Sober 2-1/2 years but struggling lately
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 339
Sober 2-1/2 years but struggling lately
I had my last drink on August 30th 2012. I went through 28 days of rehab, 40 days of jail, one year without driving, 2 outpatient courses, 12 months of having an interlock device in my car and here I sit today struggling. Man alcohol is a wicked mistress! I have been having some issues with my wife, work and my children and I am letting it pile up. I used to be able to keep my head straight but lately. I think maybe just a quick 2 day bender and then back to sobriety. What alcoholic has not thought of that!!! I know that will not work. Will not solve my problems. They will all be there but only worse after drinking. I just can't seem to shake the negative thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Relationships and stress.....that combination sure is a bugger isn't it for us alcoholics?! Can't live with them, can't live without them! That bender idea.....you are right that it will just make the issues with the wife, work, and your children worse. I've given it a thought or two....okay...more than two....more like two thousand....but every time I play the tape ALL the way to the end....the ending isn't very good. In fact it is a nightmare. This will pass. You will get through this. You will be stronger for it 
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hang in there Familyman your doing exellent at 2.5 years sober
Try this when you get those thoughts http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
Try this when you get those thoughts http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Hi Family Man -
Completely get it and have felt the same way. Regardless of all the good that has happened since sobriety and the knowledge that many of these problems with normal life will pass with time (and certainly won't be solved by drinking), my alcoholism is still there and continues to progress.
What I have learned is that when I start feeling this way, my only solution is to take action. Action can be posting on SR, helping another alcoholics, going to AA meetings, being a speaker at a rehab center -- whatever it is. The key for me is to do something and this makes the feelings pass. I have six years sober and I still have thoughts that I know is my alcoholic brain talking to me. Through action, I quiet the voices.
Completely get it and have felt the same way. Regardless of all the good that has happened since sobriety and the knowledge that many of these problems with normal life will pass with time (and certainly won't be solved by drinking), my alcoholism is still there and continues to progress.
What I have learned is that when I start feeling this way, my only solution is to take action. Action can be posting on SR, helping another alcoholics, going to AA meetings, being a speaker at a rehab center -- whatever it is. The key for me is to do something and this makes the feelings pass. I have six years sober and I still have thoughts that I know is my alcoholic brain talking to me. Through action, I quiet the voices.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I think maybe just a quick 2 day bender and then back to sobriety. What alcoholic has not thought of that!!! I know that will not work. Will not solve my problems. They will all be there but only worse after drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
I don't know if you go to AA, but I would consider it. This folks there can help you with their experiences. And when you tell someone you are struggling and why, your problem is cut in half because you have shared it. And just maybe, they might have some good advice.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Yep!
Just maybe you can lean on the experience of people with years of experience staying sober. When people need help it’s a good idea to let others know it, I’ll almost guarantee that some one and more will offer some helpful ideas like postpone the drink or keep coming we need you.
BE WELL
Just maybe you can lean on the experience of people with years of experience staying sober. When people need help it’s a good idea to let others know it, I’ll almost guarantee that some one and more will offer some helpful ideas like postpone the drink or keep coming we need you.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Great job on two and a half years! Have you ever actually worked a program of recovery? Sometimes that's required to experience a psychic shift in the thinking. Letting go of resentments, etc. I'm not necessarily an AA advocate, but the 12 steps work for many.
I also found it helpful to understand what a big role my ego, or false self, played in my inability to accept my situation and be present. The constant inner dialogue and all the criticizing, comparing, labeling it did was always creating unhappiness and an urge to escape. A New Earth, by Ekhart Tolle was helpful to me in that regard. Or Awareness, by Anthony DeMello.
I also found it helpful to understand what a big role my ego, or false self, played in my inability to accept my situation and be present. The constant inner dialogue and all the criticizing, comparing, labeling it did was always creating unhappiness and an urge to escape. A New Earth, by Ekhart Tolle was helpful to me in that regard. Or Awareness, by Anthony DeMello.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I got a lot of stress at home myself right now. and I have on more then one occaision thought if only I had a valium or a drink or something to take the edge off etc.. But all I can do is push through it as usual. each day I go to bed and I think oh thank goodness I made it through today and I hope the next day will be better an it usually is just a smidge. I know my stresses will ease up.
You cant allow things to pile up. and if you do don't face the pile just face the pieces the pile is way too overwhelming usually. Just keep pushing through it. I think this is how the normies do it.
You cant allow things to pile up. and if you do don't face the pile just face the pieces the pile is way too overwhelming usually. Just keep pushing through it. I think this is how the normies do it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 296
I know people with 25 years, struggle.
I hear of people with 40 years struggle.
I know those same people, sleeping in their vehicle. Refuse help (Inflated Ego), Refuse Advice (Too proud). But hey they go to AA meetings EVERYDAY, know the program inside and out. But they still struggle. Doesnt matter how much time anyone has in, in AA, SMART, AV, NA, CA, GA, SA, OA. Why do they struggle? They are not taking care of themselves, or putting themselves first, or setting up bounderies, or letting go of enabling people, or co-dependant people. You see that stuff there aint AA info, just life info. People struggle, why? It boils down to whats inside. I see people all the time, blame this, blame that, blame the other thing. No its not blaming out there. Its always inside us. What are we thinking, how are we feeling, what are we doing/acting. All three of those are co-mingled together. One leads to the other.
Its common sense right, you would think that something that is common sense would be common. Normal people struggle. Whats normal? who knows. The bible is common sense. The Big Book of AA is common sense. The 12 steps are common sense. The SMART recovery booklet is common sense. I havent been to SMART in a very long time, but I do know its a more scientific approach, but the thing with that is, comes down to what do I believe!
I hear of people with 40 years struggle.
I know those same people, sleeping in their vehicle. Refuse help (Inflated Ego), Refuse Advice (Too proud). But hey they go to AA meetings EVERYDAY, know the program inside and out. But they still struggle. Doesnt matter how much time anyone has in, in AA, SMART, AV, NA, CA, GA, SA, OA. Why do they struggle? They are not taking care of themselves, or putting themselves first, or setting up bounderies, or letting go of enabling people, or co-dependant people. You see that stuff there aint AA info, just life info. People struggle, why? It boils down to whats inside. I see people all the time, blame this, blame that, blame the other thing. No its not blaming out there. Its always inside us. What are we thinking, how are we feeling, what are we doing/acting. All three of those are co-mingled together. One leads to the other.
Its common sense right, you would think that something that is common sense would be common. Normal people struggle. Whats normal? who knows. The bible is common sense. The Big Book of AA is common sense. The 12 steps are common sense. The SMART recovery booklet is common sense. I havent been to SMART in a very long time, but I do know its a more scientific approach, but the thing with that is, comes down to what do I believe!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East of ole Miss
Posts: 16
Hey FamilyMan
First things first.... Congrats on the 2 1/2 yrs you have..... congrats on taking the time to write your struggles.....congrats on the 24 hours you have today for being sober...
Now moving on before your ego gets too big from all the pats on the back...you need a kick in the arse....you KNOW this..you KNOW the right steps...YOU know YOU and your cunning baffling disease...You know if you take that bender it may be luck IF you make it back as pointed out BUT if you are one of the fortunate few who do than you may lose more than license, drinking.....you may lose friends family or wife and kids or job......it is all able to be taken away with one drink is all it takes for us....or at least for this alcoholic...
You have leaned on SR...You have been open and honest about your troubles....and humble enough to admit your faults.....Pray if you do...if not than talk to another and get into their problem so you are not thinking about your own as much....it works when you get into another and help them out and you dont have time to think on your own stuff and stress goes away from the time of it as gratifying as it sounds the helping of another lets your worries dwindle during that time not disappear but the time makes them less powerful over you since your now feeling great from helping someone else who needed you. Its a selfless act of kindness which saves your own arse. Now to say people dont feel it...i call BS on it. I have almost 11 yrs and still have those days where i just want to say thats it God I cant take no more.....but you know what...I call my sponsor hope on a sober chat...hop on SR....or call one of my sponsees or hang with my kids and wife...i just shut myself down from thinking and get into someone else whether it is problems they have or just to hang with kids and play UNO or something they enjoy and be a kid again with them....sometimes I even give myself a facial and yes I am a guy who is a manly guy but a facial mud on your face and chase the kids around with mud mask....come on it is fun and kids love it and I get relaxed and laughter....
You can over analysis this to death when comes to this disease too......you have a LIFE issue and it begins with alcohol....add it and your all messed up...dont add it and your life is just another day in the rat race where you have to find the peace and tranquility within or surround yourself in your enjoyments....
Life is good and your name says your about your kids...your family....your world is filled with love and happiness around you if you allow it to flow with you and not try to be in the way of it....get a box a crayons and have some fun....or if your kids are older...do something crazy with them.....skydive...something they will remember for their lives that you did with them for all of you to enjoy and treasure...my kids enjoy the sober me a lot more fun this way.....
Its worth the extra effort to just be silly....Have fun quit worrying about time or stress....you have today and your family enjoy them
Just my opinion my friend and hugs to ya your in my prayers tonight
First things first.... Congrats on the 2 1/2 yrs you have..... congrats on taking the time to write your struggles.....congrats on the 24 hours you have today for being sober...
Now moving on before your ego gets too big from all the pats on the back...you need a kick in the arse....you KNOW this..you KNOW the right steps...YOU know YOU and your cunning baffling disease...You know if you take that bender it may be luck IF you make it back as pointed out BUT if you are one of the fortunate few who do than you may lose more than license, drinking.....you may lose friends family or wife and kids or job......it is all able to be taken away with one drink is all it takes for us....or at least for this alcoholic...
You have leaned on SR...You have been open and honest about your troubles....and humble enough to admit your faults.....Pray if you do...if not than talk to another and get into their problem so you are not thinking about your own as much....it works when you get into another and help them out and you dont have time to think on your own stuff and stress goes away from the time of it as gratifying as it sounds the helping of another lets your worries dwindle during that time not disappear but the time makes them less powerful over you since your now feeling great from helping someone else who needed you. Its a selfless act of kindness which saves your own arse. Now to say people dont feel it...i call BS on it. I have almost 11 yrs and still have those days where i just want to say thats it God I cant take no more.....but you know what...I call my sponsor hope on a sober chat...hop on SR....or call one of my sponsees or hang with my kids and wife...i just shut myself down from thinking and get into someone else whether it is problems they have or just to hang with kids and play UNO or something they enjoy and be a kid again with them....sometimes I even give myself a facial and yes I am a guy who is a manly guy but a facial mud on your face and chase the kids around with mud mask....come on it is fun and kids love it and I get relaxed and laughter....
You can over analysis this to death when comes to this disease too......you have a LIFE issue and it begins with alcohol....add it and your all messed up...dont add it and your life is just another day in the rat race where you have to find the peace and tranquility within or surround yourself in your enjoyments....
Life is good and your name says your about your kids...your family....your world is filled with love and happiness around you if you allow it to flow with you and not try to be in the way of it....get a box a crayons and have some fun....or if your kids are older...do something crazy with them.....skydive...something they will remember for their lives that you did with them for all of you to enjoy and treasure...my kids enjoy the sober me a lot more fun this way.....
Its worth the extra effort to just be silly....Have fun quit worrying about time or stress....you have today and your family enjoy them
Just my opinion my friend and hugs to ya your in my prayers tonight
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
in the tone of the last two posts- what magic is actually in that bottle?
drinking makes me drunk. the release isnt what i originally built it up to be.
you would be better off telling everyone "hey. im overwhelmed. i need a day or two off. then detach. do something you enjoy by yourself. come back rejuvenated.
the only reason we automatically think to include the bottle is because that was our habit. right now, there are people all over the place taking a tiny break, reading books in quiet, going to day spas, sitting at a movies, hiking, bird watching, snowmobiling, taking road trips. you name it. they didnt develop the habit that equates relaxation with getting ripped. or they did, and found it better to develop other habits.
sounds like you just need a break, man. you have alot of responsibility. -congrats on the sober time!
drinking makes me drunk. the release isnt what i originally built it up to be.
you would be better off telling everyone "hey. im overwhelmed. i need a day or two off. then detach. do something you enjoy by yourself. come back rejuvenated.
the only reason we automatically think to include the bottle is because that was our habit. right now, there are people all over the place taking a tiny break, reading books in quiet, going to day spas, sitting at a movies, hiking, bird watching, snowmobiling, taking road trips. you name it. they didnt develop the habit that equates relaxation with getting ripped. or they did, and found it better to develop other habits.
sounds like you just need a break, man. you have alot of responsibility. -congrats on the sober time!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
A quick escape sounds great. So why not escape for two days on a weekend vacay? Why not take two days and do something you would enjoy (and remember)? And then come back home, refreshed, and ready to deal with your issues with a clear mind.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
A quick escape sounds great. So why not escape for two days on a weekend vacay?
For me I have to keep on plugging along. I know there will be brighter days ahead and crummier ones as well. its just the way that it is.
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