labyrinth

I am so sick of being bored its not funny anymore, I HATE what my life has become, I hate being sober, I hate I have no memeory or any other mental capaicaty, I am sick of depresonalzing all of the time. I hate hearing it will get better, (realy it will? WHEN!!!!!!). I hate hearing put your trust in god, (If he his real he can just F*** OFF), I am sick of the AA meeting just ending up in a agrument or someone one saying someone else said this and it hurt my feeling so I think I am going to drink and take the whole hour up crying how there feeling were hurt. :lame: I just have no compassion for anyone, anything or myself anymore. I finaly get my license back after a 16 months and can drive as soon as the paper work comes..you would think that would make me happy. Well it did for like 20 friggen mins then I went out to smoke a cig and my vision starting playing tricks on me again and **** started looking like it was moving even though it wasent (aint HPPD just friggen great)
and wham right back into this s*** hole I call a life. Right now I wish there was god because I would just love to meet him an plant my foot in his A**.
I think I am going to end this post now before I say some things I might regret.

later

Chy

Lab,
Huge hugs! Do you have a sponsor yet? If not it is time to get one, if so, you should discuss this with him/her. We all deal with sobriety on a different level, for most, it does get better, for others, there is so much to still learn, understand, feel, and hope for, it becomes overwhelming and more painful. But do stick it out, what about drinking again, will make it all better for you? Get busy, get involved, find a hobby, but don't dwell on the misery of sobriety, because I assure you, you are doing the right thing, and right now, for whatever reason, your right where you need to be, as bad as it seems now.

Have faith your HP is working with you despite your anomisity towards him. I know it may suck big time right now, but don't give up k? You've come so far, really!

MootPoint

Labyrinth

I've had days where I wanted to meet my HP just so I could put a boot up Its a**. Yesterday was one of those days. It passed.

I'm still waiting for the Promises to come true. Some have, others haven't. It takes longer for some of us than others.

Sometimes hearing talk about God and how much better it gets pisses me off. I was, and sometimes still am, the biggest agnostic around.

THen I go talk to my sponsor or, if she's not available, go down my phone list.

Do you have a sponsor? If not, get one!

Please don't give up, Labyrinth!

JennieB

someone said if you think sober life is boring, you should look at yourself. I used to be bored ALL THE TIME because I was so used to drinking. When I heard that, my mouth hit the floor. Then, I got involved and FORCED myself to talk to people at meetings. (Even though I didn't want to). It's tough, it really is. But it does get easier if you are working the steps. Today I do things I would have never done drunk. Camping. traveling. Walk in the parks. Yeah corney, but it's where i get my serenity and peace.
Keep coming back!

Hgrokit

How many meetings do you attend? How many events within the group or your district to you participate or volunteer in? What do you do with your time when you are not working? Are you working?

Sobriety and recovery sucks if you just hang out and expect things to get better. Recovery is a program of action. Nowhere is it stated that it is going to be easy, but let me tell you my friend, it is the "Easier, Softer Way".

Get involved! Help someone that needs it without being asked. Volunteer. Make coffee and clean up after the meetings. You are gonna get out of sobriety what you put into it. One last question? how much effort did you put into getting drunk or stoned? Think about it?

Thanks for letting me share.

Don S

In addition to all the suggestions above, I'd just add that if you aren't getting out of AA what you need check out some of the other recovery programs available. Have you looked into alternatives?

Sobriety doesn't bring happiness, it just makes it easier to recognize. If you were unhappy, depressed, angry, lonely, or anxious before -- when you were drinking--you will still possibly be some or all those things when you are sober. In fact, when we first get sober some of those emotions and conditions kind of rear up and slap us--'cuz we've been postponing, suppressing, or modulating them with drugs for a long time.
They just might be factors in why we were drinking in the first place. So dealing with them may be the key to long-term sobriety.
Don S

Patsyd1

Hi labyrinth,

I too felt that way when I first got sober. At first I didn't want to take the suggestions, I felt as if I could it alone and didn't need to do as was suggested by those who were happy, joyous and free.

When I became sick and tired of being sick and tired, angry, lost, confused, hurting and miserable......... I took the suggestions, all of them.

There is a solution labyrinth, and I have found a life second to none through the 12 steps of AA. I began to get to a lot of meetings, I got a sponsor, and I called her. There is a solution labyrinth, why not take the suggestions from those who came long before you did, and once felt just as you feel right now.

Keep coming labyrinth, take the suggestions... because you are worth it hon.

Patsy

Ninerfan

Welcome to sobriety Lab, and I dont want to **** you off but........it will get better. You are going to have to do some thngs though. Some things different than you are used to doing. Drinking took up an awful lot of my time so when I quit I stll had that time to fill. Dont give up on AA until you have given it an honest try. Step work with a sponsor and meetings will occupy a lot of your free time. If you work that is 8 hours accounted for, sleep is another 8 hours, so you only have to worry about the remaining 8 hours. What do you want to do with your life? What is fun for you to do? Do you have any hobbies? If you don't know the answers to these questions don't worry about it, just think about it and go to a meeting. Say the serenity prayer, talk to another newcomer, the time will pass. Don't forget how your last drunk felt. If you haven't had a drink today you are a winner; and soon you will feel like one.

carrie300

guess what i hate thinking of being sober, i'm so afraid, can you help me? i need help

Ninerfan

Sure I can, we all will help you. Welcome to the boards. I know the fear. But you have a choice. You don't have to drink your life away. AA helped me more than I can say. Churches can help. There are other recovery methods but AA is what I know. Tell me what is going on.

elizabeth1979

Labyrinth and Carrie,
I usually post on the friends and family board, my boyfriend/ex, depending on the day,is an alcoholic. When I read bot your posts, this I could have been listening to him. It may get better, it may get worse. But, you are doing a good thing.

Please don't give up, somebody, or more likely, some bodies, love you and want to see you healthy and happy. Take care of yourself....I mean, remember that you are a good person, and addictions have no favorites so do something that makes you happy. Nothing makes you happy right now, I know. Try. Good luck to you all and my heart is with you, and you have taken a good step by beibg here. It makes my heart happy to hear that you want to try, bc now I know it can happen.

Sarah Elizabeth

Rowan

Hey Labyrinth
I want to say thanks for being so honest, it took guts to step off the beaten path and voice how you were REALLY feeling.
Everyone here has given you great support and encouragment, not to mention good advice, so I won't add to it with my two cents. All I would like to say is to hang in there. Don't drink. Just for today. The cliches and slogans of AA seem lame at times, but they have worked for generations of people just like you .. what makes you think it won't work for you?
I would suggest reading the chapter "We Agnostics" of the Big Book. It really helped me define my HP.
Please keep coming back. Did you wake up one day, look out the window and see a beautiful sunny day, stretch luxuriously, and say 'What a beautiful day. I think I'll go to AA.' ? Of course not. Remember what brought you here.
Much love
Rowan

Peter

labyrinth. I know how you feel.(Wait! dont shoot yet lol)

I have been sober now nearly seven years and I still get days when I just say f*** it and retire to my little old pity potty.Just remember to flush when you done.

I give my HP a right good cussin out every now and then too.He can handle it.The people in my neighbourhood cant.

Self loathing, self hatred and low self esteem are defects that affect many alcoholics and sometimes when the alcohol is removed we are faced with the stark naked truth of facing ourselves for what we really are and many times we don't like what we see.

Being sober can be a frightening concept for someone who depended on it for many years so dont be too hard on yourself if sometimes you feel like tearing your hair out.Just know that one thing is certain..........you will start to feel better soon.

Don't stop going to meetings just yet.If you encounter bickering at meetings remember that there are people there who are feeling exactly as you are feeling now.

Boredom is a state of mind that we create for ourselves.Negative thoughts affects our feelings so it is possible to change those bad feelings by changing your thoughts.Get busy and get active.Stay away from the bottle.

2004 is turning out to be a very bad year for me as far as relationships goes and not once has the thought of taking a drink crossed my mind.Adrink never helped before and it certainly can't help me now.

Keep posting and vent if you have to vent.Just dont pick up that drink ok.

Oh yeah and remember........stop being so dam hard on yerself........................

Peter

Carrie welcome to the forums.

I hated being sober too.

Whenever anyone asked me the question;" Why do you drink so much?" My reply to them was something like "Have you looked at the news lately? The world is a dreadful place to be sober in ."

That is why AA was so valuable to me because it taught me certain Spiritual elements of Acceptance of life as it really is, Tolerance of those things I cant understand and [B]Courage to face the challenges of life.

Every former drunk will tell you that at one point or another the thought of life without alcohol was a frightening one.You are not alone in your fears.

Please continue to stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.

MootPoint

Carrie, welcome to SR..

Living sober is a challenge, and frightening, especially at first. We numbed our feelings for so long, and viola! ..... here they are back again!

Get yourself a support system is number one in my book. Get yourself a plan on how you're going to stay sober. There are many ready made "plans" out there. I use AA. Don S uses SMART. Some ppl go into a rehab.

But I can tell you that it's worth it!

You might want to start your own thread....... that way you'll get tons of support!