WillLess

Son of a B* I did it again. Fell off the wagon. I stopped working my plan, got lazy and complacent, just as I swore I wouldn't, and drank...

I had 12 days! 12! That's so huge. Then the day before yesterday, I was off from work, alone all day at the house and I got it in my mind that a nice cold beer would be stellar.

So I walked to the haunt about 5 blocks away and I had 1 and 2 and then about 8. Didn't even really enjoy it at all, just kinda went with it. Feel down that I lost those days,. It takes a long time to get 12 days! But here I am, back at 2. Spent yesterday going over the journal I had been writing it. Man if I would have read that first I'm pretty sure I never would have left the house. But what's done is done, time to get back on and hold on tight.

SoberLeigh

Sorry that you slipped, WillLess.

There is really only one good and viable option after slipping and relapsing and that is getting back to the business of sobriety.

Congratulations; you are doing that.

Part of getting back to the business of sobriety is examining the associated reason for the slip or relapse and formulating a plan for avoiding the situation in the future or reversing the thought processes that were in place at the time of the slip - shoring up the holes in our plan.

Have you thought about additional support - counseling, AA?

IOAA2

Hi.
I’m too familiar with the process of trying to get and STAY sober. I had plans etc and would lie to myself about the familiar reasons to drink.

Basically I didn’t have a clue about staying sober until becoming a part of AA because back then no one ever heard of the internet.

I was taught to be honest with myself about my drinking and to accept the fact that one day at a time in a row I cannot drink in safety.

Then, where many fail, I needed to put in the work of changing myself being undisciplined and needed to recognize and work on reasons I drank which started with feelings and the many facets of fear that plagued me.

The bottom line is it works IF we work it.

BE WELL

doggonecarl

Lot of things you could have done, read your journal, posted here to SR. Walking five blocks to drink gives you a lot of time to intervene. But your decision to drink was set and you were determined to carry it out.

Be that determined in your recovery and you have a chance to succeed.

Hawkeye13

So how will you update your plan to plug this weakness?

You need to change your strategy to get different results.

We've all been there Will--glad to see you back.

Now get ready for the next round.
Since your AV won this one, it will be stronger again so get prepared.

sleepie

You can do it, I have been through it many times. Even to the point of withdrawals, and still I'd go back. I hate to say it, but it's always going to be like that- you want one or two drinks but it will always end up being way more. It's just not an option.

I don't think you lost those days. You were still sober... But you better be sure to put no more drinking days between your sober days if you want the best results.

You can do this, don't look back- but definitely make a list of things you can do instead when you get the urge. And then refer to it! You will see that the sense of victory the next day is very gratifying, when you wanted to drink so badly but didn't.

Squig

It happens. At least you are honest about it. For me, until I got honest with myself, I couldn't ask for help. Once past that part, it felt like a huge weight was lifted. Good luck to you.

Anna

You can get the 12 days back again and move on beyond that.

I think it's a good idea to remember to read your journal before you drink.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Will. Do you plan on doing anything differently this time around? Have you considered a more formal recovery plan like AA/NA or some other type of meeting based recovery? Many times daily accountability and interacting with others who are in the same situation can help.

WillLess

I haven't been to any meetings. I have met with a therapist who also works with addiction, though my insurance will only cover 2 sessions a month unfortunately. I know I should have read the journal or came on here, I just stopped telling myself not to listen to the AV. It's strange too, it wasn't really a craving, I just got it in my head that it sounded like a good idea, I was calm and just went with it....stupid I know. I'm not beating myself up too much and don't have a ton of guilt and anxiety like I usually have after drinking. I am actually proud of those 12 days, that really wasn't a small feat for me. So I'm going to get back to it, writing and reading on here as well as my journal, I'll see my therapist on the 19th. I just can't get lazy, I think that was my main problem. Thanks for all the feedback everyone.

sleepie

Keep checking in, I can't wait to hear about the next twelve, and beyond!

Soberwolf

This

Dee74

I'd try and maybe focus less on the days - day counts are simply signposts on the journey

You've proven you can be sober - now you need to work out what you need to do to make that a permanent change.

If it's all easy to fall back into old ways, can you think of ways to make that harder - more support perhaps? better utilisation of the support you have?

maybe some lifestyle changes?

D

Hevyn

Hi Will - I'm glad you didn't let it keep you away. We all understand.

My mistake was in thinking there'd ever be 'a cold beer'. There's no such thing as ONE of anything for us. It was so hard to admit, but I had to realize there was no control once it was in my system. All my best intentions were forgotten. Took me awhile to completely get that. I know you can get back on track, and never look back.

Sudz No More

Ahh yes, romancing the cold one. Spent a long time doing that myself. The sooner you realize it's your ex the sooner you will forget about it.

Just try not to feed into it the next time your Alcoholic Voice starts giving you great ideas on how to use the day. Turns out they are not so great ideas after all. Back on the horse and ride friend.

upminer

I was romancing that cold beer after 2 weeks. I also kept reminding myself why I drank. I went to the liquor store and went back and forth over it for well over 10 minutes. I grabbed an NA beer and it satisfied it. At the time I thought it was the drink itself but now looking back the feeling was not buying and consuming alcohol. I am working on cutting them down now but it helped me far better than a total relapse. Yeah I could beat myself up over continuing the habit of drinking or the .05 % but it was and still is a win and although I was a daily beer drinker and I've cut my NA consumption down to less than a 6 pack every 2 weeks, it's still not for everyone. You need a plan to make the changes in behavior. I'm at the point where if I drink one when I go out to dinner or when I simply really want one I'm fine with that becaue I still remember the bad things about drinking and it keeps me on task. If I ever forget them it's game over and I can't even have a "fake" beer....

Nevertheless

The problem I always had with falling off the wagon,is once i did it. It seems I had a different mindset than I first started out with.
I would set out to stop once and for all,and at some point give in. After that my attitude somehow changed. I somehow got it in my head "I just can't do this,whats the use" or "I gave in last time,what makes me think I can do it this time".
GET THOSE IDEAS OUT OF YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW. If the little devil on your shoulder even thinks there is a possibility he can have his way. He will be relentless like a kid throwing a tantrum in a candy store.
You have to KEEP the mindset that drinking just is not an option. Get it off the table. It just isn't going to happen. Might as well forget about it.
If you somehow convince the devil on your shoulder of this. He won't put so much effort into trying to make you give in.
We all know this is not easy. But keep at it and you will succeed.
Trust me,sober life really is worth it.

Fred

Hawkeye13

How are things going for you Will?

Sending you good wishes