The beginning of the end.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 53
The beginning of the end.
I'm telling my wife. I've come to the conclusion that as long as keep this hidden from her and I don't have her to lean on, I won't make it. I'm so scared to tell her. Tell her how much and how often I've lied to her. Hidden things from her. I love her so much. I can't believe I've been so inconsiderate of her feelings and our over all well being. She's pregnant. I don't think I've told you all that. How terrible is that huh. Doing all this horrible crap and having a wife almost 7 months pregnant. That's the first step of my plan, and the one I feel is going to be the hardest for me, aside from just not drinking.
Step 2. Doctor. I'm going to try to get in to see one this week. I don't have a doctor, so I'm just going to get online and pick one from my insurance' s list of providers. I'm going to be honest with him or her. That's going to be tough too, typing stuff and knowing stuff about yourself is different from actually saying it out loud to another person, that makes it so much more real.
3. I'm going to start a journal. I'm going to write in it everyday, good days or bad. I'm going to try to trace my triggers and deal with the cravings. I've read every article and post on here I could about crave surfing and just riding it until it passes today. I think that could work for me .So I'm going to try to keep an ongoing list of frequency, duration, what I think brought it on and just see if things get easier.
4. Work on my mental health. I've been reading about breathing techniques and other types of mind clearing and soothing exercises. My mind always seems to race with a million and one thoughts, so I know this will be difficult. But I'm going to give it a shot.
5. Stay glued to SR. Post every time a feel like drinking, every time I feel like trying is just a waste of time, every time I just need some outside perspective.
This is my plan so far. It's not a big one. But it's something, it's a start. Any other suggestions are welcomed. I'm starting again. This is my only option. I refuse to give in. I will not go gently. This drug is killing me. I have no doubt if I don't stop now it will kill me. There's no more trying, this time I'm doing.
I prayed today for the first time since I was a kid. Don't know who I was talking to or if anyone was listening, but I did it. It felt awkward but strangle comforting. Think I need to add that to the plan to....
Long post. Sorry about that. Thank you all for everything you do here. I'm going to do it this time. I going to do it this time. I'm going to do it this time. If I say it enough maybe it'll come true.
Step 2. Doctor. I'm going to try to get in to see one this week. I don't have a doctor, so I'm just going to get online and pick one from my insurance' s list of providers. I'm going to be honest with him or her. That's going to be tough too, typing stuff and knowing stuff about yourself is different from actually saying it out loud to another person, that makes it so much more real.
3. I'm going to start a journal. I'm going to write in it everyday, good days or bad. I'm going to try to trace my triggers and deal with the cravings. I've read every article and post on here I could about crave surfing and just riding it until it passes today. I think that could work for me .So I'm going to try to keep an ongoing list of frequency, duration, what I think brought it on and just see if things get easier.
4. Work on my mental health. I've been reading about breathing techniques and other types of mind clearing and soothing exercises. My mind always seems to race with a million and one thoughts, so I know this will be difficult. But I'm going to give it a shot.
5. Stay glued to SR. Post every time a feel like drinking, every time I feel like trying is just a waste of time, every time I just need some outside perspective.
This is my plan so far. It's not a big one. But it's something, it's a start. Any other suggestions are welcomed. I'm starting again. This is my only option. I refuse to give in. I will not go gently. This drug is killing me. I have no doubt if I don't stop now it will kill me. There's no more trying, this time I'm doing.
I prayed today for the first time since I was a kid. Don't know who I was talking to or if anyone was listening, but I did it. It felt awkward but strangle comforting. Think I need to add that to the plan to....
Long post. Sorry about that. Thank you all for everything you do here. I'm going to do it this time. I going to do it this time. I'm going to do it this time. If I say it enough maybe it'll come true.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sounds like an excellent plan will. I told my wife as well, but she was well aware of it and had been for years. Don't be surprised if yours is as well. Also don't be surprised if she doesn't understand why you can't just simply quit drinking. It's hard enough for us to come to grips with it ourselves. Having said that my wife has been very supportive of my efforts, honesty is a good thing in my book.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hi Will
Not to be confrontational, but the state you were in last night, she knows already man.
It is the beginnings of a good plan - but honestly? I think you could push the boat out a little more, step out of your comfort zone a little.
You have a lot at stake.
Have you considered AA or another recovery group?
D
Not to be confrontational, but the state you were in last night, she knows already man.
It is the beginnings of a good plan - but honestly? I think you could push the boat out a little more, step out of your comfort zone a little.
You have a lot at stake.
Have you considered AA or another recovery group?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
God is listening keep talking to God. You are making an excellent start by actually writing your plan down here. I've been trying to stop drinking for 10 yrs with many many relaspes and very short times of not drinking I noticed I have been more sucessful this time around after writing my plan here ( sr community kept talking about plans all the time) . As I gained clean days and the slightest thought of drinking came up I would go back and review the plan I wrote. It helped a lot to see if I was doing what I said I would do and if there was anything I was slacking on. Heck sometimes I just go back to my SR start date posts and review what I have been saying and the replys. You have to start somewhere and you are. Keep trying, don't give up on yourself and don't beat yourself up ... too bad. You can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 53
Could you be more specific Dee? Step out further how? I really don't think she knows. I hopped in bed and pretended to be sleeping before she got home. It's what I always do. Forward house calls to my cell, tell her I'm in bed or getting ready to be when actually I'm at a bar lost in a drunk...Terrible but true. I hide it well. I looked at some meetings, but I only for 3 different places offering it around me, and the closest is about a 30 min drive, and with the crazy hours I work, it would be difficult to make it to them. I'm trying man.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Will,
your plan is good.
even better is sticking to it
are you flexible in your plan to consider the options your doc might suggest?
or to see what others are doing and what works for them and incorporate that into your plan?
yes, telling takes guts.
let us know how it goes.
best to you.
your plan is good.
even better is sticking to it
are you flexible in your plan to consider the options your doc might suggest?
or to see what others are doing and what works for them and incorporate that into your plan?
yes, telling takes guts.
let us know how it goes.
best to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Originally Posted by WillLess 
Could you be more specific Dee? Step out further how? I really don't think she knows. I hopped in bed and pretended to be sleeping before she got home. It's what I always do. Forward house calls to my cell, tell her I'm in bed or getting ready to be when actually I'm at a bar lost in a drunk...Terrible but true. I hide it well. I looked at some meetings, but I only for 3 different places offering it around me, and the closest is about a 30 min drive, and with the crazy hours I work, it would be difficult to make it to them. I'm trying man.
It's not easy to fit things like meetings in I know - but looking at your posts you obviously put a *lot* of effort and time into drinking and hiding it too?
Keep that in mind if you decide you need to add stuff to your plan
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 53
I found a different website that had a list of more meeting, everyday pretty much every few hours. I work 7a to 11p today and tomorrow, so won't be able to make any of the meetings. But I'm going Tuesday no if ands or buts. Don't give up on me yet! I can do this.
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Hey Will. Sounds a good plan! Could I just gently encourage you to rethink the 'leaning on your wife bit' though? That might be quite a burden to put on her, and she can't give up for you. She may also need, for your and hers sake, to be angry at times as well without her or you thinking that's not being supportive.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 53
That's a very good point , Michael, I hadn't really thought about it that way. I just feel I need to tell her. Keeping it a secret just feels like poison. Feel like if I can't be honest with her I'll never be honest with myself. If that makes any sense.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Originally Posted by WillLess
I found a different website that had a list of more meeting, everyday pretty much every few hours. I work 7a to 11p today and tomorrow, so won't be able to make any of the meetings. But I'm going Tuesday no if ands or buts. Don't give up on me yet! I can do this.
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