steve-in-kville

I've been trying to quit for 8 years now. Each time I go into it with a different mentality, thinking I had it beat. I've got some months in me but I don't ever want to say I have it 100%. As much it is a thing of my past, it's still kinda there.

My question to those that have been sober for a significant amount of time, was there ever a place where you know you had it beat for good? Or doesn't such a thing ever happen?

Thoughts on this?

(what significant means is up for debate)

Grymt

The geographicals brought me to a meeting on the other side of the country. There was a bit of a buzz because a man who had 16 years sobriety was expected. I think at that time the longest I had was 6 months so 16 years seemed amazing. Anyway he took the podium and it wasn’t long before it was clear he was tipsy. He went on to extol the value of low alcohol beer. What a let down. That and other experiences led to a lasting understanding of ‘one day at a time’ and ‘ there but for the grace of a higher power’ and other simple AA sayings. Perhaps when those and things like that become second nature, one is ‘there’, however long it takes. For me it took 3 meetings a day for 30 days to finally kick start moving to a lasting sobriety. Yet I still had to teach my rock bottom which took another half year.

novips

After 15+ years of trying to stay clean and sober but continually relapsing, I was sitting across the table from a new sponsor who explained to me that there is a type of alcoholic for whom the only solution is complete submission to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous -- and he presented me with a way to determine whether I was that type based on my own experience. Once I realized that I was indeed that type, I committed to the recovery program of AA like never before and I haven't had a drink now in over 21 years. As they say, the truth will set you free. The promise then becomes that I won't ever drink again so long as I don't fall back into defiance regarding any of the things AA tells me I need to do (there are a number of things that are in themselves necessary but not sufficient for lifelong sobriety). As it says in the basic text of AA: "Seemingly he could not drink even if he would. God had restored his sanity. What is this but a miracle of healing?" (Big Book, p. 57). Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about any of that.

Oglsby

I feel like it now for the first time, and it has been 4 years in May. I have felt this way for about 3 years, though. This time felt different, for sure. I knew it really, really DID have to stop. You'll get there! I think it is subjective for everyone. But....I will never be complacent.

fini

steve-in-kville,
i don’t “have it beat”. i’ve been sober 17 years now, and i attribute that to a great degree to letting go of the idea there was something to “beat”. i understood it’s something inside me, this alcoholism, and i accept it, acknowledge it, and co-exist with it.
it’s not giving me any trouble.
but i respect it.

BullDog777

I knew after I got out of the hospital that I would stay sober until I die. Why? It's just basic survival in my case. The team of doctors that worked on me for the time I was there told me that I didn't have another detox in me. I was too close to death. I believed them and I know it was true. I was in ICU for more than a week, they weren't even sure I was gonna make it when I got there.

I dunno steve. I don't know if I hadn't gone into that last seizure if I would have ever gotten sober. My neighbor picked me up and took me to the ER and saved my life. It took waking up after a week of being so close to death my organs were starting to fail for me to get this. I was on the revolving door of sobriety for 20 years. I just couldn't ...well....that's not true...I wouldn't let myself get long term sobriety until I addressed why I was destroying myself in the first place.

The last time I got sober, I committed to getting the mental help I needed. I was doing therapy 5x a week and was in an IOP program too. I did that for 2 years. Then, twice a week for 5 years and this past year I'm down to checking in once every 2 weeks. In a week, I'll be 8 years sober.

There are some people I know, who get a year here, and a year there, and their life is like that for like a decade. And they can't understand why their life hasn't gotten better for the 10 years they've been sober. If you count all of the slips over those 10 years it might be 2, maybe 3 insignificant weeks that they fell off the wagon, but it stunted their recovery and they don't benefit from consecutive progress because of it. That might be why you're having an issue Steve.

The biggest mistake I see people make in recovery is that they give up on themselves. They forget the reason why they got sober or they don't care anymore or whatever it is. People have to stop giving up on themselves.

Dee74

like BullDog, my drinking nearly literally killed me so I had all the incentive in the world to change, and stay changed.

I’ve worked hard - I’m not the person I was 17 years ago.

Not drinking is no longer the Herculean effort it looked like to me - it’s my preferred state.

I just simply and humbly know I will die sober

D

dwtbd

When I realized I had to stop trying and decide to quit. Emotionally I didn't 'have it', if by it here you mean the knowledge that I would live by/with my decision, but I had to adopt a leap of faith that I would.
The mindset I was able to adopt from finding out about AVRT from the threads here on SR was fundamental in facilitating the decision. Making my Big Plan was the rational exposition of my decision, and utilizing the techniques allowed for the emotional acceptance, the ability or 'space' (as the kids say) to become comfortable with living out the decision.
It starts with a self honest desire to implement the decision and the leap of faith that the emotional stability with living the decision will 'emerge' from the commitment to living the decision.

cruiser1911

i quit drinking november 6 2017 do I have it beat, yes, with caveats. like cancer in sneaks back up on you, my wife makes an incredible rum cake I do not eat it. she has some fancy medicinal tinctures I dont touch. i will buy the booze for the party and act as bartender but no partaking. my biggest wish about drinking is that I can have the same unrestrained behavior, making an inappropriate pass, singing karaoke poorly, those types of things, without the extra condemnation, when your drunk its blamed on being an ******* drunk. when sober, weirdo creep. My biggest trigger is wild turkey, first booze I fell in love with, I will not pick up a bottle of that stuff or be around some one who has had those shots, thats sets the warning bells ringing 5 alarm fire. it sets the fires burning. when I get down mentally like i am now, long miserable winter. I come back in here and read some of my past posts of getting sober I doo not want the 3 months in hell to start over again. I dont know if I have another quit in me, and am not going to test it out.

steve-in-kville

Lots of great replies so far.

I think this concept of having it beat will be different for everyone.

dwtbd

The experience of having it beat will be different for everyone, but the operative concept is abstinence and that doesn’t have any flavors

And any mental twinge one feels from that concept is literally the AV, great threads here on SR on AVRT on what to’do’ to /with that twinge.

TiredCarpenter

Nancy Grace, in her book, This Naked Mind, writes about how her Dad made the ABSOLUTE decision to not imbibe ever again. I think there is something to this.

Logic, history, reason, chemistry, and a myriad of painful experiences might not be enough for many of us.

For me, the resolve seems important. When I value myself and intend to treat myself fairly I’m well armed.
If my esteem takes a kick I’m at risk.
If, for whatever reason, I start feeling like a loser I loose traction.

I’m currently TERRIFIED of where a drink would take me. There is an absolute truth to the horrific and painful path a drink would lead me down. It has been proven abundantly.

Having been sober for over 19 months now, and having made some positive steps in home, life, finances, wellness, etc, I’ve never, before, had a better esteem and feeling of wellness and security. I value these things and I currently value myself.
I’m not willing, today, to put that at risk by rolling the pain dice.

Offthemast

11 months in and I do not feel I have it wrapped up. Maybe I have left the door cracked and not accepted the finality of that life being over. I definitely think there is something to committing to never drinking again and not leaving that "maybe" sticking out there for the AV to manipulate.

dwtbd

Not accepting the finality is the AV trying to get You to mourn It. That It will never accept the finality, but that is not (need not) be a problem for You , let IT whine and ignore It.

InsertNameHere

I've been sober for 11 years now. Just last week I was in a gas station and found myself in the alcohol section looking for NA beer (I occasionally drink non-alcoholic beer) and had one of those intrusive thoughts of "would I go back to drinking if my wife died or left me." not sure where that came from but it doesn't matter, my response is... not automatic but almost, it takes a tiny bit of effort, but what I do is remind myself something I hold to be one of the few certainties in my life, and that is that if I start drinking again it might be fun for a bit, but in a very short amount of time if not immediately I will be right back where I was 11-12 years ago, blacking out, various stages of drunk 24/7 without enjoying it and suicidal, in a word miserable. I have to remind myself of that, and I have to KNOW that is still true. It may be that one day I forget that truth, and that is possibly the day I start down the path of drinking again, I hope to never find out if that part is true lol.

Anyway, long story short, I don't know that "I have it" forever, I know I do right now and I intend to keep it that way moving forward. The way I do that is to remind myself that if I ever don't "have it" I will in short order be back where I was in my darkest days and I don't want that.

AAPJ

For good = no

Today = yes

TiredCarpenter

Sorry,….it is Annie Grace that authored the book.
oops.

silentrun

At 6 months sober I felt something click and I finally accepted that my drinking days are behind me. That made the rest of my recovery possible but it would still be years before I trusted myself. I think more that I escaped a trap more than I beat it. I don't think of myself as an alcoholic all these years later but I know that's conditional on me staying sober. I can't imagine how I could find myself back as I am grateful I was spared worse. People relapse with decades of sobriety so I take that as a warning.

Outonthetiles

I felt "confident" in my sobriety after about a year, but I also recognize that I will always have to be vigilant.

steve-in-kville

Thank you for the great replies. I've been listening/watching a lot of podcasts on the subject. Lots to digest right npw.