What if I weren't an alcoholic?
p***enger
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,025
What if I weren't an alcoholic?
...I'd be drunk now.
Walking home in the early cold dark, the fact that when I asked myself the given question, that was the first thing that popped into my head...
it makes me realize, oh boy, oh yeah, I am.
Walking home in the early cold dark, the fact that when I asked myself the given question, that was the first thing that popped into my head...
it makes me realize, oh boy, oh yeah, I am.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
I think if I were not an alcoholic, I would not drink anyway. Drinking made everything worse. I love living the sober life. I have never once said to anyone" I am so sorry I was sober last night." Can't say that about drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hello bluestar.
and welcome.
i drank many many nights, too.
and for a few weeks, i drank nightly while reading on a recovery forum.
an exquisite torture of disconnect and despair and "up yours" all rolled into one.
hope you find something of use to you here.
and welcome.
i drank many many nights, too.
and for a few weeks, i drank nightly while reading on a recovery forum.
an exquisite torture of disconnect and despair and "up yours" all rolled into one.
hope you find something of use to you here.
p***enger
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,025
Bluestar, I hope you stick around and come back here too when you're not drinking.
This forum and the support it led me to probably saved my life -- it certainly saved my health, my mind, my marriage and my career.
I understand. We want so much what's so bad for us, and part of the way we know it's bad for us, is how much we want it. That's some catch, isn't it?
This forum and the support it led me to probably saved my life -- it certainly saved my health, my mind, my marriage and my career.
I understand. We want so much what's so bad for us, and part of the way we know it's bad for us, is how much we want it. That's some catch, isn't it?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Roger Ebert, a recovering alcoholic said that if drinking didn't cause hangovers he probably wouldn't have stopped. I think he was sober for the last 30 years or so of his life.
I was the same way. It wasn't the drinking I couldn't handle, it was the nuclear withdrawal/hangovers everyday.
I was the same way. It wasn't the drinking I couldn't handle, it was the nuclear withdrawal/hangovers everyday.
30yrdrunk
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 89
Hangovers were only a small part of my desire to be sober. I've said and done so many embarrassing and shameful things. Drinking shaped my decision making. I was getting drunk every weekend neglecting my studies, not taking care of myself properly. Drinking robbed me of so much productive time. Wasn't realizing my full potential. 'What if' is unhealthy thinking as for most us we spent so much time denying a glaring problem.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by 30yrdrunk 
Hangovers were only a small part of my desire to be sober. I've said and done so many embarrassing and shameful things. Drinking shaped my decision making. I was getting drunk every weekend neglecting my studies, not taking care of myself properly. Drinking robbed me of so much productive time. Wasn't realizing my full potential. 'What if' is unhealthy thinking as for most us we spent so much time denying a glaring problem.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
yes, it wasn't the amount I drank, it was the way that even a little bit (comparatively speaking) messed up my emotions and moods. It messed with my body chemistry. The 24 hours or so of hangover was just a tiny bit. The long, drawn out effects were the worst. The apathy, the depressions, that lack of Life feeling.
I'm grateful to be sober these days.
Love from Lenina
I'm grateful to be sober these days.
Love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by Lenina
yes, it wasn't the amount I drank, it was the way that even a little bit (comparatively speaking) messed up my emotions and moods. It messed with my body chemistry. The 24 hours or so of hangover was just a tiny bit. The long, drawn out effects were the worst. The apathy, the depressions, that lack of Life feeling.
I'm grateful to be sober these days.
Love from Lenina
I'm grateful to be sober these days.
Love from Lenina
There is no equilibrium when drinking. No balance. The opposite of "zen."
The daily debate was a nightmare:
I won't drink tonight.
Maybe I will drink tonight.
Do I drink tonight?
Okay I will drink tonight.
How much do I drink tonight?
What kind of alcohol?
When can I start?
Will it be enough?
How will I feel tomorrow?
Did I buy enough?
Did I buy too much?
Did I buy enough or should I go get more before I get drunk?
I'll stop drinking at 9:00 pm.
I'll stop drinking at 10:00 pm.
I'll stop drinking at 1:00 am.
I'll stop tomorrow.
I'll stop tomorrow.
I'll stop tomorrow.
Not tonight. Tomorrow.
A constant battle that we can only win by abstaining. Isn't it interesting to finally realize that not drinking is easier than drinking? After all those years of worrying about not drinking it's a pretty amazing moment.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
If I weren't an alcoholic, then drinking wouldn't be important to me. But that doesn't mean I would have been a better person, or that I would have lived a better life. I was forced to change everything in my life, including my thinking and the way I respond to my feelings in order to get sober and to live a good life. Not many people choose such a path in the absence of a great deal of pain and suffering.
Having gotten sober, the world is filled with possibilities, some of which I've never before imagined for myself.
"What if I had never stopped drinking?" When I've asked that question, then the possibilities are whittled down to a disheartening few.
Having gotten sober, the world is filled with possibilities, some of which I've never before imagined for myself.
"What if I had never stopped drinking?" When I've asked that question, then the possibilities are whittled down to a disheartening few.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by huntingtontx
I think if I were not an alcoholic, I would not drink anyway. Drinking made everything worse. I love living the sober life. I have never once said to anyone" I am so sorry I was sober last night." Can't say that about drinking.
Some of the "normal drinkers" aren't too normal at at all IMO
That said, just being sober is a great option.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Bay, So Cal
Posts: 6,116
Courage, by being an alcoholic in recovery, I've gone through doors I probably wouldn't have...here in SR being a very important one. The support and caring here are genuine....a wonderful "benefit" of being an alcoholic.Yep.❤️❤️
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
if i didnt have the problem, i very well might have gone all the way through my life without getting a little more honest with myself about myself.
not saying that i have it all figured out now. not saying the recovered have a step up. its just that many people escape themselves their whole lives.
i have gained some insight, gratitude, and humility while dusting myself off. it was a bitch, but i do feel better for it. it is this growth that offsets the guilt.
not saying that i have it all figured out now. not saying the recovered have a step up. its just that many people escape themselves their whole lives.
i have gained some insight, gratitude, and humility while dusting myself off. it was a bitch, but i do feel better for it. it is this growth that offsets the guilt.
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