justme

Blacked out again!!! Always tell myself I won't let myself get that drunk. This time talked out of my ass and they guy I've been dating doesn't want to see me anymore. I have to admit I've been trying to end it but just didn't know how. So on top of that shameful feeling I feel like a loser because I'm so ashamed, embarrassed, disgusted!!! Why!!! I'm so sad usually I wouldn't go to work but I was able to get myself up! I'm done I can't do this anymore!!!!! I refuse to blackout and be this drunk idiot. I'm not telling friends or family I'm done like a broken letter! I'm doing it for me it's over!!!!! my heart is so sad... I got the double whammy. I really liked him but I knew it wasn't going anywhere 4 yrs and no commitment. But why does it hurt so bad! Help I need to know someone understands!

Aellyce

Hi justme. I understand. I also had a relationship a few years ago that did not work out the way I wished (both of us wished, I would say), due in a large part to the drinking problem we both had.This made me feel angry and desperate for years and made me sabotage other (not only romantic) relationships as well because I just could not make peace with reality not following my desires, and it wasn't that my feelings were not reciprocated. In my case, I figured that the lack of commitment was actually much more on my side than the other person's... the same way I lacked commitment to getting sober and working on my recovery for years.

Unfortunately, the drinking problem does not tend to work that way, that things will get better if "we don't let ourselves to get that drunk". Drunk is drunk, and it only gets worse with time if we keep doing it. And heartbreak is heartbreak... I think these things usually need to run their course. The one thing I can say confidently is it's easier and more effective to work on it sober. I mean sober, not just a bit less drunk.

I see from your join date that you are new super new to an addiction forum... so I believe you know well that active addiction interferes with everything we do.

OklaBH

Hi sweetie. In my opinion you have 2 new slates. 1) your getting sober ..thats awesome and it only gets better 2) you are single...no more toxic relationship to drag you down

So now you can totally focus on you and your recovery. Im sorry it happened this way. No good moment ever leads us to quitting.

I hope you hang out here. You wont regret getting sober

DayTrader

I sure understand. What you described is precisely the definition of alcoholism - the inability to stop and stay stopped......in spite of have many many VERY good reasons to do so.

Looking back, if it was just up to me, I never would have stopped and or stayed stopped when I did. I was sure I had plenty of quality drinking years left before I REALLY had to give it up..........if I ever really did have to give it up (and I wasn't really convinced that I would have to give it up for good, forever). There's even the suggestion in the AA book that people who call themselves alcoholic yet CAN give it up, given a sufficiently strong reason, aren't the same "type" of alcoholic as those who founded/need AA.

So while my personal experience was somewhat different.......ya, you're darn right I can identify.

** my earliest 1st step was admitting, "ya, I CAN'T get it together......and keep it together for much time."

Soberwolf

Just me it stops when your truly ready to stop

do you accept you cant drink alcohol safely or responsibly no more ?

This seriously helped me friend

Hope4Life

Hi justme,

It sounds like you are ready to take some steps towards sobriety. Admitting to yourself that you cannot drink, AT ALL, is the first step. Believe me, there is a WONDERFUL life waiting for you in sobriety that is completely devoid of shame, embarrassment and disgust of yourself and your behavior.

Just don't drink for the next minute, hour or day and stick around here for lot's of support and encouragement. Many of us had the same realization as you and have recovered from alcoholism and SO CAN YOU!

Good Luck and hope to hear from you....

dsmaxis10

I stayed sober 2 weeks then drank two days in a row day one again. I live with my parents so I can't drink like I wanted the last two days I live with my parents cause I'm on disability can't afford to live on my own. Thing is I got away with it no trouble that's not good news that's bad news. I stayed sober four years in AA and have been relapsing for the last two years. During those two years I got another sponsor and fired him after 4 months of staying sober. I thought I could do nothing to stay sober didn't have to do all that AA stuff relapsed two weeks later. Thinking about working with that sponsor again don't know if I want to he offered to. I need to go to meetings to remind myself how bad I was when I went to rehab. It's difficult cause I'm also schizophrenic if it wasn't for my parents putting there foot down on my drinking I'd be as bad as I went to rehab. I haven't been in recovery for over a year just the time I get a month here two weeks there I just have been in between drinks. Looking to add to AA maybe go to church Bible study anyways I'll pray for you to have a recovery path and pray for my self to have one.

bounced

Hey justme, I understand. I can't tell you the number of times I woke up in the middle of the night and said 'never again, tomorrow I quit' only to carry on like before.

For me, I had to get around to deciding that 'I am worthy'. I am worthy to experience this wonderful life without drowning my emotional pain in alcohol. It is too expensive to miss out on happiness. And it took a long time. And I failed quite a few times. You are worthy too! Every child is born worthy. You just need to learn to believe it, that's all there is to it.