MelindaFlowers

Hi Everybody. I just want to take a moment and thank all of you for your wonderful and indispensable support.

I arrived home to news of a family emergency and brewing tragedy.

I'd always read that you have to be ready to be brought to your knees. Well, this is my moment.

Any words of support will be greatly appreciated. I will not drink but whoa nelly, if this were some Hollywood drama I'd be waking up tomorrow late for work with one shoe on.

Breathing...... Breathing........

biminiblue

Whatever it is that is happening, you will be much better able to face it sober.

You know that. Breathe. Anyone can steer the ship when the seas are calm, but it takes strength to stay the course during the storm.

LBrain

hang on melinda, the cavalry is just over the hill.

I hope it's not too tragic. I hope you are okay. We're here for you.

Notimetoloose

(((Melinda))))....please know we are here for you.

Breathing is good, time is good, talking is good....push ups help to get the rid of adrenaline and madness we can feel : (

I hope you are okay.

MelindaFlowers

Thank you. No lives are in danger, just disappointment and sadness. This living life on life's terms stuff can be really hard! I'll be fine. No drinking here.

I'm really fine. You guys are awesome.

I'm pretty good at putting things in perspective and I like numbers, so I would give this a 6.8/10 if 10 is the worst thing that can happen. Perhaps "tragedy" was a bit much on my part.

Thank you all again. What a great place this is.

LBrain

okay, you'll be fine. just remember, sucking it up and holding things in can be quite stressful, if you need to share or get something off your chest, you know where to come. hugs

SoberLeigh

We are here for you, Melinda; lean on us as often as you need.

Venecia

You can do this, Melinda.

Dee74

I'm glad you've downgraded from tragedy

I guarantee that what ever it is you'll deal with it far better sober - you may even find you're stronger and more capable than you've ever imagined Melinda

You can do this, sober

D

Soberpotamus

Pulling for you, Melinda...

sugarbear1

sending love, hugs and prayers to you

Pipping

Thinking of you and hoping for the best. Just imagine having to deal with this and a brutal hangover.

Jsbodhi

Thinking of you!
You're so strong on here and so supportive of everyone, I'm sure you'll handle it well
Xoxo

MelindaFlowers

Thank you everyone. I am deeply touched by your support.

What has been happening over the past few months (I have been sober for five) is watching my bro's drinking reach new lows. He is also an alcoholic but had such a different pattern than me that I didn't even really realize it. He goes periods of time drinking normally then gets really drunks and behaves terribly. What makes him an alcoholic is that he doesn't think he has a problem. He sees it at as situational or attributes it to stress. He is someone where you don't know if they will ever actually stop. He also continues in spite of any and all consequences. There are some stark differences between my alcoholism and his. I was never in denial. I have always been an open book. He has never once admitted he had a problem. He is almost arrogant about it.

Watching all of this unfold while I'm sober has been a very interesting experience to say the least. I know that feeling of blacking out, waking up the next morning, swearing off alcohol forever, and then drinking later that week. Like you literally declare to everyone: I have gone too far. Too much. I am stopping! And then you drink a few days later expecting a different result.

What I found out tonight is not unique or even uncommon but my brother received his third strike from his wife. She has asked him to move out and she is beginning divorce proceedings. They have a baby and I am just terribly sad to see this family unit disintegrate. I guess it is a tragedy. I am mourning the loss of this wonderful woman I loved as my sister-in-law. At the same time I want to take a frying pan to my brother. Throwing away your family for booze? As I said, I know this is common but it is just so painful to watch.

He received his first "strike" from her in August, an ultimatum to stop drinking or leave. He used up his second strike in September. Now, third strike he's out.

I realize that nobody is probably terribly interested in my family drama (lol) but wow, this has thrown me for a loop. He chose alcohol over his family. I don't have children or a spouse so I never really had to make that decision. Perhaps I would have made the same tragic mistake if I had it to lose.

I won't drink over it. Not even a question. So, that's it. Thank you all again.

Dee74

I'm sorry Melinda. I actually do think that is a tragedy.

But, maybe this is the slap in the face your bro needs?

It's your bro's job to fix this - I don;t know if he can fix the relationship, but he certainly can find recovery, if he wants to

D

LBrain

sorry to hear this, is it still possible to maintain a friendship with your in law?

I hope your brother gets help.

MelindaFlowers

Thank you Lbrain. Yes, she is a wonderful person in every way. We will remain close.

Ptcapote

Oh Melinda, I am so sorry you're going through this. It is close to my heart, as well. My brother is also an alcoholic with a different pattern of drinking than mine. Same as yours, mine vehemently denies there is a "problem" and it's always someone or something else's problem. Not his, never his. He's been enabled by my mother (also an alcoholic, but a highly functional one) but even she has finally given up. I stopped talking to him years ago, before I stopped drinking even, because I literally could not believe a word out of his mouth at any given time and he was so amazingly self-destructive when he drank, it was too painful to watch anymore. His girlfriend recently threw him out after years of trying to get him to stop and, as of two weeks ago, he was on the streets. It breaks my heart but I know that if he is ever going to get better, he has to get better for himself. And that means hitting some sort of bottom. My bottom was "higher" and less externally destructive but it takes what it takes. Alcoholism is alcoholism.

Nevertheless, it's painful to watch and occasionally was triggering to me in the beginning of my sobriety so be gentle on yourself & take good care of yourself. Stick close here and lean on your support network. You are doing awesome and your posts have helped me many times in the past month or two because you are so honest and express yourself so beautifully. You're a gift to this community.

Hang in there. There are things that are inevitably going to rock your foundation in sobriety but with each and every one you get through without taking a drink, the stronger you get.

Big, big hug to you tonight. Thinking of you and sending strength.

indakut

The best way to handle it is sober.

LexieCat

Melinda, I'm sorry to hear about this sad situation. One thing, don't think of this as the loss of your SIL. She is probably hurting a great deal, herself, and is probably worried about losing YOU and your family. A call to let her know you care, and that you understand how difficult this has been for her, might be very much appreciated.