Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Alcoholism Information > Alcoholism
Reload this Page >

Want To Be Mentally Tough? Stop Doing These Five Things



Notices

Want To Be Mentally Tough? Stop Doing These Five Things

Old 12-01-2014, 01:33 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Guest
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Want To Be Mentally Tough? Stop Doing These Five Things

Want To Be Mentally Tough? Stop Doing These Five Things
By CLAIRE DOROTIK-NANA, LMFT

There are a lot of ways to get stronger. Adding more resistance, adversity, or stress is one way, learning how to adapt to the challenge is another, and adopting dialectical thinking (see blog post 9/23/14) is another. Yet for all of these ways to get stronger, without removing the obstacles in our own approach to adversity, we will see little gain. So if you want to get stronger mentally, here are five things to stop doing right now.

Stop Off Loading Responsibility. Mentally strong people know what is their responsibility and what is not. What they take responsibility for is their behavior, thoughts and feelings. They have long since let go of the idea that anyone is going to make things better for them. While they know that sometimes things happen that are out of their control, they know that they — and only they — are solely responsible for how they respond to these things. You will never see them pointing a finger, blaming anyone else for “messing up their day,” “making them feel bad” or “making them angry.” Instead they simply take responsibility and accept their responses as their own, aware that these are choices they are making — and if they don’t like them it’s no one’s fault but theirs.

Stop Taking Things Personally. Those who get through setbacks and come out stronger know that these things are not personal. Whatever those around them do, they recognize is a reflection of that person’s character, and only that. Mentally tough people do not believe that anyone “has it out for them,” or “that the world is against them.” Instead, they recognize that what happens to them is the result of other people’s actions, thoughts, and feelings — which they are not responsible for. So they spend no time wondering why others do the things they do, and a lot of time thinking about what they will do about it.

Stop Forecasting. Mentally strong people — as tough as they are — know that there is one thing they cannot do. They cannot predict the future. And they don’t waste any time thinking about, anticipating, or foretelling the future. Because they know the action is right here, right now, and the future is not now. But they also know that when their mind is in the future, it’s not in the now, and they are likely to miss critical details and make mistakes — simply because they were distracted by what could happen as instead of focusing on what is happening.

Let Go Of Illusions. While we all love to dream, mentally tough people know dreams are not reality. The chances are, it will not “all just work out.” More then likely, tough people will tell you, there will be good and bad. Thinking life is “all good”, they know, is just a fantasy that promotes denial. And denying what might not be going so well is a sure way to keep it going that way.

Stop Holding On To The Past. For many of us, holding on the past would allow us to avoid loss. Yet mentally tough people know that wishing things “could just go back to the ways they were,” is a wish, and not reality. They know the past — as great as it might have been — is gone. And they also know you can’t drive a car, and you can’t go through life, looking backwards. So they accept the losses, and instead of wishing they could go back in time, think about what they need to do in the present. Because focusing on the wonderful things happening yesterday is a sure way to miss the opportunities that might be right in front of you.

Becoming mentally tough is a hard earned battle — and one that is not won overnight. And while sometimes we have to learn how to fine tune our approach and leverage the adversity, sometimes we also have to learn how to get out of our own way.
Soberpotamus is offline  
Old 12-01-2014, 01:40 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
LBrain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
absolutely
LBrain is offline  
Old 12-01-2014, 02:01 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Nice post SJ
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 12-01-2014, 05:14 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 81
This is good stuff. Some of those things I have worked very hard to achieve lately (within the past year). I still worry about the future mostly because I'm still caught up in the possible actions of others.

I guess it's like I'm learning to stay in my lane and be responsible for me, and only me. That's really all I can do, I know.

Thanks for that.
Boylan is offline  
Old 12-01-2014, 05:16 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Chillly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Denver
Posts: 244
One more..... Stop "All or Nothing Thinking"

That's my Achilles Heel
Chillly is offline  
Old 12-01-2014, 05:25 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
OklaBH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
That's awesome! I'm printing it out!
OklaBH is offline  
Old 12-02-2014, 12:28 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Indiana
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by Chillly View Post
One more..... Stop "All or Nothing Thinking"

That's my Achilles Heel
Im bad about this as well.
pulltight is offline  
Old 12-02-2014, 07:18 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Montana
Posts: 151
Thank you. I'm guilty as charged on a few of these
Fishinainteasy is offline  
Old 12-02-2014, 07:38 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Foolsgold186's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 780
Loved this. Thank you.
Foolsgold186 is offline  
Old 12-04-2014, 07:14 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 109
A great post. One I will be sure to revisit.
Newpathway is offline  
Old 12-04-2014, 07:17 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
chicory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Thank you so much for this!
chicory is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 12:05 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Guest
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
*bump*

This is a good one for people who might want to incorporate some of these into New Year's resolutions.
Soberpotamus is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 12:11 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberLeigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,777
Fantastic list, SJ.

Thanks for bumping it.
SoberLeigh is online now  
Old 01-02-2015, 12:44 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Ya**!
 
Tonks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Canada! wtf eh?
Posts: 1,123
Thank for this post SJ. Very insightful.
Tonks is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 02:33 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Zebra1275's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,840
Great post!
Zebra1275 is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 02:48 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Impurrfect's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Don't know how I missed this, but maybe today was the day I needed to see it?

Thank you!!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
Impurrfect is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 03:11 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
11.30.14
 
SarahB60's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: California
Posts: 401
nice post. thanks!
SarahB60 is offline  
Old 04-17-2015, 09:38 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Guest
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
bump
Soberpotamus is offline  
Old 04-17-2015, 11:03 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
BBQBOY's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: baltimore, maryland
Posts: 463
Great Post.....Thank you!
BBQBOY is offline  
Old 04-17-2015, 11:20 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
Thank you for this! I just emailed it to myself as a reminder :-)
JaneLane is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:37 AM.