Emotions re-awakening?
 

I am 50 days sober and for the last 20 years have been pretty much a loner....happy with my own company and content with my buddy, AL!
This year sober since before Thanksgiving and spending a lot of time with family and friends.
Pre-sobriety days off were just an opportunity to spend time with my good buddy, AL.... and drink a little (ok, maybe a LOT) extra, this year spent with out of town sister. She stayed with me for a week.

In the beginning of the week, I longed for peace and quiet and alone time.
When she left, I cried like a baby, missing her already and sad for all the wasted time....

I think emotions are re-awakening?
Love being sober, and can't wait to see what life will bring in the future!:a213:

Welcome to the Real World, newpage :) Congrats on 50.

I think most of us go through something like this. Feelings, and just everything in life, gets startlingly real and sometimes intense. I've been through many similar phases since I got sober ~11 months ago, and some of them scared the *** out of me. The thing to do is get through and learn to accept that sober life will contain periods like this, even though they do get less intense with time or maybe we just get used to our own emotions. At this point for me, I actually enjoy it. It sounds like you don't mind the feelings either very much. There are peaceful days (hours), and highly emotional ones :)

I love your last sentence, very positive, inspired and inspiring -- way to go!

newpage, when you stop suppressing your emotions with booze, they do come back. I went camping and fishing a few months back in a beautiful part of North Georgia. So beautiful that I sat and wept, alone in the woods by the river, for a while.

Welcome back.

Well done on day 50 keep going

Congrats on 50 days, newpage :grouphug:

Yeah, I know what you mean, it's a roller coaster in there ;)


I love being sober too, ain't it grand ?

It really is fantastic being sober! I know there will be many bumps in the road, but what fun is a smooth road?!?
Looking forward to 2015!

Happy for you newpage. I'm so glad we're not numb and foggy anymore. Can't believe I lived that way for so long.

Ok, i first saw this thread hours ago and though i felt like posting i didn't because i'm suspecting that i might be alienating myself as usual. So i didn't.

It kept bothering me throughout the day thinking about it and so here it is...

My life may have been crap and i was depressed and all that but at least the alcohol served a purpose. It helped tamp down on the worst of those emotional horrors that would come to the surface every once in a while and torment me. Sure i would be down in the pits more often than not, but at least i had a way to numb myself to a certain extent.

Now what?

I did pretty good fooling myself for most of this year. Even when i was working in the summer i managed to trick myself into not acknowledging the feelings of regret, dismay, disgust, despair, etc, You name it. From mid November until now has been a new low. Maybe had four-five days or so where i felt really good but that's it. You know when i went for that checkup i mentioned in another thread? I fantasized obsessively in the waiting room about shooting myself and a few times i ran my fingers along the side of my head to the exact spot where i would place the muzzle.

I force myself to stay awake because i'm afraid of sleep. Or at least just laying there in the dark where everything really comes slamming in hard. Even my dreams for the most part have been something i wish i could avoid.


I sometimes miss very much the blanket that alcohol provided. I really do. At least i was more stable. Now i can't seemingly handle anything or i'l feel just blah but at the back of my mind is the nervousness that the dread will all of a sudden pop up and stay with me for the rest of the day. I mean earlier this morning i caught myself thinking about jumping off the George Washington or 59th street bridge.

I do well hiding when i break down in tears. Either i've been alone or have managed to smother sounds in a pillow. I feel it coming on even now as i type this. The unease, the tenseness. the dread.

Will find out details of what to do on Monday. Will go to the doctor who did my checkup and ask how the system works, how to find clinics, etc, etc.

The physical pain is a constant. The mental is slow torture.

Have many churches around here, tempted to go in one and pray for cancer or some other terminal condition. Though i do wonder at times why does God hate me so much?

Sorry everyone for all this. Feel disgusted to be the local drama queen.

Think i'll look for some sleeping pills around here so i can get as long a sleep as possible. Monday is a million years in the future.

Sorry.

I hope you'll find some answers on Monday, Carbonized.

D

This is a great topic newpage. Quitting alcohol really made my emotions jump to the forefront of my awareness now that I lacked the self medicating effects of alcohol. Combine this with the anxiety that quoting drinking brought to me and I can sympathies its with these new found feelings you have to deal with.

For me, alcohol was a coat of armor that protected me from getting to close to anyone and enabled me to some bear the tremendous loneliness I felt. There is some sadness and regret for all the wasted time,, but if I think do I want to go back to the self medicated cocoon I lived in, absolutely not.

This stage is not easy, but there is hope ahead. I too am right around 50 days, so the feelings and emotions and fresh as I deal with them every day too.

For me it has been getting a little easier over time. I hope you are finding something similar.

Thanks, Alwyshope! I feel exactly the same way, regret and sadness for the wasted time......but really hopeful and enthusiastic about the future.
It IS getting easier as the days pass....I NEVER want to go back to the way it was.....
SO if there is a little emotional or other pain, bring it on!!!!

:cloud

Hang in there mate as it will pass….

Try to be a little kinder to yourself

I had the emotions of a scarecrow for at least a month. I felt numb to the world yet relieved, deep down that I was sober. However, I did cry easily and for no reason quite often. Had to have a lot of faith that first month that things would get better.

Thanks for posting newpage119. Reminds me of the 50th day I had. My emotional state was all over the map. But I can assure you that it gets easier. For me, it took about 4 months to gain some serinity. And it got better after that. A good night's sleep really helps. Im so glad you're sober. Your well on your way to a better life. Your old friend AL wants to put you in misery and pain. Don't give him the pleasure. The price is too high. Congrats on 50 days!!

Thanks, Wayne. It really is good to hear that the journey gets easier. It hasn't been that bad so far, few bumps here and there. But I am in AWE of being sober!!! I love it, and will not let that sneaky AL talk me into anything.....keeping my eyes and ears open for its tricks!