Relapse
 

Well... I made it to the seven day mark.

Only to go out and drink five 440ml Carlseberg beers. And the same tonight plus an additional one.

Although this is nothing compared to my 3/4 of a ten glass of vodka per night, I'm very upset/angry/disappointed/frustrated/disgusted/annoyed.

I have a meeting with a councilor coming up in the next week. And a meeting with my Dr on Tuesday.

Why is this stuff so difficult to quit? :(

:c004::c004::c004:

Because you and I are addicted!!

Are you doing this on sheer willpower, as that never got me far, my mind was addicted to alcohol and wanted to drink, so alone in isolation the outcome was always the same!!

Might be time to get more support into your plan, a counsellor and a Dr is a good idea, SR is always here too for support!! :)

I'm on day 8 but I have a Drs help. Anti anxiety, anti nausea, anti diaharea, and some sleep meds to help detox. My body and mind still have a looong ways to normalcy but I am getting better with each day

I'm glad you are seeking some help this time. I found that having someone to feel accountable to helped me not drink in those early weeks. I can understand not wanting to do the group thing, I never prescribed to that either but it was seeing a Psychiatrist once a week for 10 months that really helped me. 6 months in and I started to feel odd going to him so I backed off to twice a month and then stopped all together. I never looked back after that.

I remember telling him that I didn't want to feel like alcohol was all I revolved around and a daily or weekly group session can make you feel that way. But having that one on one time with a "professional" made me feel like I would really be a loser if I gave in so I didn't and it worked.

Hi am658, so glad you posted.

Do not beat yourself up. As PK said, we are addicts. And our "inner addict" loves nothing so much as us getting down on ourselves or making ourselves feel like crap. Perfect excuse to drink, right?

Don't fall for it. When I read your post I thought of all the times I got a week or two weeks or something like that under my belt and then felt (subconsciously sometimes) that after THAT valiant effort, I certainly deserved a drink. Makes no sense whatsoever but, again, our minds don't work in rational ways.

I think support and accountability are key. When I finally decided to come clean with people in my life who loved me and knew (without too much judging) that I had a serious problem and needed help, they supported me completely. A lot of that support was being accountable. They checked in A LOT and I chose them specifically because they knew drunk me and sober me well enough to know if I was BSing them.

I also logged onto SR and came here every single night for the first six months of my sobriety. Every single night. It didn't matter if I posted or not, just reading and being here helped me immensely. I came here at least a half dozen times to "tell on myself" when I began entertaining thoughts of drinking in the first year. Worked every time ;)

Later, I found AA and went to therapy to work out some of the underlying issues that were compelling me to drink myself numb. The four-punch of supportive friends/SR/AA/therapy finally did the trick. Or it has for the last 22 months, at least.

You need to find what works for you. And be willing to go to the ends of the earth to figure it out because, seriously, this disease WILL kill you. Going it alone rarely works for anyone and, with resources like SR, the good thing is you never need to!

Good on you for getting right back on here, too. You can totally do this, keep posting!

What can you do differently for your recovery? What you've been doing isn't working, try something else. Don't give up. :)

Hey am,
Kicking this addiction hard as hell. If you relapse it's important to pick yourself up and keep going. Do not give up on your desire to be sober. You can do it. Try to learn from this relapse and how you can prevent another one. For example try to recognize that very moment when you start to think a drink might be a good idea. Be aware of it. The AV is cunning and will over take you quickly in the beginning but you can fight it if you have a good plan of action that you initiate right away. It could be something as simple as posting on SR. Many of us will be happy to talk you through how to battle those awful cravings or at least distract you till they pass.
Best of luck. You can do this.

What changes have you made to your life am?

D

Good advice above am

you got to realise alcohol is making you feel this way and the only way to stop it is to not drink at all

it will only get worse & harder to stop later dont do this to yourself

were all in your corner 24h a day

Thanks for the replies everyone - having this forum is such a help :)

I feel so bad because although my mum knew/knows I drank/drink alot, I don't think she's fully aware of the seriousness of alcoholism. Or certainly, the severity of my situation. My dad was the same as me, although he drank 1/2 bottle of vodka and half a bottle of red wine every night for 30+ years. This indirectly led to their divorce.

My dad now seems to be able to control his drinking to several glasses of wine per night! Wish I could know when to stop lol.

I feel bad that I relapsed because for the past 3 weeks now, I've had nagging epigastric pain (I was dx with Moderate Gastritis in August) and they think it's progressed to severe gastritis/stomach ulcers. Of course, when I was in A&E, I promised my mum I would stop the drinking as I thought I had acute pancreatitis (fatal in 5% of cases).

But I've broken that promise. :'(

She also drinks several glasses of wine per night... FML

Also, does anyone have any advice on also quitting smoking whilst quitting alcohol? Or should I leave the cigarettes until I'm off the booze?

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All that matters is that you realize how serious your alcoholism is. Because you are the only one that can do something about it. Your father's drinking is his issue and for all you know he's drinking more in secret - but even if he's not it doesn't really have any relevance to you. You need to do whatever it takes to control YOUR alcoholism. Have you considered local support of any kind (AA/NA, Counseling, Rehab, etc.? )