EJP

Thanks for the responses. I was aware of alcohol withdrawal kindling but didnt think it applie outside of the acute stage. The reason I started this thread is because the past couple time Ive made it it to 30mdays, I havent felt as good as I hoped I would based on previous periods of sobriety and become frustrated.
But i suppose it makes sense.

Im probably drinking more in terms of volume this year too. Drinking on fewer days but much heavier.

Alwyshope12

EJP, trust me, you will make it to 90 days, and you will be amazed at how good you feel. It only gets better and better. Read the 12 promises of AA, they are true

MelindaFlowers

There are two parts to my recovery. I felt way better at 30 days than day one, but still nowhere near as fantastic as I thought I would. I am five months and still healing. Slow progress but still progress.

Hindsight has been a big theme of my recovery. Everything looks worse in hindsight. For example, when I look back to day 15, it scares me. I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. But, I felt better than day 10.

I'll stop blabbering but I will state the obvious: sobriety never gets worse. It only gets better. Maybe slowly, but always better.

You couldn't pay me a million dollars to drink again. I simply could not handle the hell of early sobriety again.

I'm still healing but I am now walking among the living and it feels really good. It feels good to live again.

MaxxPower

This.

Melinda, I relate to so many of your posts. Are drinking patterns are very much alike.

Drinking doesn't work for me either anymore. Coming of this last relapse, and leading up to the first time I went to detox, drinking didn't do anything but make me feel dizzy/lightheaded/lethargic..like I was almost sleepwalking. Its hard to describe, but I know you know what I'm talking about.

I'm terrified of drinking now. The magic is gone.

MelindaFlowers

Oh yes, max, I know exactly what you mean. When the daily hangovers turned into daily (mild?) withdrawals the drinking at night no longer "cured" the hangover. I felt like death whether I was drinking or not. I used to feel great while drinking, a total mood enhancer but not the last year or two. I think I mentioned it before but my hands would still tremble slightly after five or six drinks! Weird, huh? It was almost a blessing that it stopped working. When it still worked I couldn't get a day one. Then, once it stopped working it wasn't even that hard to stop.