how thankful I was to be alive - 9 motorcycle wrecks in our town that summer. 4 of us are alive.
What has helped me -
Forgiving the guy. Not for him, but for me. I like to think that if I ever met him, i'd grab his hand and just want to ask him questions about that night. I always thought that if we found him, the financial burden would probably hurt a wife and kids more than it hurt him.
Counseling - man, PTSD SUCKS. The dreams, the panic - all of it. I hated my birthday ever since - depression takes over and I isolate. Counseling helped me there. Call your friend - every day if you need to. Moving doesn't have to be devastating.
HP - for me, church helped - helped with forgiveness, helped with inner peace, helped with not isolating, and helped with support. If you aren't into church, your meetings (if you attend) can take that place. If you're not into AA - there are online forums for PTSD too. Whatever your HP may be, I hope you find some solace there.
Exercise - yoga and meditation specifically. Damn - i can have the worst day, anxiety peaking, so much stress, in hell at work and at home, dwelling on the past, all that. Then, I go to yoga and meditate after. I feel like I've had an hour and a half full body massage when it's done. It has changed everything for me.
I hope the best for you and am so sorry you went through that. A lot of empathy from me. (((HUGS)))
Those are some dreadful events you have experienced. As a drinking alcoholic I frequently drove drunk and it is only by some miracle that I didn't cause a similar accident. I now know that I was doing the wrong thing and I have no plans to ever drink again.
As far as your questions about losing your friend and feeling like drinking, I feel very grateful that my sponsor taught me that people have feet of clay. They will always let you down. They will do something or say something we don't like, they will move away, they will be unavailable when we really need them, they will die. Human frailty is the main reason my defence against the first drink must come from a power greater than me. Humans, with the best of intentions, can't be there 24/7/365, and can't make their own existence secondary to mine every time something goes wrong for me.
The most freeing aspect of AA for me has been making conscious contact with the God of my understanding. That has enabled me to live independently of anyone else and endure the trials and low spots we all suffer, including the deaths of my wife, father, sponsor and best friend, without any thought of drinking.
Being beyond human aid, I needed to find something beyond human power to solve my problem. Trying to live by the principles in AA twelve steps has put me in that position.
As far as your questions about losing your friend and feeling like drinking, I feel very grateful that my sponsor taught me that people have feet of clay. They will always let you down. They will do something or say something we don't like, they will move away, they will be unavailable when we really need them, they will die. Human frailty is the main reason my defence against the first drink must come from a power greater than me. Humans, with the best of intentions, can't be there 24/7/365, and can't make their own existence secondary to mine every time something goes wrong for me.
The most freeing aspect of AA for me has been making conscious contact with the God of my understanding. That has enabled me to live independently of anyone else and endure the trials and low spots we all suffer, including the deaths of my wife, father, sponsor and best friend, without any thought of drinking.
Being beyond human aid, I needed to find something beyond human power to solve my problem. Trying to live by the principles in AA twelve steps has put me in that position.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I would realize first that drinking wont solve squat if anything it'll just make it worse. I'd probably try to get my mind occupied on something anything even if its cleaning something that doesn't even need cleaning. If I was unable to do that then I'd realize that this too shall pass. The feelings will well up and then subside in time and life can and will go on. I'd wait it out if I had too.
It sounds like your already trying whatever pill with no such luck. I myself wish I had some pill but reading your post makes me realize maybe a pill wouldn't always work even.
It sounds like your already trying whatever pill with no such luck. I myself wish I had some pill but reading your post makes me realize maybe a pill wouldn't always work even.
What would you all do if you were me today?
I would come here and post. Other than sorry for your trauma, I can't say anything to help. Other than you are amongst friends here.
I can say what i would do, but it is what I would, can't say it helps.
I would lay down. Rest. My mind would be racing and in a panic. I wouldn't be able to make good decisions in this situation, so I would stop until I could. And eventually I could. It may take an hour, it may take 12 days, but I would't do anything but take care of myself right now. At the same time I would be thinking I could get drunk and escape, but I have done that and it doesn't help... so I would lay down and let the waves of emotions pass me by. I wouldn't be able to make good choices right now, so I wouldn't make any.
That's just me though. It isn't an opinion on your situation, but a recollection of a similar situation of mine, and i chose the drinking route then and never will again.
Making things worse... well it is what I used do and I can't recommend it.
I would come here and post. Other than sorry for your trauma, I can't say anything to help. Other than you are amongst friends here.
I can say what i would do, but it is what I would, can't say it helps.
I would lay down. Rest. My mind would be racing and in a panic. I wouldn't be able to make good decisions in this situation, so I would stop until I could. And eventually I could. It may take an hour, it may take 12 days, but I would't do anything but take care of myself right now. At the same time I would be thinking I could get drunk and escape, but I have done that and it doesn't help... so I would lay down and let the waves of emotions pass me by. I wouldn't be able to make good choices right now, so I wouldn't make any.
That's just me though. It isn't an opinion on your situation, but a recollection of a similar situation of mine, and i chose the drinking route then and never will again.
Making things worse... well it is what I used do and I can't recommend it.
Sorry you went through all that.
Maybe I'm out on a limb here, but your mother may have called you after the accident because it reminded her of yours and she wanted to hear your voice, she's probably just so happy you're still there, and that her husband is alright.
Maybe your dad would like to talk to you as well. You can imagine how he feels right now. By being there for him, you might get outside of your own head as well.
I don't know the solution to ptsd as I'm still suffering as well, but having people to depend on really helps. You might help your dad to not develop ptsd, talk to him about his accident as well as yours.
Maybe I'm out on a limb here, but your mother may have called you after the accident because it reminded her of yours and she wanted to hear your voice, she's probably just so happy you're still there, and that her husband is alright.
Maybe your dad would like to talk to you as well. You can imagine how he feels right now. By being there for him, you might get outside of your own head as well.
I don't know the solution to ptsd as I'm still suffering as well, but having people to depend on really helps. You might help your dad to not develop ptsd, talk to him about his accident as well as yours.
I'm sorry about your friend but you can still keep in touch, right?
Some great advice here BBE. You could use this day, this anniversary, to do something different and positive and not drink.
Start a new healthy tradition
D
Some great advice here BBE. You could use this day, this anniversary, to do something different and positive and not drink.
Start a new healthy tradition
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)