2muchpain

I've seen so many people start threads on SR, many people trying to quit drinking and relapsing and relapsing and relapsing, but get a lot of support.
If I started a thread telling all of you that I relapsed again, I know how some of you would respond, and it wouldn't be supportive, and you know it.
I see people here post about problems in their daily lives and all they get is support. But I simply described something I observed at a meeting, and my thoughts on it, and I get nailed to the wall over it. It was just a thought people, nothing more. I don't deserve it. Bye Bye. John

2muchpain

Man, I just wish someone would invite me out to lunch or something. Is that too much to expect? John

Soberpotamus

I found as I gained sobriety and spent time here on SR, and more time around others face to face that I tended toward defensiveness and hurt feelings. I'm a sensitive, very sensitive person actually! And time after time, there'd be comments I felt were unjustified, unfair, and ill-mannered, and some just plain rude and borderline abusive. Then... I came to see I had a choice. I could choose to post and get some good feedback, or I could sit in a corner by myself stewing over whether some "jerk" would misunderstand me yet again and jump all over my case. Lol.

So, after some time, and trial and error... I realized it's better to take a chance and post I learned to filter out the knuckleheads and listen to those people who I grew to respect.

Jfanagle

AA is just a tool, not a panacea or the end all be all, at least that has been my experience. I have found that my approach and attitude seems to be proportional to what I get out of meetings and believe me I have spent some very valuable time in meetings and many not so fruitful times. I will say that were it not for the AA 12 step program I seriously doubt I would be celebrating Christmas this year.

I actually attend just a few meetings a month, but it is when I know that I need to be reminded of how I got sober. I have a couple of very good friends that I met in the AA rooms and often have coffee with them when schedules permit. It has been a long time since I entertained the idea of a drink, but the manner of living and my outlook on life in general has its genesis in AA some 15 years ago.

AA is not a basket of mental health as I have heard said, but there are some very wonderful people who strive every day to be better than they were yesterday and I hope that I am among those.

Best wishes on the journey 2much, I sincerely hope you do find what you are looking for. I know I did, but with many many meetings that at the beginning I thought were a colossal waste of time, but in my case it turned out they weren't.

Happy holidays,
Jon

Lenina

John, I didn't see nailing to the wall. I see a lot of concerned people offering their best advice and personal experience. We don't shoot our wounded, as the saying goes. This is a hard time of year for many folks, the weather isn't good, the nostalgia sometimes gets to us.

love from Lenina without nails.

Tamerua

What I have learned, even more so since getting sober, is that it is whatever you make it or believe it to be. That's it. No more and no less. I go to one meeting and have heard people say it is full of cliques while others say it is the friendliest place on earth. Or that sobriety is awesome, or boring. A job is great or oppressive, and on and on.

If something isn't good, we each have to examine why and decide if it is us or something outside of us and if we can handle it.

Carlotta

Well I cannot invite you to lunch since I don't live in your area but I can invite you to this thread. Nonsensical is just being a hoot this morning (when isn't he?)
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5094514

sugarbear1

Sending you love and hugs

Carlotta

SoberLeigh

No, I don't think that is too much to ask. Is there any one there there who seems a little isolated? Could you ask him to lunch; maybe he is wishing the same thing as you.

2muchpain

Thanks, I needed that. John

Lenina

excellent idea there, John! You might even ask towards the end of the meeting if anyone wants to join in for some pie and coffee. Get a little group together!

Love from Lenina

tomsteve

It is nice to have people ask me out to lunch and stuff, but to expect it?
That's setting myself up for disappointment.
I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to change in the world as what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.

It would prolly be a good suggestion for ya to get out and go help someone less fortunate.

anattaboy

My first sponsor told me there will be sick or bad meetings. He suggested trying to share to turn the meeting around.

awuh1

It sounds to me like you are saying that good things happen to other people but they don't happen to me ... so... I'm not going to go to that meeting tomorrow, and, because I don't like what some people have said here in this thread I'm going to say bye bye.

You start off exhibiting a certain negativity, and then seem to expect everyone should respond with lots of warm fuzzes. Is that realistic? Please consider that if other people are truly being treated differently than you are, that there is a difference between you and those other people.

I have a solution to your problem but I doubt that you are willing to try it. If you want to see a difference in how people respond to you, then drastically change the motivation you have for your behavior. Stop thinking about yourself. Period. Do nothing but the bare necessities for yourself. Occupy yourself with thoughts of how you can help others and take action to do so without expectation of any reward. After you have done this for at least 30 days find someone you can help anonymously. Someone who will never be able to identify you as the person who helped. In addition make sure that you do this so that nobody ever knows who did this good deed.

This will change your life. However I don't want to hear that it worked. I don't want to hear that I was correct.

I just want to make a difference.

Dee74

You've received a lot of support here John over the past few years.
I think people are just struggling to get what you mean here.

the post before this you replied to this selfsame post in a very different way.

I'm worried about you - are you doing ok John?
I know Christmas is rough for a lot of us - it can be lonely for some.

Talk to us

D

silentrun

Being where I am at is kind of like a fairytale John. That is sobriety. Actually it's more like maybe the Wizard of Oz in my case. It's how a superhero learns to fight (sorry just heard that song).
It's Christmas eve and there is no snow in Minnesota. Talk about a fairytale.

2muchpain

I've be on SR for less than a year. No, I'm not doing OK but I am not drinking. Yes, I'm very emotional right now. Some of the responses to this thread has almost brought me to tears, but that's my problem. I chose to start this thread. Nobody forced me. Most of the responses were meant to be helpful and I really do appreciate that, I really do, but others are just judgmental, critical and very assuming. I guess I'm dealing with some pain right now; I just wasn't prepared for some of the responses I got, but again, I put myself out there. My AV is working overtime right now and I've been fighting it off so far. I really don't want to feed it with more "excuses" to say f**k it and give in. My cup is pretty full right now. Going to a meeting right now or posting more on SR might not be a good idea right now. Like many people here, I'm just trying to survive. Someone posted earlier, "hugs and kisses". That's the kind of stuff I was hoping to hear. John

Dee74

Hugs and kisses are good but I think there's value in the other responses too.

Every time you've drank again there's been some resentment or unmet expectation.
I understand that because I used to have those too.

I never understood why noone was knocking on my door.

It used to be particularly bad at times like this because I felt like I was the only one of earth not having a Merry Christmas. I was alone and sad.

I really recommend you get out and do some volunteering - get amongst people and do some good while you're out there.

I know you've worked with children for a long time and given a lot.
But there's no law prohibiting doing more

Start making connections - there's an excellent chance then maybe next Christmas you will get those knocks on your door - or even better you'll go knock on someone elses

Merry Christmas to you

Dee74

double post.