sillyguy

Today is day 35 no alcohol and day 2 with no OTC opiates.

Right now though I'm feeling like something. I would probably mix them both if I could. I won't though because I don't want to ruin my progress , I'm on antabuse and it would be a big step back.

I'm realizing a bit though why I was on them . it was a great escape. At least in the moment. Major stress relief in the short term.

Lately my wife has been snapping at everything and moody in general. I feel like nothing I do is good enough. Mostly stuff is just negative. I know I'm supposed to find out why she is like that and help her etc but its hard enough dealing with my own issues.

The only praise I have had is she is proud of me for quitting drinking and makes comments on my I.proved appearance. They are both nice , but I would rather no compliments and a stop to the continuous venting and negativity.

Nearly every day complaining about small things and be I g modramatic. I'm struggling. Ive suggested she stop and relax and try to stress less and get help but she doesn't seem interested.

Anyway I could really use some form of escape right now and its scary In a way having to learn to deal with stuff again...

Thanks for listening

ubntubnt

That's your AV talking.
It's not your wife, that's real life. And you don't need to escape from her, you need to give her a hug, allow her to calm down and talk to her. Don't drink. You know that will just feed your addiction and put you back to square one.

GroundhogDay

Congrats on 35 days sober! It is difficult to deal with other people's negativity. I have that problem with my sister, but we don't live together. I can't have a conversation on the phone with her without her saying something awful. My only defense has been to limit the number and length of conversations I have with her, and to be mindful that her negativity is her problem and not mine.

Alwyshope12

she may not understand what a great accomplishment you are achieving. ubntubnt is right, spend some time with her, show her you appreciate her.

If you need an escape, do something relaxing, that is the best thing you can do while your body and mind repair themselves. read a book, watch a movie, nap, take a bath, whatever you find to be a relaxing form of spending your time.

soberclover

I know what you mean about wanting to feel that sense of escape. I think it is a natural sense for us to want to escape the stress we often feel in our lives. What I've learned is that if I drink, more stress will come in to my life. I have learned to "escape" by reading, being outdoors in nature, spending time with my grandchildren, getting a massage, eating something yummy, or even indulging in an expensive cup of coffee. This will get easier...it really does. You are doing great by posting your thoughts

OklaBH

congrats on your sobriety. Do something nice for your wife. That will take the negative vibes out of the air. Dealing with life on lifes terms is much easier when we arent drunk

sillyguy

Thank you all. I especially like the idea of an expensive cup of coffee. No way would I tell her I wanted to drink beer and pop some pills. Its nice to come here and get some advice without copping and ear full.

Thanks ;-)

OklaBH

take her out for coffee and a dessert. It will help you both. if she scoffs and says "hell no" (which is something i would do if i was mad) then go alone.

Hawks

Yeah I got one of those wives too.

She'd moan if her ass was on fire and I threw a cup of water on it.

Oh my god my pants are all wet now, not, thanks for putting out the fire.

I was moaning to my sponsor about it and being a bit of a tough old bloke he said "go down to the burns unit at the children's hospital and find some kid that's been burnt head to toe but will live..... Tell him your problems "

Geez did that snap me out of it really quick.

If a grizzling wife is the top of my woes heap, I have very little to complain about.

Besides that, give her time to come around.

Living with us alcoholic folk ain't easy.

We tend to make wives pretty crazy.

sillyguy

Thanks for that perspective :-)

Nevertheless

I have been sober quite some time. I am not sure just when it really happened. But the fact is,that it did.
I used to drink over a bad day at work,a good day at work. Not getting along with someone,or getting along with some one. Crappy weather,or good weather. I am not trying to be a smart ass. I honestly did get drunk over any of these things.
One day I had a really bad day at work. The kind I used to race to the liquor store over. As I was walking to my car,I thought back to my drinking days. Wondering just how I used to think getting drunk was gonna help anything. It would make me walk into work the next day with my head pounding with a hangover that would send normal people to the emergency room. Picking up at work right where I left off the day before. Now just how screwed up is that way of thinking? What could it possibly help?
I have no idea why we feel feeding our addictions will help problems or stress go away.
But I do know once I got the monkey off my back,and looked back at the big picture. I could see how screwed up thinking like this is.
I do also know that I am only 1 beer away from going back to that way of thinking .

Fred

sillyguy

Thanks all.

I ended up having a bit of a heart to heart with my wife. The conclusion was that I found out some of the things still irritating her about my behaviour and I let her know how much the negativity and yelling were bothering me and made it really hard to stay off the liquor and pills.

It was a little bit emotional for a few minutes but in the end it seems to have made a difference. I got to let her truly how it was making me feel and I found out why she was being so negative.

Basically she isn't coping and yelling is actually a habit for her. As drinking etc were for me. I said please please please get some help. I am working through my problems , we really need you to work through yours. For your own happiness and to make things easier around here.

I'm also trying to improve the traits that are annoying her so I'll just see how it goes.

I made it through those cravings.

Hawks

Her yelling is your drinking........ That's exactly it.

It's been 6 months for us.

Me sober, her trying to get a handle on the yelling.

And yes, communication is absolutely key.

Well done

sillyguy

Are you a brother from another mother ? Lol. Some major similarities there ;-). I can't wait to hit the 6 months point though ! Well done on that

Hawks

Cheers mate.

If you can find the movie "When love is not enough "

Watch that with the Missus.

It's the story of Bill and Lois Wilson.

Bill goes nuts, she goes nuts but it all works out in the end

sillyguy

That movie sounds like it was made about my wife and I. Will give it a watch thanks !