erin8

I feel good today. I woke up and took my son out to breakfast and I feel good about that. I never would have been able to do that if I were drinking because I'd be too afraid to drive with him in the car with a hangover. They were brutal. Anyway I'm worried, not because I want to drink because I have no desire to do that today, but because I've been here a million times and I know how brief these moments of clarity last for me. I'm afraid of waking up with no recollection of drinking and my life being worse than it ever has been before. Like waking up in the hospital and today being the last day I remember and being like "what the hell?!" I'm not sure if that makes sense. I'm probably over thinking things like I normally do. lol. I'm just so ready for this thing to be gone but what happens when I lose sight of that?

Jack16

Hey erin8, you're probably right, sounds like you're overthinking - I tend to do that as well. It's great that you took your son out for breakfast, focus on that, and that you're feeling good today. Don't worry about things that haven't even happened yet.

covame

I've been there, I know what is like it. This is way I need a daily reminder of my condition, which I get in a support group.

Hope4Life

Hi erin, glad that you are here! Try to 'Live In The Now' and you might want to read the book of the same name by Eckhart Tolle, it is one of the tools I use.

Are you getting any help? A therapist could really help you and attending AA meetings and working the steps would also help you work through the underlying reasons for your drinking problem.

Stay with it, Mom! Your son needs his Mom to be present in his life.

Good Luck!

Carbonized

Erin, do you have any long term goals that would require or benefit from sobriety? That's my little trick to making it day by day. I have something i'm working for and if i drink, it'll all be for nought. As bad as being sober can feel sometimes, it'll feel a million times when everything works out and i'm on top of the world.

Soberwolf

Hi Erin first off well done

I suggest getting a recovery plan AA, AVRT, Group therapy ?

I kept a journal and wrtote down every reason why i cant drink

i employed the mental tape in times of urges i learned to reach out

Just know that you have 24h support and your doing really well

OklaBH

Your post hit home with me. People don't realize how scary it is. I worry about relapse all the time. I've never been sober this long but it still looms over me. I'm an alcoholic. If my gaurd is down and I have forgotten how bad it was , imagine what can happen? That's another reason why I love SR and the people here. Thank you for posting. Enjoy your sober Sunday and your son

JayEl

This rang true with me as well. I was like this yesterday and it turned into doubt and almost planning the next drink. But you know what? Not today. Today I feel good and that's real. Will I tomorrow? Not sure, not here yet and not a lot I can do about it.

I overthink the concept of both having a plan but still just taking it day by day. Seems counterintuitive on the surface. I'm thinking through this a lot today.

Thanks for posting! What you're going through is obviously pretty normal for us, so let's work through it!

I will not drink today.