AnyLengths

The fact you didn't drink yesterday is
(a) a miracle and
(b) a shred of proof that you can absolutely not drink today

That's all there is to it right now. You don't know it but you've already climbed the hill. YOu made it through yesterday without picking up a drink so you know it can be done. Do it again today ... no matter what.

I was relieved to find out that I didn't drink because of grief, bad marriage, bad boss or for any other reason. I drank because I am an alcoholic and that's what alcoholics do. The grief and other feelings will come and go in sobriety. They are not related to my drinking .. now those feelings are related to my "living" ...

No matter what, just don't drink today.

HeadLump

Following along and rooting for you, ttugrad

Congratulations on day 2

SoberLeigh

Sounds to me as though you have accepted that drinking is not the answer and has nothing good to offer you; that's huge, ttugrad, really huge.

Welcome to Day 2.

Keep posting; we are here for you.

mistory5

Tomsteve I concur. What does AA have to do with Christianity? Although AA has some valuable teachings and support technically its not a Christian program. The direct teachings of Christ are not written or spoken about biblically (not supposed to be) I am a Christian and had to stuggle with AA in my spirit and mind about why does a program who professes not to look towards a particular faith pray the Lords prayer from the book of Matthew. It was just confusing to me. But I will revisit it when I need extra face to face support when I need it and go to some sober clubhouse activities. I needed to get this off my chest. I don't want to offend anyone who has used AA to stay sober...whatever works for you as long as it's healthy is a blessing.

mistory5

I made mistake I meant I concur with 2muchpain. Sorry Tomsteve.

BackToSquareOne

The hardest part of quitting drinking was never in the quitting itself, I did that so many times I lost count. Staying stopped for good is the real proving grounds of the quitting experiment. If you keep failing at the "staying stopped" part of the equation you really need to change the way you look at alcohol. It can't even be an option as any amount of alcohol has the potential of setting the whole thing in motion again.

ttugrad1793

well, I jumped the tracks. Sigh.

I had mentioned that one of the issues that is continually causing me to stumble is my marriage. Let me rephrase that - one of the issues that I'm continually ALLOWING to cause me to stumble is my marriage.

Frankly, it sucks. I won't bore you all with the ins and outs of WHY it sucks, but when it rears its head and I'm left hurting and feeling worthless....well....you know the drill.

Last night was one of those moments, and off I went to Old Faithful.

My resolve is still there - I'm thinking of booking some time with an addiction counselor that can help me with techniques on how best to overcome those dark moments, because left to myself, I'm failing.

waynetheking

Just keep trying. Thats all that matters. Were here for ya!

GroundhogDay

Can you get out of your home for a while? It sounds like the toxic relationship you currently have with your wife is a major threat to your sobriety. With some sober time under your belt, you may learn how better to cope with her in future.

Inpatient rehab would surround you with a supportive environment, and remove you from your current toxic environment.

What about your church? Why do you think you are failing spiritually? I find my happiness and peace depend on my spiritual health.

sillyguy

Hello,

I'm sorry to hear about all of the grief that you are going through. It must be extremely hard.

Don't beat yourself up over day one again. I need a super computer to sum up the amount of day ones that I have had.

Its probably worth considering some marriage counselling. If you have gone down that path together before then perhaps try something else more extreme.
I'm certainly not qualified to give advice but what works for me is the scientific approach.

Try and document each thing you try for all of the things that are bothering you and how they turn out. Give each thing a bit of time (whatever that is for you) and if it doesn't work then make notes about why it didn't and move on to the next thing.

Fighting things for me also didn't work out. What has so far is trying NEW things.

For alcohol Antabuse has really nailed it for me so far. It's early days but I'm extremely happy with the results. I'm still failing with a lot of other things though :-P

Yesterday was supposed to be day one for opiates but I got a bad cold + headache and of course that was all my brain needed to stuff more down my throat and today I still feel crap so have done the same again.

The way that I'm going to approach things from now on is not necessarily fearing day one again , but rephrasing it as day one trying approach X.

So for Alcohol you wouldn't be saying ... crap its day one again. But Its day one trying AA as Antabuse didn't help me (for example). That way you have learnt something and you are going down a different path. We can admit failure down a particular path but it won't lead us to self loathing (or less likely).

That way I'm less inclined to beat myself up and I know that I'm trying something new and this new path might be more beneficial.

I have had many ups and downs with my wife too. Currently things are OK. Not great but OK. Abstaining from alcohol makes her more happy (in fact she is proud about that) and helps with my frame of mind so I can handle "the ****" better.

I wish you all the best.

Stay around and you will get help from like-minded people.


-----
I think you could re-phase your topic to

Day one - Renewing of my spiritual walk. (as an example of the above if you you think it is helpful)

ttugrad1793

thank you. Yesterday was better and was a pretty easy Day 1.
I appreciate your comment about it's Day 1 trying this, and then this, and then this. At least it lessens the pain a bit.

My relationship is what it is - it has times of beauty, and then it has times of total chaos, and they seem to arise out of nowhere.

I'm not going anywhere - I'm in this for the long haul.