Nonsensical

I did. A week earlier I had her doing absolutely nothing because it was easier than fixing her mistakes, but the Colonel told me I had to give her a job. I figured data entry was simple enough.

Actually, technically I didn't have her doing nothing. Whenever I had a systems issue I would send her to tech support to request help. She was a cutie and those boys would come running in record time. I loved to see their faces when they showed up and she told them it was me who needed assistance.

Soberpotamus

Newpathway

Sometimes there are adult bullies in our workplaces. The only way to deal with them is with a stronger force. I personally despise having to do that but I've learned it's the only way to deal with them.

fini

SJ,
assertive women being called b-words and c-words is not a regional phenomenon.
and in many regions you don't need to even be assertive to be labelled that way, either.

as for your point about voice, yes, loud is equated with strong. but you can use a louder, more grating (to you) voice without being a jerk . don't know why you put the jerk-word in there? dou you feel like a jerk just because you make your voice loud and grating?

as for dogs...oh yes, very true in my experience. i have a naturally mid-range voice, and that's what i use with the dog in daily interaction. but when i need her to do something, it's a one-word command, and my voice will be firm and low. i'm telling, not asking.
the response is overwhelmingly positive

Soberpotamus

Yep, that's why. I wasn't really a jerk, but I just felt like one. I prefer to use reason and hate having to be gruff with total strangers. Some people don't appreciate reason. My crazy family taught me that lesson many years ago, lol. You can't reason with crazy.

Soberpotamus

I think this is why I have been manipulating my voice tone lately! It's Lucy... my dog She has taught me that she responds to a change in voice tone, so maybe that is what caused me to do this with people?? :P

fini

i kinda figured you hadn't been a jerk, Jennie
and no, you can't reason with crazy.

bigsombrero

I think assertiveness does have it's place - especially in recovery. I often had a hard time saying "NO" in a firm, definitive manner. That got me in a lot of trouble and helped pave the path to addiction for me. Today, I am learning that putting myself and my recovery/happiness first is important. Learning how to stand one's ground and be FIRM in both tone and body language is certainly a good skill to have in your tool box.

EndGameNYC

I've learned that a simple "No," "Stop doing that," or "Put your clothes on and get the hell outta here" suffices.

Soberpotamus

Oh my

jaynie04

I heard a linguist speak recently about two phenomena that seem to be occurring much more frequently in the way women speak. One is called "vocal fry", I noticed it a lot on Wall St. with kids who had gone to prep school…as if speaking at all required enormous effort. Google videos…pretty interesting. The other issue I definitely noticed a lot particularly with women was upspeak..ending statements on a high note as we do when asking a question.

I definitely believe vocal intonation can impart as much, if not more, than the words that are being used. I find it fascinating how much info we give away about ourselves apart from our choice of vocabulary. Of course that is assuming that one is listening to someone speaking in native tongue.

I think that regional differences definitely apply. What might be scrutinized as a bit harsh in the deep south would likely be heartwarmingly lyrical up here in the NYC area. Especially when flustered after being told to put your clothes on and hit the road!

Soberpotamus

I'm going to look that up, Jaynie. Linguistics has always interested me.

Verte

There is a small part of the US I once lived where I found this to be commonplace for both women and men. It was not universally recognized but definitely affects the way statements are received by the listener. If being taken seriously is important then the upspeak is definitely an impediment - an obstacle to overcome. Right now I am working with someone originally from this area where the inflection alone acts to cast doubt upon intelligent, well-conceived statements of fact. It is painfully challenging to hear.

OK, that sounds haughty of me.

Consider:

2+2=4.

and

2+2=4?

There is obfuscation.

trachemys

Explains so much. Sorry for all your days in the barrel.

Aellyce

I would have another word than jerk for women who tend to do this in certain situations, and some people really like it and respond with immediate obedience. But maybe better not try that on the job

LBrain

let's see, so far I got:

"what's your major malfunction?"

"your money's on the dresser."

and "That must be your partner in the wood chipper then?"

Did I miss any?

MesaMan

Perfect a Vocal delivery like Melanie Griffith in 'Working Girl'.

A high powered Gal Pal in Marketing sounded just like her. The effect this Pal had is best described by this Lyric from Don Henley of The Eagles in 'How Bad Do You Want It':

'You would walk on your Lips through busted Glass
If you could get next to that'

She was absolutely mesmerizing.

Class dismissed.

EndGameNYC

It's very difficult for me to take seriously the content of what people say who speak in this way, if not also the person herself.

"Impediment" is a good word for it. Every statement is of equal value, or equally without value, and the intended meaning of each statment is up for grabs. It's a pattern of speech that projects a lack of confidence, uncertainty, passive aggression and manipulation of the audience -- you have to pay attention to a person who speaks in this way in order to discern the meaning or importance of their words, since it's camouflaged by a linguistic sideshow. Kinda like people who speak in a very low tone so that you cannot hear what they're saying without complete and undivided attention.

It also carries with it a patronizing air and is extremely distracting. If I'd had a professor like this or had been listening to a speaker like this, I would have most certainly either left within several moments of becoming aware of it, or I'd have stayed purely for the grotesque entertainment value.

Only on Jeopardy do you stand to win if you make a statement in the form of a question.

Soberpotamus

I never had a professor who spoke that way, but I did have one who could barely speak English. His name was Dr. Lazarte. Supposedly a stellar professor, unfortunately I never got to find out for myself just how wonderful he was because I went to class for a few days and never returned! I got an A in his class though, I taught it to myself Statistics, fun times.

Soberpotamus

Ah! Ok, I know what this is now... just saw some videos. So apparently it's coming from pop stars. It is annoying. I've heard girls speak this way.

I haven't heard a lot of upspeak in person, mostly online. It's also very annoying. Here's a video on upspeak and the reasons why people might use it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdhJxAmUu3Y