1seekinghelp

I'm in a season of many changes right now that are rocking my mental health and my sobriety. As of today I have 24 months (757 days) under my belt and I have worked through the steps totally once and reworked steps 4,5 and 11 and 12 recently. I have a sponsor and I sponsor a lady who is doing really well.

During my getting sober I was given the opportunity to return to school because I got fired from my job. This turned out to be a really good thing and I have not only gotten sober, I got the chance to go to school for a job that I have wanted for a long time. Part of my schooling is doing 3 internships and I'm in my final one with just four days left and then I graduate on Friday December 5.

There is a downside to all this joy though and here it is. My internship is a long way, 4 hours roundtrip no joke, from home and it has been really hard on me mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually for many reasons. I haven't managed my stress well and now here I am in a bit of a mess. I'm not drinking over it, but I'm acting a lot like I did when I was drinking and I know it and I need some help to get out of this spot because I hate it.

I have pretty much isolated myself from meetings, friends, and even my church which I regularly attend and enjoy. I feel completely stretched to the max and I have been on the verge of having a panic attack which hasn't happened to me for a few months so I know I'm not in a good place. I'm not excited about graduating, and I'm so scared about looking for a job. I have a licensing exam in January that I have to take and pass first, but I'm worried about getting a job and not settling for something or pushing to make something happen. I'm feeling super burnt out and I need to get back on track with my recovery. I haven't attended a meeting in over a month due to feeling exhausted and trying to keep my family up and running while I'm doing this crazy internship commute. I haven't gone to church in a month either, and that is something that is really important to me and helps keep me grounded in recovery. I guess I don't even know what I need really. All I know is that I feel crazy and stuck in my own head right now and I hate it.

On the up side, I wouldn't trade this place as much as it sucks for going back to how my life was while I was drinking. I have made it through worse places than this, but I don't want to be here any longer than I have to. Thanks for reading this, it helped me just to write it and get it out there. Being honest helps.

Soberwolf

Well done on 24 months have you spoke to a doc recently ?

i think you should get bk into mtns if they were helping

Glad you posted

CNY46ER

Slow down and breath. No need to stress. Your doing a fantastic keep it up.

Dee74

I think balance is important 1seekinghelp, and it sounds to me like you've sidelined all the things that might help you find that balance?

Go back to AA and to church - find support and use it...

and make time for you to relax...it's more than important, it's vital...

Google for some ideas about stress relief and relaxation, - find a hobby, do some guided meditation..even taking time out to watch a funny movie can help.

D