timeforchange78

Hi there,

I've posted on here a few times before, many months ago. Don't know why I stopped posting but I guess for a while there I thought I had my drinking under control. I'm completely feeling helpless again. I have no self control. I can easily drink a Mickey (375 ml) a night although I do still feel a bit drunk in the mornings when I do that. I've tried so hard to have sober nights but the best I can do is usually .5 Ativan and one or two drinks. Even then I still feel guilty and have a bit of trouble falling asleep. I am in a newish relationship of 3 months, and he has no idea how much control alcohol has over me..I hide it. I hide it from my roommate. I feel so guilty finding empty bottles and trying to figure out how to throw them away. I guess I'm looking for some support again. I told myself I would take a night off drinking tonight but the craving got the best of me. I'm too young for this! 23 and I've heard from many people I have so much potential and am beautiful. I know I deserve more, but don't know where to start again.

Rehab isn't an option, I pay my own rent and i would have to quit my job, as well as I do NOT want my bf knowing this issue. It's embarrassing and I'm ashamed of myself.

ubntubnt

hiya, and welcome back to the site. From what you have said it certainly sounds like you are an alcoholic. Have you admitted that to yourself yet?
You do know that virtually 100% of alcoholics cannot drink in moderation EVER, and that even one drink can trigger a binge which can run for days or years and end in death?
If you agree with this then you must stop drinking permanently and do whatever you must to ensure that you do not drink again.

We have all been there....I first realised I had a serious problem around your age....but i wasn't drinking as heavily as you do now. And I went on to drink for another 20 years causing all sorts of problems in my life. Please learn from this and stop now. Forever. No moderation or trying to manage or control it.

you can sue this site, other recovery methods or even AA without your bf knowing but I would suggest, when you feel the time is right to approach the conversation if you are serious about a future together. He only needs to know what you feel comfortable to tell him.....BUT.....you need to stop drinking and stay off it. Good luck.

BernieE

There are many options besides inpatient rehab. I suggest you do some research here and reach out for some face to face help. You do deserve more. You deserve a chance to fulfill your potential.

IOAA2

Hi.
Read this until you understand it: alcohol is powerful, cunning, baffling and insidious.

If your alcoholic and we come in ALL age groups, life will get more miserable if drinking is continued.
Guaranteed.

That I know is not soft and cuddly to the ears but fact. The beautiful thing is though is it can be arrested by simply not drinking and having a support group available.

Warning, we are usually impatient people and this sobering process takes time depending on the person and the effort put into it.

BE WELL

huntingtontx

This is all about you. Not your boyfriend. He probably knows a lot more then you think he does. Be upfront with him. He can be a great help and support. Alcohol knows no age, and does not care how beautiful or young you are. It is out to kill and destroy. As an alcoholic we need to know, it is the enemy. It will come at us with romance, like it is our friend, but it is not. You have a lot of support here. All you have to do is keep reaching out. We are all here for you. You can do this, but it has to be your choice. No one can do it for you, but we can all support your choice to quit and stay quit. There is a meeting here tonight at eight PM central time. It helps me a lot. I only use this site for support, and it has been so good to me. Hang in here with us, you can do this.

bexpdx

I was in a very similar situation and was hiding my drinking from my partner too. I was so ashamed of my binges and hiding bottles. I finally realized that if I am going to be secretive in my drinking, then I can be secretive in the start to my recovery. I mean trying to recover in secret is not ideal, but at least it's a step in the right direction.

I just started showing up to AA meetings. After a few meetings, I felt different. I realized how common this issue is and feel less and less ashamed and more understanding of what I can do to make things better for myself. I am (still) slowly coming out of the closet with it (I have 64 days today). And I eventually told my partner after going to meetings for about a month.

Either way, you have to stop. You are going down a dark path at the moment that won't get better if you are an alcoholic.

Vandermast

There is some good advice here

V

MelindaFlowers

This worked for me. I kinda did the sobriety in secret thing. I stopped drinking and didn't tell anyone for about a month. I needed an outlet, sure, so I checked in here every day. After a month or two people asked and I told them I'm a non-drinker.

newwestdork

As others have said, there are more options than just inpatient rehab. Intensive outpatient, SMART, AA, all sorts of things. AA has been very helpful for me, but I am not going to suggest that it's the be-all end-all either.

Your boyfriend probably knows more than you think - we don't hide it as well as we think we do. And even if he doesn't, what difference does it make? What is more important - your health, your career, and your life or a 3 month old relationship?

You're still young. You have a chance to save yourself a LOT of misery if you get yourself some help now. This sort of problem has the potential get a lot worse (think DUIs, jail time, lost jobs, lost relationships, homelessness, serious health problems) unless you take action to get help. Getting help is scary, but the alternative is much worse.

Best of luck. You can beat this if you take action to do so - not later, which never comes, but now.