I have no idea what to title this
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: fl
Posts: 63
I have no idea what to title this
Hi there everybody. I have (had) an abf. He has liver disease (among other alcohol-related health issues) and is 34. He is pretty deep into his addiction.
We've been fighting a ton lately. He gets short with me or says mean things and I get very bitchy at him. Im extremely overreactive lately. Im officially a monster and I'm garbage. It's like im alone when he gets wasted. It's pretty much an everyday thing for him.
After he became irritated this evening bc I asked if I could turn on a lamp near his chair, I lost it and told him to leave tonight and that im done. I said it out of exasperation. Ive said it before and left many times :'( We break up, get back together, usually right after or during a detox.
I love him so much. He's calling for a ride home. He lives an hour away. I feel like im dying inside bc I'll probably never see him again. But I feel like im dying inside when we're together and he's drinking. Im a complete mess, hiding in the bedroom while he is waiting to call for a ride. Ive struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past and I still have substantial self-worth issues.
I guess I was hoping for insight from people struggling with the addiction themselves. I dont mean to invade this space and if that is what im doing, I will back away. Im sorry. I just am so unbelievably sad and distraught. I know i need help. Ill be looking for a therapist tomorrow, my health insurance just became active today. But I dont even feel like helping myself. Just so totally empty inside :'(
Thanks for listening.
We've been fighting a ton lately. He gets short with me or says mean things and I get very bitchy at him. Im extremely overreactive lately. Im officially a monster and I'm garbage. It's like im alone when he gets wasted. It's pretty much an everyday thing for him.
After he became irritated this evening bc I asked if I could turn on a lamp near his chair, I lost it and told him to leave tonight and that im done. I said it out of exasperation. Ive said it before and left many times :'( We break up, get back together, usually right after or during a detox.
I love him so much. He's calling for a ride home. He lives an hour away. I feel like im dying inside bc I'll probably never see him again. But I feel like im dying inside when we're together and he's drinking. Im a complete mess, hiding in the bedroom while he is waiting to call for a ride. Ive struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past and I still have substantial self-worth issues.
I guess I was hoping for insight from people struggling with the addiction themselves. I dont mean to invade this space and if that is what im doing, I will back away. Im sorry. I just am so unbelievably sad and distraught. I know i need help. Ill be looking for a therapist tomorrow, my health insurance just became active today. But I dont even feel like helping myself. Just so totally empty inside :'(
Thanks for listening.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome waggin 
I certainly can't speak for all alcoholics, and in this case I'm certainly not going to make excuses for your abf.
some relationships you just have to walk away, whether there's alcohol oinvolved or not., From what you've written I think you've made the right choice.
I think it's pretty likely you'll see him again tho - he'll be back making all the promises in the world.
Look for action not words when that happens
D
I certainly can't speak for all alcoholics, and in this case I'm certainly not going to make excuses for your abf.
some relationships you just have to walk away, whether there's alcohol oinvolved or not., From what you've written I think you've made the right choice.
I think it's pretty likely you'll see him again tho - he'll be back making all the promises in the world.
Look for action not words when that happens
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome waggin
I certainly can't speak for all alcoholics, and in this case I'm certainly not going to make excuses for your abf.
some relationships you just have to walk away, whether there's alcohol oinvolved or not., From what you've written I think you've made the right choice.
I think it's pretty likely you'll see him again tho - he'll be back making all the promises in the world.
Look for action not words when that happens
D
I certainly can't speak for all alcoholics, and in this case I'm certainly not going to make excuses for your abf.
some relationships you just have to walk away, whether there's alcohol oinvolved or not., From what you've written I think you've made the right choice.
I think it's pretty likely you'll see him again tho - he'll be back making all the promises in the world.
Look for action not words when that happens
D
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Waggin your not a monster and your not invading space 
i think its better to have some space right now and walk away from this
You can lean on us for support 24/7
i hope it goes well at your therapist and all the best in this new year
i think its better to have some space right now and walk away from this
You can lean on us for support 24/7
i hope it goes well at your therapist and all the best in this new year
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: fl
Posts: 63
Thank you so much to all of you. I feel much better after reading It helps to hear from people who have been where he is bc it's hard for me to believe that the good times are entirely the result of his manipulation and lies. I hang on to the hope that the guy i think is him is actually real and in there somewhere. I want to think he means it when he tells me he loves me. I worry that the last year has been such a blur that he couldn't possible know me, let alone love me. Ive given so much of myself to him and to us. It makes my ears ring when i consider that it could all be an illusion.
He is still here, he didnt go home. A cab home for him is $80. His parents are his only other ride (besides me) and they go to bed very early. Id feel terrible if they had to drive here. They can get him tomorrow. At least were weren't still angry by the time he drifted off.
I just want him to not be wasted to the point of confusion when were together. This round has been 4 days and im exhausted from trying to make out what he's saying (either he mumbles or makes very little sense), and annoying him in the process. Then we argue. I tell him that im asking clarification so that I understand him. He tells me to just try being quiet. It hurts so badly, this cycle. Especially because the reason for any confusion is bc he's so drunk. I get really angry with him when this happens. And that helps no one. At this point im desperate and just trying to stick up for myself. To him im just being a HUGE B.
How do I tell him to either go home and call me after detox or stop being wasted at my house without it turning into a standoff? When I ask for space, he takes it as an affront. I set a boundary and it starts an argument. Is there a way or is that a lost cause?
Im sorry to babble. My mind is still spinning in circles. Although currently, he's asleep and it's peaceful. Tomorrow morning I get some time with him bc he'll have sobered up a tad overnight. I have no idea how to talk to him. I just dont anymore. Plus I back off bc it's so nice have "him" back around even if it's just for an hour, before he's pouring something.
Thank you again.
-Waggin
It helps to hear from people who have been where he is bc it's hard for me to believe that the good times are entirely the result of his manipulation and lies. I hang on to the hope that the guy i think is him is actually real and in there somewhere. I want to think he means it when he tells me he loves me. I worry that the last year has been such a blur that he couldn't possible know me, let alone love me. Ive given so much of myself to him and to us. It makes my ears ring when i consider that it could all be an illusion. He is still here, he didnt go home. A cab home for him is $80. His parents are his only other ride (besides me) and they go to bed very early. Id feel terrible if they had to drive here. They can get him tomorrow. At least were weren't still angry by the time he drifted off.
I just want him to not be wasted to the point of confusion when were together. This round has been 4 days and im exhausted from trying to make out what he's saying (either he mumbles or makes very little sense), and annoying him in the process. Then we argue. I tell him that im asking clarification so that I understand him. He tells me to just try being quiet. It hurts so badly, this cycle. Especially because the reason for any confusion is bc he's so drunk. I get really angry with him when this happens. And that helps no one. At this point im desperate and just trying to stick up for myself. To him im just being a HUGE B.
How do I tell him to either go home and call me after detox or stop being wasted at my house without it turning into a standoff? When I ask for space, he takes it as an affront. I set a boundary and it starts an argument. Is there a way or is that a lost cause?
Im sorry to babble. My mind is still spinning in circles. Although currently, he's asleep and it's peaceful. Tomorrow morning I get some time with him bc he'll have sobered up a tad overnight. I have no idea how to talk to him. I just dont anymore. Plus I back off bc it's so nice have "him" back around even if it's just for an hour, before he's pouring something.
Thank you again.
-Waggin
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