Muunray

I am the poster adult of alcoholism. Back to drinking a fifth of vodka a day.
I think I will be dead in a few or less years.
That's actually ok with me, that's the stupid part, cause I should be fighting for my life supposedly.

Lenina

Do you really want to quit? I can tell you, it only gets worse but I think you know this.

What happened?

love from Lenina

Muunray

Nothing happened Lenina. I know it gets worse. I know I am committing slow suicide cause I'm too chicken to pull the trigger.

Lenina

Well, it does get worse. Can you get some rest and regroup?

It's the hardest part, wanting to want to quit. What's the longest sober time you've had? What got you over the lump

Love from Lenina

OklaBH

that's awful! things can get better. I promise. Pour it out! Give your body a break. Once that crap is out of your system you will slowly but surely start felling better.

trachemys

I dunno. When you're sitting on the toilet, crappin' blood, you tend to give up those death wishes. When it gets real, it really gets real. Why not put down the bottle, and get some help. Go to the ER and detox safely. It's not fun but, it beats the alternative.

Dee74

Sounds like pure AV to me Muunray
Take that part of you that posted here, take that spark and fan it.

get some help, make some changes. Put the vodka down.

Nothing is ever destined - it's never ever too late to change course

D

hayley86

I used to have a fatalistic attitude about things and i thought that i didn't care about the consequences of my drinking. It was only when i ended up seriously ill with alcohol related health problems that i realized how much i did actually care and then i desperately wanted to get well. I hope you find some help and support and start fighting for yourself before things get worse. You can do it, if you want it badly enough. I wish you the best.

Hawkeye13

That's for sure.

I know what it feels like, as so many here do, to be so far down the hole you don't even want to look up, but as Dee says, that's your Addicted Voice telling you to give up.

Don't listen to it and go get some detox help.
Mentally, you can be in such a better place in even a week.
I remember the despair but honestly that's beginning to fade with more sober time.

Give yourself a chance to get better--the part of you that posted wants that and deserves it.

aasharon90

There is life after a hopeless state of mind.

At 30 yrs old, no one could ever convience
me that this would and could be so. I was
so tired of fighting a losing battle of alcohol.

Soooo Tired.

I have to thank my family for taking
drastic measures to get me help when
I couldn't and wouldn't do it myself.

After staying in a 28 day rehab facility
allowing the poison to leave my body
and the fog slowly began to clear, my
mind became open to learning to live
a better, healthier way of life one day
at a time.

I had to admit to complete defeat. I
had to surrender to the fact that I could
no longer control my drinking by myself.
I needed help. And what a relief that I
didn't have to do this by myself ever again.

Man, I took that suggestion and held
tightly to it as if my life depended on it
and literally it did.

Admit ....... Commit....... Accept

Nevertheless

Mr. Vodka is putting ideas in your head. I was the same way. While I was drinking I really didn't care. Once I was sober a while,I started to care again.
Mr. Vodka will bend and twist your mind so it seems nothing matters except keeping him happy.
You CAN get rid of him if you put your mind to it. It won't be easy. But most of the better things in life take a lot of hard work.
Getting some kind of help is the first step. If you start today,6 months from now you will find it was the best decision you have ever made.
I wish you the best.

Fred

Xtreem

If you wanted to die - you wouldn't have posted.

I know this because the last few years of my drinking I was - Drinking to Die.

I knew I would get there eventually. Then one day it hit me...I wanted to live, I just didn't want to live like that anymore and had no clue how to get from A to B. I just wanted to stop hurting and be happy.

I attended an AA meeting - started doing what they suggested.

If you really wanted to die you would have kept quiet - I think you want to live and be happy - just need help doing that.

We are here for you - use us for that.

Soberwolf

Muunray wake up before its too late

were all here bud whenever your ready

Muunray

Thank you. Smart people you are!

EndGameNYC

I've been there, Muunray. I was resigned to a painful, lonely, alcoholic death.

You've gotten some great suggestions here. It's not so much about being smart, as it is about putting down the drink and getting the help you need.

I'm more than three years out from where you are right now, and it's now difficult for me to remember the person I was. There's no reason why you can't do the same.

Hevyn

Don't you dare give up Muunray. I was drinking 24/7 when I came to SR & I understand how hard it is to see a way out. There is one though - I have almost 7 yrs. sober. You can rise up out of this and reclaim your life. We're with you.

strategery

It is possible to change your course of life if you so choose. We're here. I'm glad you posted and welcome!

Girlie928

Welcome Muunray- I am sober 9 days. 14 days ago I had been drinking a fifth of JD a day for a couple of years. I had been drinking for many years, but not a fifth a day. At least a year ago I recognized how physically addicted I was and was afraid not to drink. I assumed, no, I expected to die. My heart always pounded out of my chest. I had chest pressure. Anxiety off the charts. Sleep disturbance. My hands shook even when I was drinking. Tingling in my face. My face was red and bloated. My balance was impaired. I didn't remember most nights. A self-imposed crisis made me decide to try to quit drinking. Afraid of seizures I tapered for 4 days. Day 5 I had no alcohol and I now haven't had any alcohol for 9 days. Most of the symptoms I was suffering have resolved or diminished. I wold never have believed I would feel as better as I feel in only 9 days. I've been where you are. It gets better faster than you think. I have a long way to go but I now feel well enough to put one foot in front of the other in the right direction. You should see a Dr. for help and medical supervision. SR is a great source of support.

Jsbodhi

Like the others have said, the alcohol makes you think funny, get off it, just try!!
There's so much to live for, even if you don't see it right now.