Help me out here SR
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 300
Help me out here SR
Hello everyone, I've got an issue.
My girlfriend, who I recently got back together with, is bringing me unwanted stress. She has quite a bit of financial problems, and lately has been all over the place with emotions. These past few mornings, I've woken up to her crying, freaking out. It starts my day out scrambling to get my emotions in check. The last thing I need.
She wants me to move in with her fairly soon. I'm not working at the moment, so it would help me out financially too. She also starting with her old ways again of making a big deal out of everything I do. She's quite possessive. If I plan on going out or anything she freaks out about how i'll start drinking again. This, along with false accusations of just petty little things.
My stress is building..
I'm not sure what to do? Drinking is NOT on option for me. Although its embarrassing to admit, my thoughts have been in all the wrong places at times. Feel like checking out..
any advice?
My girlfriend, who I recently got back together with, is bringing me unwanted stress. She has quite a bit of financial problems, and lately has been all over the place with emotions. These past few mornings, I've woken up to her crying, freaking out. It starts my day out scrambling to get my emotions in check. The last thing I need.
She wants me to move in with her fairly soon. I'm not working at the moment, so it would help me out financially too. She also starting with her old ways again of making a big deal out of everything I do. She's quite possessive. If I plan on going out or anything she freaks out about how i'll start drinking again. This, along with false accusations of just petty little things.
My stress is building..
I'm not sure what to do? Drinking is NOT on option for me. Although its embarrassing to admit, my thoughts have been in all the wrong places at times. Feel like checking out..
any advice?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
Im sure you know that finances are no reason to get with or stay with a person. If its already causing you stress than you know the answer. If you move in together its 10 times harder to go back. You have to protect your sobriety. For alcoholics our sobriety is life or death.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
I would mostly say that you outlined pretty well all the reasons that you shouldn't do it. Why not explain to her that it would help your sobriety so early in to stay alone for a while. You can do it gently while still pledging a partnership to her just that you still need some time to focus on yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 419
Max
I wish I had a miracle for you, but really? Checking out? Whatever this is, it is temporary. Checking out is permanent. No do-overs.
Do you meditate? Recharges the batteries. Create a beautiful place in your mind and go hang out there for a while where the world can't rattle you. It gives me a break from things and gives me my own precious space. It helps give you some objectivity so you don't always have to be pounding that boulder of a problem with that hammer of yours to the point of absurdity. Try to get yourself some tranquility. You need that. You deserve it. Where she is coming from cannot be your whole world. It's only where she is coming from. Nothing more. Be the big person in this.
Whatever your problems are, drinking can only make them worse, but you know that.
Hang in there. Tough times don't last, tough people do. Don't get swept away with this. It's temporary. Tomorrow may come with a solution gifted wrapped just for you. Believe in your mind's ability to solve even the most difficult problem, but you have to give it a breather now and then. Some of my biggest problems are solved when I sleep on them.
I wish I had a miracle for you, but really? Checking out? Whatever this is, it is temporary. Checking out is permanent. No do-overs.
Do you meditate? Recharges the batteries. Create a beautiful place in your mind and go hang out there for a while where the world can't rattle you. It gives me a break from things and gives me my own precious space. It helps give you some objectivity so you don't always have to be pounding that boulder of a problem with that hammer of yours to the point of absurdity. Try to get yourself some tranquility. You need that. You deserve it. Where she is coming from cannot be your whole world. It's only where she is coming from. Nothing more. Be the big person in this.
Whatever your problems are, drinking can only make them worse, but you know that.
Hang in there. Tough times don't last, tough people do. Don't get swept away with this. It's temporary. Tomorrow may come with a solution gifted wrapped just for you. Believe in your mind's ability to solve even the most difficult problem, but you have to give it a breather now and then. Some of my biggest problems are solved when I sleep on them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 300
Originally Posted by AddictGuy 
Max
I wish I had a miracle for you, but really? Checking out? Whatever this is, it is temporary. Checking out is permanent. No do-overs.
Do you meditate? Recharges the batteries. Create a beautiful place in your mind and go hang out there for a while where the world can't rattle you. It gives me a break from things and gives me my own precious space. It helps give you some objectivity so you don't always have to be pounding that boulder of a problem with that hammer of yours to the point of absurdity. Try to get yourself some tranquility. You need that. You deserve it. Where she is coming from cannot be your whole world. It's only where she is coming from. Nothing more. Be the big person in this.
Whatever your problems are, drinking can only make them worse, but you know that.
Hang in there. Tough times don't last, tough people do. Don't get swept away with this. It's temporary. Tomorrow may come with a solution gifted wrapped just for you. Believe in your mind's ability to solve even the most difficult problem, but you have to give it a breather now and then. Some of my biggest problems are solved when I sleep on them.
I wish I had a miracle for you, but really? Checking out? Whatever this is, it is temporary. Checking out is permanent. No do-overs.
Do you meditate? Recharges the batteries. Create a beautiful place in your mind and go hang out there for a while where the world can't rattle you. It gives me a break from things and gives me my own precious space. It helps give you some objectivity so you don't always have to be pounding that boulder of a problem with that hammer of yours to the point of absurdity. Try to get yourself some tranquility. You need that. You deserve it. Where she is coming from cannot be your whole world. It's only where she is coming from. Nothing more. Be the big person in this.
Whatever your problems are, drinking can only make them worse, but you know that.
Hang in there. Tough times don't last, tough people do. Don't get swept away with this. It's temporary. Tomorrow may come with a solution gifted wrapped just for you. Believe in your mind's ability to solve even the most difficult problem, but you have to give it a breather now and then. Some of my biggest problems are solved when I sleep on them.
I'm a newbie with meditation. I'm enrolled in a 8 week course, beginning just last week. Not sure what to think of it yet. It's hard for me to relax. I'm giving it my best shot to relieve stress among other things..
thx again..
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 174
You say you have recently got back together. So you must know what she is like and how she behaves.
I'm only 2 weeks sober this time around and really value my sobriety and will do what it takes to hold on to it.
If it was me, I would have to remove myself from a situation like that.
I'm only speaking for myself.
I'm only 2 weeks sober this time around and really value my sobriety and will do what it takes to hold on to it.
If it was me, I would have to remove myself from a situation like that.
I'm only speaking for myself.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
It sounds like a high maintenance situation Maxx.
I could barely maintain myself the first year.
Unless you're really good at boundaries, and at not taking on other peoples problems, this sounds like a bit of a disaster waiting to happen.
D
I could barely maintain myself the first year.
Unless you're really good at boundaries, and at not taking on other peoples problems, this sounds like a bit of a disaster waiting to happen.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 607
If checking out is what I think your talking about then as I've been told , it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. First off get that thought process out of your head. Over the past couple of years three friends and acquaintances have chosen that path and left a huge wake of carnage for their loved ones to deal with.
As far as moving in with someone who has there own issues I think you know where that'll lead. You have to learn to handle your own issues and insecurities before dealing with someone else's.
Take care!
As far as moving in with someone who has there own issues I think you know where that'll lead. You have to learn to handle your own issues and insecurities before dealing with someone else's.
Take care!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
To me, it sounds like a couple of people who havent figured out a stable base life for themselves, so they cling to another who is in the same boat... but the boat is sinking and they don't know it yet.
I may be wrong, but don't make any decisions based on "love" right now. And if she was here I would say the same thing. Work out how to live first, and then you can involve another in that pursuit. I know it is hard, but I see a bad thing about to happen here. You not working, her emotionally in turmoil... What is the point other than a shared bad situation?
I may be wrong, but don't make any decisions based on "love" right now. And if she was here I would say the same thing. Work out how to live first, and then you can involve another in that pursuit. I know it is hard, but I see a bad thing about to happen here. You not working, her emotionally in turmoil... What is the point other than a shared bad situation?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Bay, So Cal
Posts: 6,113
Hi Maxx,
I read over our friends here on SR posts to you. I agree with them. I'd just add that my friends in AA and my Sponsor have strongly suggested that I keep my Recovery first. If I don't there may not be the other 'stuff' to worry about ....my husband, our family, etc.
It's NOT selfish to keep you & your sobriety Número Uno.....think about the positive ripple effect that this creates in your life. I agree with the others...you know the answer already Maxx.
Bobbi
I read over our friends here on SR posts to you. I agree with them. I'd just add that my friends in AA and my Sponsor have strongly suggested that I keep my Recovery first. If I don't there may not be the other 'stuff' to worry about ....my husband, our family, etc.
It's NOT selfish to keep you & your sobriety Número Uno.....think about the positive ripple effect that this creates in your life. I agree with the others...you know the answer already Maxx.
Bobbi
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 43
Maxx Maxx Maxx
These GF's,,,they're like busses- every 10 minutes, another one comes along. Sounds cold- but, hey.
You are in a battle to cure you- and that should and must be the priority.
Take good care of Maxx- and the babes, they will follow.
These GF's,,,they're like busses- every 10 minutes, another one comes along. Sounds cold- but, hey.
You are in a battle to cure you- and that should and must be the priority.
Take good care of Maxx- and the babes, they will follow.
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