Lenina

...

Lenina

Dup

Carbonized

Food Pantry? Never really thought of it. Worth checking out.

Salvation Army or a Church? The last thing the Salvation Army would want is me working in one. Oh, i've got many stories and observations to tell about about them from my homeless experiences. If i ever wrote a book about those times, their lawyers and public relations types are going to be quite busy. As for a Church...The closer i look, the more disgust and disillusionment about organized religion and religion in general increases.

AA? Have been to three meetings and basically made me hate the whole concept. Spent a long time researching AA doctrine and came to the conclusion that it's not for me.

NA? Was raised in areas where drugs absolutely saturated every level of life. Seriously. Had family, friends, associates, neighbors, merchants, the police, even schoolteachers, you name it, involved in the drug trade one way or another. From on the corner dealers to big time weight movers. Been around it all. So naturally i'm not really sympathetic those who get strung out in this day and age. If you know it will get you in the end, why mess with it in the first place?


What i'm going to do tonight is study texts and books about the field i'm getting into and then i have simulator runs to do. Have to practice a lot.

Tomorrow, i'll be be out working on my social skills, doing eye contact and smiling practice as well as checking out the locations of a few restaurants and lounges. Also going to the NLP center in the village. In the evening business study and sim runs.

Sunday will be tracking down various supplements and such for the workout. Also have to call my connect for the steroids so we can discuss the exact stack and cost. Also visiting three different gyms. I know which want i'm partial to but it doesn't hurt to check around. In the evening, study and sim runs.

Lenina

Why are you taking steroids? Are they prescribed for you? Please be careful. They can really, seriously mess up your mind.

Have you looked into Rational Recovery?

Love from Lenina

muddywaters

Hello Carbonized,

Things will start getting better. You have support here.

I would make one suggestion regarding the steroids. I fought professionally in mma all over the world. If your on the verge of panic attacks and having anxiety I suggest holding off. It will only heighten your negative emotions.

I would get your levels checked when your feeling better and only do it under doctors su provision. Get yourself going a good 90 days healthy and on a diet, exercise plan before even considering steroids. Just my opinion.. We are here to support you. Keep fighting for your health.

Carbonized

Well, the steroids wasn't going to come into the picture until i had a routine going for at least a month. The one thing i realized is other than study and sims, i have all the time in the world to work out. I have unemployment coming in for a few months and basically i'm on vacation until it runs out. So i have plenty of time daily to work out. I know a bunch of guys that have lifted seriously for years and without exception, every single one of them has been on the juice at one time or another. That's where the connect comes into the picture. If anything, i can ask questions and stuff but can stall him easily since i never been known to take them before.

Physically, it won't be that much of a hassle (i hope) as i've done this before, even if i'm pretty beat up this time around. Mentally, it's a grind. Can't even escape during sleep as even the dreams are bothersome more often than not.

Dee74

Steroids? C'mon!
Please keep in mind this is a recovery forum.

If they're not prescribed, knock it off.

Dee
Moderator
SR

fini

hate this life, you say.
yeah, it shows, Carbonized.

and it's understandable, but how is it helpful?

i get the fact of resentments, and wanting revenge, an eye for an eye, i GET wanting it. at that point is where the options can come in. different ways to go from there. some more healing and helpful than others. the real scary part, for me, has been the letting go of being stuck there. the deliberate effort to NOT stay in that space.

no quick 180 degree reversals. time and effort and courage and willingness.

i wish you well.

Carbonized

So i got out there really early and waited.

After the doors opened it wasn't too bad. Since i was one of the first, being called in was quick and the initial paperwork was briefer than i thought. Had at least a moment of satisfaction. There was a question i had to ask about on the paperwork concerning what condition you would have that would make it difficult to work and was told that is was about permanent disabilities. I mentioned that i i was hurt all over but just used over the counter painkillers and kept on working. The response was "I wish more people did like you. Just about everyone else who comes here wants to sit around at home and collect."

Made me feel a whole lot better even though i still think i'm an idiot for having to be there in the first place. Found out it'll take about a month to process and find out weather i'm approved or not so now i have to figure out what to do next as i'm in a medical limbo.

strategery

I am glad you have the initial paperwork done Carbonized. I hope everything works out.

Kllme

Not true, varies per state but even with Osama Hussein care, you can still get cheap insurance as they go off your income which all you do is estimate. I think my dental/ medical last year was $50 a month. Confusing as hell to sign up for. At least it was last year.

Carbonized

They call what i'm signing up for is Adult Medicaid.

Just looked over the paperwork that i got from the checkup and i noticed i forgot to mention a few prominent lingering injuries i live with since the bother from them is so constant, i've grown use to living with them.

Interesting to see what the tests will show for the liver since when the doctor checked there it was somewhat uncomfortable and in a few spots it actually hurt.This after giving up drinking last year.

Carbonized

Finally got something nice for Christmas!

Received a letter late yesterday that says that i'm approved for Adult Medicaid! It's even been retrograded somehow to DEC 1st.

Now i have to figure out where to go and who to see.

strategery

I am so happy for you Carbonized! That is great news!

I also wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas!