Is It Necessary To Have a Sponsor
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Is It Necessary To Have a Sponsor
I have had periods of sobriety in the past and have worked with a sponsor. I am not feeling like I want a sponsor at this time, but I still want to work the steps like I have in the past. Is it necessary that I have a sponsor, or am I breaking a rule in the AA program by not having or wanting one?
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Sponsors can see things in us that we can't see for ourselves.
Ever had someone pour their heart out to you & when you suggest something to fix the problem the other person goes "Geez .... I never thought of that, how did I not see it ... thanks I'll try / do that"
It's like that.
Ever had someone pour their heart out to you & when you suggest something to fix the problem the other person goes "Geez .... I never thought of that, how did I not see it ... thanks I'll try / do that"
It's like that.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,898
The program of AA is working the steps. There is more to recovery than just not drinking. The steps can transform your life. Meetings allow you to fellowship with others who share the same affliction, but the AA program is finding a sponsor and working the steps.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
There are no rules in AA, only suggestions. Having said that, it's been my experience that when I am trying to learn something for the first time I do much better when someone with knowledge and experience in the subject helps me, mentors me, guides me along the way until I know what I'm doing. I don't know the reasons you prefer not to have a sponsor right now, but there are sponsors out there who are willing to guide you through the steps without holding your hand along the way. That's the way I preferred it and me and my sponsor had a great teacher-student relationship.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Good for you!
There is nothing in the Big Book of AA that talks about a sponsor. However, within the first few years sponsorship was developed in the Akron, Ohio area and found to be very successful in a mentoring sort of way.
I have found two sponsor types in AA. A life sponsor and a step sponsor. To each his own. I choose to ask someone to be a step sponsor - a person with proven sobriety and an apparent emotional sobriety to go with that. My situation has evolved, however - which is off point.....
When getting in to 4 and 5 it is imperative to have someone familiar with the program as a guide, IMO.
So, the short long answer for me is - a qualified yes. But, I do not want someone involved in every aspect of my life. Just the steps and working the program. I find now after 6 months I have others I discuss step work with garnering their knowledge of the how's......
Link to AA's pamphlet on sponsorship = enlightening
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
Glad your here,
Keep coming back!
There is nothing in the Big Book of AA that talks about a sponsor. However, within the first few years sponsorship was developed in the Akron, Ohio area and found to be very successful in a mentoring sort of way.
I have found two sponsor types in AA. A life sponsor and a step sponsor. To each his own. I choose to ask someone to be a step sponsor - a person with proven sobriety and an apparent emotional sobriety to go with that. My situation has evolved, however - which is off point.....
When getting in to 4 and 5 it is imperative to have someone familiar with the program as a guide, IMO.
So, the short long answer for me is - a qualified yes. But, I do not want someone involved in every aspect of my life. Just the steps and working the program. I find now after 6 months I have others I discuss step work with garnering their knowledge of the how's......
Link to AA's pamphlet on sponsorship = enlightening
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
Glad your here,
Keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
there are no rules in aa its a simple as that and there are no bosses in aa
you have to make your own mind up on this for yourself, although i would always recomend people to have a sponsor and to use them as well not just have one and then never use them
but thats just me and my own personal view, as i have a sponsor who is also my best friend these days we have been togther now for many many years
the trick is to find a good sponsor who your comfortable with, don't go off with someone who gets thrown at you, find your own.
but should you wish to not have one at all then that ok to as there are plenty of people who never have had a sponsor, they did there step 5 for example with a monk or a priest etc those trained to take confessions
personally i would recommend a sponsor for all the steps except for step 5 and do the step 5 outside of the aa fellowship. for safety reasons.
you have to make your own mind up on this for yourself, although i would always recomend people to have a sponsor and to use them as well not just have one and then never use them
but thats just me and my own personal view, as i have a sponsor who is also my best friend these days we have been togther now for many many years
the trick is to find a good sponsor who your comfortable with, don't go off with someone who gets thrown at you, find your own.
but should you wish to not have one at all then that ok to as there are plenty of people who never have had a sponsor, they did there step 5 for example with a monk or a priest etc those trained to take confessions
personally i would recommend a sponsor for all the steps except for step 5 and do the step 5 outside of the aa fellowship. for safety reasons.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
I very recently lost my sponsor of about 30 years and find it difficult to get another. For me it was like the loss of a close family member.
I think a sponsor is a great help doing the 4th, however it depends on the person themselves. In my area there are BBSS meetings covering the steps and how to do them along with regular SS meetings.
Many people do the steps continually for a lot of years for their contented sober life and many do them every few years. I think it’s dependant on how we feel in our sobriety. Self improvement is a continuous goal for many.
BE WELL
I very recently lost my sponsor of about 30 years and find it difficult to get another. For me it was like the loss of a close family member.
I think a sponsor is a great help doing the 4th, however it depends on the person themselves. In my area there are BBSS meetings covering the steps and how to do them along with regular SS meetings.
Many people do the steps continually for a lot of years for their contented sober life and many do them every few years. I think it’s dependant on how we feel in our sobriety. Self improvement is a continuous goal for many.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by desypete 
there are no rules in aa its a simple as that and there are no bosses in aa
Originally Posted by desypete
...the trick is to find a good sponsor who your comfortable with, don't go off with someone who gets thrown at you, find your own.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
My opinion of sponorship has changed drastically as a result of getting results with the steps;
First I thought sonsorship was optional.
Then I thought getting a high quality sponsor was vital.
Now I see where most (if not all) of the quality is at the receiving end of the equasion. Any mentor can do the job so long as there is a willingness to follow suggestions. The real quality is in the willingness to change.
First I thought sonsorship was optional.
Then I thought getting a high quality sponsor was vital.
Now I see where most (if not all) of the quality is at the receiving end of the equasion. Any mentor can do the job so long as there is a willingness to follow suggestions. The real quality is in the willingness to change.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
They say you have to follow the simple program for it to work.
That said,if the simple program keeps you from going. It CAN'T work.
If you dread going to AA for whatever reason,try to somehow avoid that reason and go for the things you need. For me being around other people trying to do the same thing I was doing is what helped me the most.
I got sober by going to AA without a sponsor. I also havn't been attending steadily in over 4 years. I did attend steadily for the first year though. Am I on what they call a "dry drunk" ? I don't know,and I don't care. I am sober,and I am happy.
But like I say,AA can't work if you don't go,or there is something there that is making it intolerable for you.
That was a long winded way of me saying NO you don't have to have a sponsor. I am also not saying it is a good idea either. But like i say,I never had one. A lot of people at AA don't advertise who their sponsor is,so if you don't brag the fact you don't have one,most people let sleeping dogs lay..
The only AA rule is a desire to stay sober.
Fred
That said,if the simple program keeps you from going. It CAN'T work.
If you dread going to AA for whatever reason,try to somehow avoid that reason and go for the things you need. For me being around other people trying to do the same thing I was doing is what helped me the most.
I got sober by going to AA without a sponsor. I also havn't been attending steadily in over 4 years. I did attend steadily for the first year though. Am I on what they call a "dry drunk" ? I don't know,and I don't care. I am sober,and I am happy.
But like I say,AA can't work if you don't go,or there is something there that is making it intolerable for you.
That was a long winded way of me saying NO you don't have to have a sponsor. I am also not saying it is a good idea either. But like i say,I never had one. A lot of people at AA don't advertise who their sponsor is,so if you don't brag the fact you don't have one,most people let sleeping dogs lay..
The only AA rule is a desire to stay sober.
Fred
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by Nevertheless
They say you have to follow the simple program for it to work.
That said,if the simple program keeps you from going. It CAN'T work.
If you dread going to AA for whatever reason,try to somehow avoid that reason and go for the things you need. For me being around other people trying to do the same thing I was doing is what helped me the most.
I got sober by going to AA without a sponsor. I also havn't been attending steadily in over 4 years. I did attend steadily for the first year though. Am I on what they call a "dry drunk" ? I don't know,and I don't care. I am sober,and I am happy.
But like I say,AA can't work if you don't go,or there is something there that is making it intolerable for you.
That was a long winded way of me saying NO you don't have to have a sponsor. I am also not saying it is a good idea either. But like i say,I never had one. A lot of people at AA don't advertise who their sponsor is,so if you don't brag the fact you don't have one,most people let sleeping dogs lay..
The only AA rule is a desire to stay sober.
Fred
That said,if the simple program keeps you from going. It CAN'T work.
If you dread going to AA for whatever reason,try to somehow avoid that reason and go for the things you need. For me being around other people trying to do the same thing I was doing is what helped me the most.
I got sober by going to AA without a sponsor. I also havn't been attending steadily in over 4 years. I did attend steadily for the first year though. Am I on what they call a "dry drunk" ? I don't know,and I don't care. I am sober,and I am happy.
But like I say,AA can't work if you don't go,or there is something there that is making it intolerable for you.
That was a long winded way of me saying NO you don't have to have a sponsor. I am also not saying it is a good idea either. But like i say,I never had one. A lot of people at AA don't advertise who their sponsor is,so if you don't brag the fact you don't have one,most people let sleeping dogs lay..
The only AA rule is a desire to stay sober.
Fred
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
There are no rules. It really depends on who you ask. You're going to get varying and often conflicting answers.
It's all about what you decide is best for you. If you think you need a sponsor, then you'll probably benefit from having one.
I've worked with a sponsor and it just didn't fit me at all. I finished the steps on my own and continue to loosely follow 10-12.
I think your own motivation and willingness to stay sober are key.
It's all about what you decide is best for you. If you think you need a sponsor, then you'll probably benefit from having one.
I've worked with a sponsor and it just didn't fit me at all. I finished the steps on my own and continue to loosely follow 10-12.
I think your own motivation and willingness to stay sober are key.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 296
My sponsor says "a sick mind can not heal a sick mind", your best judgement, actions and thoughts got you to where you are today. How do you think your own mind can help you? You need help, a different mind, a person who is sober by the grace of god.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
I have one official sponsor that I
will always have as long as I remain
sober. However, what I learned from
her, I continue to apply in my own
life some 24 yrs. sober.
Over the yrs. I learned how to work
and live the steps on a daily bases
simply by attending Big Book Studies,
Step Studies, Speaker meetings,
face to face meetings.
Over the years, I continue to learn
and pick up little things in recovery
that others have found useful in their
own lives to enhance the quality of
their recovery.
I never stop listening, learning, absorbing
and applying the steps and principles in
my own life from many around me. Not
just one, but many who have paved the
way for me to live life in recovery, happy,
healthy and honest.
will always have as long as I remain
sober. However, what I learned from
her, I continue to apply in my own
life some 24 yrs. sober.
Over the yrs. I learned how to work
and live the steps on a daily bases
simply by attending Big Book Studies,
Step Studies, Speaker meetings,
face to face meetings.
Over the years, I continue to learn
and pick up little things in recovery
that others have found useful in their
own lives to enhance the quality of
their recovery.
I never stop listening, learning, absorbing
and applying the steps and principles in
my own life from many around me. Not
just one, but many who have paved the
way for me to live life in recovery, happy,
healthy and honest.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 861
Why don't you want a sponsor? You said you've had sponsors in the past. Was there something about your past sponsors that you don't want to deal with again? Is it a matter of taking your time and finding the right sponsor (or do you definitely not want a sponsor)?
Do what works for you. There are no definite rules.
I recently got a sponsor again. I've had two sponsors in the past. But I have also gone long periods without a sponsor.
Recently, I realized that lots of people in meetings don't have sponsors. I was surprised. I thought I was one of the few without a sponsor.
Do what works for you. There are no definite rules.
I recently got a sponsor again. I've had two sponsors in the past. But I have also gone long periods without a sponsor.
Recently, I realized that lots of people in meetings don't have sponsors. I was surprised. I thought I was one of the few without a sponsor.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I never had one. I don't even know where to begin to get one. and I think I wouldn't mind having one. I don't really have anyone that has the same alcoholic issues as me that can point out my nonsense to me etc..
So I guess I don't /need/ one but at times it'd be nice I think.
So I guess I don't /need/ one but at times it'd be nice I think.
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