I'm Sober-so Why Am I So Angry???
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 189
I have a lot of anger issues when sober. I get mostly angry at myself. Seems all the bad things I did come back to me painfully clear, some times it takes days of sobriety and I come to remember something I did maybe several years ago and I feel angry about it.
I also feel extremely angry about many things I feel I could have achieved - and didn't - due to drunkenness.
I feel edgy most of the time, jumpy, and even simply everyday stuff can get me in a fit of rage. Think I need to turn this negativity into something productive --- hard physical training/exercise usually does a lot for me to get some of emotional the crap out of the system. But it takes some time for me to get the physical energy back following drinking bouts. I feel so drained.
I also feel extremely angry about many things I feel I could have achieved - and didn't - due to drunkenness.
I feel edgy most of the time, jumpy, and even simply everyday stuff can get me in a fit of rage. Think I need to turn this negativity into something productive --- hard physical training/exercise usually does a lot for me to get some of emotional the crap out of the system. But it takes some time for me to get the physical energy back following drinking bouts. I feel so drained.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by triegger 
After I hit about day 5 I was on cloud nine, full of energy, sleeping good etc. It was a joy to get up everyday. After about two weeks, I kinda hit a slump. Life was happening and all things incumbent with it.
Triegger
Good luck and thanks to all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 186
I too had issues being grateful for my sobriety. When I was drinking I could "put on a happy face" and go about my day no matter how I felt, until I couldn't anymore.
Our bodies stop producing the endorphins and dopamine needed to feel "normal" because we spent so long replacing them with alcohol, and it takes time to start making them again.
It's similar to a heroin junkie who doesn't get high anymore, but just needs the drug to be normal again. That's why so many doctors prescribe things like benzos when we quit. They aren't always necessary, depending on the extent of our disease, but for some they are life saving.
OUR BODIES WILL MAKE THESE CHEMICALS NATURALLY AGAIN.
It's always darkest before the dawn, and our bodies will cry out for the alcohol it is used to before it finally starts to heal itself. Think of our bodies like a small child throwing a tantrum. We can give in and give it the 'toy' it is screaming for, but if we do not, it will 'learn' to take care of itself and heal.
We can and will feel 'normal' again, some of us just have to go through hell to get there.
Stay strong, you can do this.
Our bodies stop producing the endorphins and dopamine needed to feel "normal" because we spent so long replacing them with alcohol, and it takes time to start making them again.
It's similar to a heroin junkie who doesn't get high anymore, but just needs the drug to be normal again. That's why so many doctors prescribe things like benzos when we quit. They aren't always necessary, depending on the extent of our disease, but for some they are life saving.
OUR BODIES WILL MAKE THESE CHEMICALS NATURALLY AGAIN.
It's always darkest before the dawn, and our bodies will cry out for the alcohol it is used to before it finally starts to heal itself. Think of our bodies like a small child throwing a tantrum. We can give in and give it the 'toy' it is screaming for, but if we do not, it will 'learn' to take care of itself and heal.
We can and will feel 'normal' again, some of us just have to go through hell to get there.
Stay strong, you can do this.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Old thread, yes, but dealing with anger while sober is new to lots of us. I have a recommendation that is really helping me. I'm 35 days sober now, and when the feelings I've been suppressing with alcohol come up, I know I'm at greater risk of relapse (which I have done many times). Anyway, I highly recommend this book:
The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction: A Guide to Coping with the Grief, Stress and Anger that Trigger Addictive Behaviors: Rebecca E. Williams, Julie S. Kraft MA: 9781608823406: Amazon.com: Books
The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction: A Guide to Coping with the Grief, Stress and Anger that Trigger Addictive Behaviors: Rebecca E. Williams, Julie S. Kraft MA: 9781608823406: Amazon.com: Books
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by 2012Starlight
I have a lot of anger issues when sober. I get mostly angry at myself. Seems all the bad things I did come back to me painfully clear, some times it takes days of sobriety and I come to remember something I did maybe several years ago and I feel angry about it.
I also feel extremely angry about many things I feel I could have achieved - and didn't - due to drunkenness.
I feel edgy most of the time, jumpy, and even simply everyday stuff can get me in a fit of rage. Think I need to turn this negativity into something productive --- hard physical training/exercise usually does a lot for me to get some of emotional the crap out of the system. But it takes some time for me to get the physical energy back following drinking bouts. I feel so drained.
I also feel extremely angry about many things I feel I could have achieved - and didn't - due to drunkenness.
I feel edgy most of the time, jumpy, and even simply everyday stuff can get me in a fit of rage. Think I need to turn this negativity into something productive --- hard physical training/exercise usually does a lot for me to get some of emotional the crap out of the system. But it takes some time for me to get the physical energy back following drinking bouts. I feel so drained.
but facing the causes and conditions sure helped.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 189
Originally Posted by tomsteve
im glad yer lookin at the anger problem, but do ya think hard physical training/exercise will truly help? all it did for me was tire me out, still angry, but too tired to express it, then I drank..again..and again.
but facing the causes and conditions sure helped.
but facing the causes and conditions sure helped.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
I like the fact that exercise reduces the jumpies and irritation. Also helps us to get out of our heads as a diversion to overwhelming emotions feelings, remorse, etc. As well as all the wonderful health benefits.
I have know people that have switched addictions from drugs to a work out addiction.
I feel it is important to reconcile with these feelings and emotions and the best way to do that is a little at a time, same way you would eat an elephant, one bite at a time...
I have know people that have switched addictions from drugs to a work out addiction.
I feel it is important to reconcile with these feelings and emotions and the best way to do that is a little at a time, same way you would eat an elephant, one bite at a time...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
Originally Posted by 2012Starlight
Yeah sorry. You guys have a sticky to this subject, or a newer relevant thread?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 38
Congrats on making it a month! I just hit the one month mark yesterday and I've been feeling very angry, bitter, and ornery the last couple weeks. I think part of it is because I've been drinking almost non-stop since I was 14 (I'm 29 now), with a couple years of sobriety smattered in there. Honestly, though it isn't the lack of drinking that is bothering me. Its waking up to the fact that I've been in a really unfair, emotionally abusive and unhealthy relationship that I let control my life. I've realized that my wife has Borderline Personality Disorder and I'm trying to make sense of it now that I'm sober. So yeah.... I'm angry to say the least. Hang in there! One day at a time. I'm personally looking into volunteering to get my mind off my problems and help others. That should help generate some sort of better outlook and help others as well. Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
When I got sober all the feelings I ran from where there waiting for me. Fear, anger and resentment where on the top of the list and appeared to be much more intense then when I was drinking.
I drank them away for so long I did not know how to deal with them much less want to deal with them.
When I was able to talk them through, most of them stemmed from the need to control. When I drank I felt I was in control, of what I don't know. I felt it was mine and it was the one thing I had left and I did not want to let go of it.
Once I let go of the idea that I had the power to control my life and the people in it, the anger decreased a great deal.
I drank them away for so long I did not know how to deal with them much less want to deal with them.
When I was able to talk them through, most of them stemmed from the need to control. When I drank I felt I was in control, of what I don't know. I felt it was mine and it was the one thing I had left and I did not want to let go of it.
Once I let go of the idea that I had the power to control my life and the people in it, the anger decreased a great deal.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 321
Not to sound like an AA fanatic, but the answer is the 12 steps.
In the 12 steps is contained finding a power by which to live that allows us to not drink, a fact finding inventory that helps us organize our past and our feelings into something that is manageable, action around broken relationships that ultimately leads to the freeing of guilt and shame (for the most part, we can't change the past), and a way of daily living that leads to a very satisfactory life.
Just about everything that is felt in early sobriety, and throughout the journey, is normal. People have felt it before and will after. And the cause is normally either our past or our future. Something happened, or we fear something will happen, and we don't react positively to that. The 12 steps of AA have shown me what to do when this happens, and to reduce the number of times it happens. At just over one year I don't have much to feel guilty about anymore. The biggest ones have been addressed, usually by finding out where I was wrong and doing my best to make it right. During this, I was given the power to not do it again.
I'd recommend giving it a try. Without relief, you might drink again. Our emotions can be very powerful.
In the 12 steps is contained finding a power by which to live that allows us to not drink, a fact finding inventory that helps us organize our past and our feelings into something that is manageable, action around broken relationships that ultimately leads to the freeing of guilt and shame (for the most part, we can't change the past), and a way of daily living that leads to a very satisfactory life.
Just about everything that is felt in early sobriety, and throughout the journey, is normal. People have felt it before and will after. And the cause is normally either our past or our future. Something happened, or we fear something will happen, and we don't react positively to that. The 12 steps of AA have shown me what to do when this happens, and to reduce the number of times it happens. At just over one year I don't have much to feel guilty about anymore. The biggest ones have been addressed, usually by finding out where I was wrong and doing my best to make it right. During this, I was given the power to not do it again.
I'd recommend giving it a try. Without relief, you might drink again. Our emotions can be very powerful.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by lone340
I'm on day 11 and I think I may be heading into that slump soon. I mean how long can I stay this energized and excited?
Another quick tip, telling yourself that you think you may be heading into a slump soon is setting yourself up for a slump. The mind works in mysterious ways. If you think you're heading in that direction, that's where you'll go. Instead of allowing yourself to think in the way that you are, think about what plan you're going to put in place so that doesn't happen. Remove the image of drinking and replace it with you actively working on recovery.
Here's an example:
Ugh, the Superbowl is on Sunday and people are going to be coming over and bringing alcohol and they're going to be drinking. I won't be able to drink and have fun with all of them.
Now:
I can't wait for the Superbowl, I'm making nachos and the game should be really good. It's going to be fun seeing people I haven't in a while. The best part is I get to wake up the next morning and actually be able to drag myself out of bed. That and I'll actually remember the game and not have to worry about what I said or did the night before!
I hope this helps to alleviate that slump that you no longer see coming
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Dublin
Posts: 18
Spot on 
It's how you choose to interpret the event that dictates how you feel about it. That said, doing some work on releasing the anger coming up for you can do nothing but help you long term
Best of luck.
It's how you choose to interpret the event that dictates how you feel about it. That said, doing some work on releasing the anger coming up for you can do nothing but help you long term Best of luck.
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
Hi lone340, I found out rather quickly that when I started asking myself those questions were the hardest times I had working on recovery. You can't do anything about the future, all you can do is work on recovery right now, this moment. Staying in the moment was probably one of my top ten tools for strength. When those questions started going through my mind I would remind myself that I only need to focus on right now. The relief when I did that was so helpful. If you have to think about the future, think about it as a sober future.
Another quick tip, telling yourself that you think you may be heading into a slump soon is setting yourself up for a slump. The mind works in mysterious ways. If you think you're heading in that direction, that's where you'll go. Instead of allowing yourself to think in the way that you are, think about what plan you're going to put in place so that doesn't happen. Remove the image of drinking and replace it with you actively working on recovery.
Here's an example:
Ugh, the Superbowl is on Sunday and people are going to be coming over and bringing alcohol and they're going to be drinking. I won't be able to drink and have fun with all of them.
Now:
I can't wait for the Superbowl, I'm making nachos and the game should be really good. It's going to be fun seeing people I haven't in a while. The best part is I get to wake up the next morning and actually be able to drag myself out of bed. That and I'll actually remember the game and not have to worry about what I said or did the night before!
I hope this helps to alleviate that slump that you no longer see coming
Another quick tip, telling yourself that you think you may be heading into a slump soon is setting yourself up for a slump. The mind works in mysterious ways. If you think you're heading in that direction, that's where you'll go. Instead of allowing yourself to think in the way that you are, think about what plan you're going to put in place so that doesn't happen. Remove the image of drinking and replace it with you actively working on recovery.
Here's an example:
Ugh, the Superbowl is on Sunday and people are going to be coming over and bringing alcohol and they're going to be drinking. I won't be able to drink and have fun with all of them.
Now:
I can't wait for the Superbowl, I'm making nachos and the game should be really good. It's going to be fun seeing people I haven't in a while. The best part is I get to wake up the next morning and actually be able to drag myself out of bed. That and I'll actually remember the game and not have to worry about what I said or did the night before!
I hope this helps to alleviate that slump that you no longer see coming
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