tinydancer24

Hello, I am new to this message board so I'm looking for a little advice. Here's my story. I'm currently dating a guy who is an alcoholic but hasn't recongized it yet. He drinks 2 or 3 times a week which doesn't really sound like much. But there have been a few incidents when he didn't go to work the next day. I enjoy the person that he is when he's drinking but he doesn't seem to know when to stop. Once he starts drinking he begins to look for Cocaine on top of all of that. At first it didn't bother me, I'm a recovering Cocaine abuser. I am however starting to see a pattern. I don't want to leave him. I think he has potential to be sober but I'm not sure how to steer him in the right direction. He has also been diagnosed with depression. I am aware that the drinking doesn't help this condition but that doesn't seem to matter to him. I am a social drinker and wish that he could be the same way. I grew up in a bar (my mother is a bartender) so I have been through a lot of crap. I am not opposed to social drinking but I'm not sure that he will ever be able to live that life. Please help me help him. Any advice anyone has would be helpful. I am in love with this guy and plan on marrying him someday.

Hgrokit

The only thing I would remind you of is this - WE cannot diagnose anyone as alcoholic - only the individual hiumself can do that. You have a couple options as I see it. Practive love and tolerance and treat him like anyone else in the program. Tell him how you fell - not what you think he is - but how you feel and your concerns. The rest is up to him.

You can share your big book with him and offer to take him to a meeting and introduce him to some of the guys. but that's it.

finally, realize that at some point, it may be necessary for you to make a decision as to what is more important to you. Your copntinued sobriety or your relationship. Talk to your sponsor if you have one.

Anna

Absolutely right, Tinydancer. You can do very little until your friend decides he has a problem and decides he wants to help himself. True, if he is an alcoholic he will never be able to be a social drinker. Those two things do not work together, believe me, I am an alcoholic, and most of us wish we could be social drinkers, but we can't.

You say he's been diagnosed with depression, as have I. Is he taking medication? That's what worked for me and enabled me to get a grip on my life and to become sober.

Take care of yourself. You may also check out the Friends and Families of Alcoholics forum.

Love, Anna

MootPoint

As has been pointed out by Hgrokit, your friend is the only one who can determine if he is an alcoholic.

You mention he uses cocaine too. That would earn you a ticket into the Nar Anon forum as well. The ppl in the Frineds and Family of Alcoholics (where you can learn about Al Anon) and in the Nar Anon are great! I'd highly suggest you go talk to them.

Good luck and keep posting!