Is It Necessary To Have a Sponsor
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by AF4good 
Who says aa is necessary? My Dr is my "sposor"
Also, if your Dr. can help you in all the things that the 12-steps cover, you have a fantastic doctor. Your a very lucky person!! John
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Originally Posted by oak
Why don't you want a sponsor? You said you've had sponsors in the past. Was there something about your past sponsors that you don't want to deal with again? Is it a matter of taking your time and finding the right sponsor (or do you definitely not want a sponsor)?
Do what works for you. There are no definite rules.
I recently got a sponsor again. I've had two sponsors in the past. But I have also gone long periods without a sponsor.
Recently, I realized that lots of people in meetings don't have sponsors. I was surprised. I thought I was one of the few without a sponsor.
Do what works for you. There are no definite rules.
I recently got a sponsor again. I've had two sponsors in the past. But I have also gone long periods without a sponsor.
Recently, I realized that lots of people in meetings don't have sponsors. I was surprised. I thought I was one of the few without a sponsor.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Justbreathe1980
I just don't like someone having that much authority in my life.
Ba**ysMama
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 91
Originally Posted by Nevertheless
They say you have to follow the simple program for it to work.
That said,if the simple program keeps you from going. It CAN'T work.
If you dread going to AA for whatever reason,try to somehow avoid that reason and go for the things you need. For me being around other people trying to do the same thing I was doing is what helped me the most.
I got sober by going to AA without a sponsor. I also havn't been attending steadily in over 4 years. I did attend steadily for the first year though. Am I on what they call a "dry drunk" ? I don't know,and I don't care. I am sober,and I am happy.
But like I say,AA can't work if you don't go,or there is something there that is making it intolerable for you.
That was a long winded way of me saying NO you don't have to have a sponsor. I am also not saying it is a good idea either. But like i say,I never had one. A lot of people at AA don't advertise who their sponsor is,so if you don't brag the fact you don't have one,most people let sleeping dogs lay..
The only AA rule is a desire to stay sober.
Fred
That said,if the simple program keeps you from going. It CAN'T work.
If you dread going to AA for whatever reason,try to somehow avoid that reason and go for the things you need. For me being around other people trying to do the same thing I was doing is what helped me the most.
I got sober by going to AA without a sponsor. I also havn't been attending steadily in over 4 years. I did attend steadily for the first year though. Am I on what they call a "dry drunk" ? I don't know,and I don't care. I am sober,and I am happy.
But like I say,AA can't work if you don't go,or there is something there that is making it intolerable for you.
That was a long winded way of me saying NO you don't have to have a sponsor. I am also not saying it is a good idea either. But like i say,I never had one. A lot of people at AA don't advertise who their sponsor is,so if you don't brag the fact you don't have one,most people let sleeping dogs lay..
The only AA rule is a desire to stay sober.
Fred
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Depends on what personality type you are.
I didn't want anyone meddling in my life either, from 08-10.
Till just being "sober" brought about suicidal thoughts again.
Hadn't had a drink in two years at that stage.
I wasn't one of the lucky ones who stopped drinking and life got better
All i did was take away the one method I had of coping with life, in hindsight, it was bloody horrible.
So I resorted back to the only thing that I knew would get rid of suicidal thoughts..... Booze.
But eventually that all went to hell again too.
Life was crap not drinking, life was crap drinking.
I decided to give the steps a go under the guidance of a sponsor.
Life's good
I didn't want anyone meddling in my life either, from 08-10.
Till just being "sober" brought about suicidal thoughts again.
Hadn't had a drink in two years at that stage.
I wasn't one of the lucky ones who stopped drinking and life got better
All i did was take away the one method I had of coping with life, in hindsight, it was bloody horrible.
So I resorted back to the only thing that I knew would get rid of suicidal thoughts..... Booze.
But eventually that all went to hell again too.
Life was crap not drinking, life was crap drinking.
I decided to give the steps a go under the guidance of a sponsor.
Life's good
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Justbreathe, I have been watching and even contributed to your other threads, so a couple of things. No sponsor should have authority over your life. A sponsor guides you through the steps and teaches you how to apply the steps to all matters in your life and how to do it sober. It would be hard for a sponsor to keep tight lipped about your current situation, I would struggle, but she should just say she is available if you need it and continue walking you through the BB and the work.
I would look at your motives for not wanting a sponsor and make sure that you aren't alienating yourself from support that you need. We isolate as alcoholics and as codependents because we don't want people to give us feedback that contradicts what we have made our mind up about doing.
Take care of yourself.
I would look at your motives for not wanting a sponsor and make sure that you aren't alienating yourself from support that you need. We isolate as alcoholics and as codependents because we don't want people to give us feedback that contradicts what we have made our mind up about doing.
Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Originally Posted by Tamerua
Justbreathe, I have been watching and even contributed to your other threads, so a couple of things. No sponsor should have authority over your life. A sponsor guides you through the steps and teaches you how to apply the steps to all matters in your life and how to do it sober. It would be hard for a sponsor to keep tight lipped about your current situation, I would struggle, but she should just say she is available if you need it and continue walking you through the BB and the work.
I would look at your motives for not wanting a sponsor and make sure that you aren't alienating yourself from support that you need. We isolate as alcoholics and as codependents because we don't want people to give us feedback that contradicts what we have made our mind up about doing.
Take care of yourself.
I would look at your motives for not wanting a sponsor and make sure that you aren't alienating yourself from support that you need. We isolate as alcoholics and as codependents because we don't want people to give us feedback that contradicts what we have made our mind up about doing.
Take care of yourself.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
There is a whole chapter on sponsorship, Working with Others.
"It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to give. That often makes the difference between failure and success. The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God."
Therefore, if you want a truly codependent sobriety, base it around meeting attendance and a controlling sponsor who will run your life for you and solve every little problem for you.
Alternatively, find a sponsor who will help you find your own personal relationship with the God of your understanding, through the 12 steps, and then set you free to help others. In the long term it is much more important to be a sponsor than to be sponsored.
"It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to give. That often makes the difference between failure and success. The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God."
Therefore, if you want a truly codependent sobriety, base it around meeting attendance and a controlling sponsor who will run your life for you and solve every little problem for you.
Alternatively, find a sponsor who will help you find your own personal relationship with the God of your understanding, through the 12 steps, and then set you free to help others. In the long term it is much more important to be a sponsor than to be sponsored.
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