Soberpotamus

So today I've discovered that being a real jerk and using a grating, loud, annoying tone of voice gets people to do what you want. It's sad. But true. Not sure why it took me thirty some odd years to learn this. Maybe I wanted to believe that if you treat people the way you want to be treated, you'd actually be treated with respect... it doesn't work that way it seems.

I was able to accomplish more today by using a loud, authoritative (and very obnoxious) voice than many years of playing by the rules and acting respectfully.

Persistence, patience... and a loud, grating voice.

SoberLife2014

Yeah, it's true that the squeaky wheel gets the oil. However, I think in the long run kindness goes a long way

Soberpotamus

Who says you can't be loud and kind?

dwtbd

Only use your power for good


Evolutionarily is a testosterone thing, gravelly grating low toned snarl gets attention, witness wives asking husbands to get the dog back in the house or off the couch . My wife will plead nicely for ten minutes , I make one tonal command and gone, it's not fair man it's just evo

PurpleKnight

I have always been taught about "assertiveness" and that it's a good thing, even if at times I have disagreed depending on the context.

There is a balance though, because sometimes in life calls for listening and compassion, it won't work in every situation.

It's all a judgement I think depending on the situation!!

Soberpotamus

I tend to

Soberpotamus

PK, agreed!

Lulu, agreed... but I think I'm battling a regional phenomenon... in the south, assertive women tend to be called beeyatches, you know? I'm naturally assertive, but I think the alcohol toned it down. It actually fueled aggression.

Being sober has been interesting because I'm able to adapt much more quickly to different scenarios and personality types.

I used to not show any emotion when dealing with customer service reps or store clerks, the general public. I was all business. Now that I'm sober, I'm actually showing more emotion. I'm not really sure what my tone of voice was like while drinking, but I've been able to get more things done, maneuver through some difficult situations, and deal with some difficult people better sober.

So instead of clamming up like I would ordinarily, I'm able to show more emotion so that I don't just blow up on someone. I learned to clam up because of my family. So, having to unlearn that now. It sucks. But it must be done.

LBrain

while you're at it SJ, would you please use your power to help me get a job?

maybe I should rephrase that. GET ME A JOB!

Soberpotamus

LOL, LBrain... I would if I could

Dee74

problem is you'll find diminishing returns on that method kick in real quick, Jennie

D

Soberwolf

SJ you can convey yourself better without being loud and obnoxious

i dont think loud & obnoxious is a good look

Everything ok ?

Soberpotamus

It worked well today situationally

And I'm mostly venting and half joking and making fun, btw

Dee74

Oh I know...just trying to keep you honest Jennie LOL.

D

Soberpotamus

trachemys

When you really want something, speak softly in a high tone and reach out and touch their upper arm lightly. Works every time.

LBrain

yeah, but don't they usually pull their arm back into the shell?

trachemys

Noooo, they relax.

Nonsensical

I hear ya.

I was in the Navy for 24 years and there were far too many senior officers whose leadership style we described as 'screamers' - men who seemed to think they had to yell every time they wanted something done. If they believed it enhanced their authority they were sadly mistaken.

That said, I became somewhat senior in the organization after a while and found myself at (the predominantly Air Force) Prince Sultan Air Base when we were invading Iraq. There was an Air Force airman working for me that was...well...a ditz. Her job was to type the target coordinates into the system, I reviewed them and then hit the button that sent them to aircraft with very large, very real bombs. She made numerous mistakes (mistakes that would send the very large, very real bombs to the wrong place) and I patiently went over to her desk and corrected her a few times. The fourth time it happened I yelled from my desk, These are wrong again, you need to be more careful! Not sure why, but she argued with me about it. Not her best idea.

I stood up and bellowed at her for about 2 minutes straight. When I ran out of wind I realized everyone in the Combat Air Operations Center had stopped what they were doing and were looking at me. Until I looked around. Then they put their heads down and went back to work. Don't make eye contact with the crazy Navy dude.

The next day she came to me and thanked me for helping to get her head on right. Then she told me this long sad story about her boyfriend and having had an abortion a few months previous. Like we were suddenly besties. I guess some people just respond to a gruff voice. Go figure.

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Mountainmanbob

being loud with others may for the moment get us what we want but in the long run there may be resentments on the other side that build up to a point of no return

MM

Soberpotamus

That's a sad story, Nons... the abortion part anyway. I'm sure she must have been a little traumatized. But... um, sending missiles to the wrong target? Uh, who put a ditz in that job anyway??

Yeah, well my grandfather was Navy, and he was a screamer too. He's mellowed a little with age, but it's not something I can forget.