Rehab,Therapy, and Meds. How is it?
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Tried to kill myself twice, almost made it the last time. A doctor once told me I had a death wish. Didn't expect to make it past 30 and worked hard to make that happen. There was a reason why I did not die, and there's a reason why you are still alive, but you have to stick around to find out what that reason is.
There are many people I would of not met and many things I would of not done if I succeeded. Sure, I've had to deal with my share of pain along the way, but I have also had some great experiences.
Please try thinking about the good people you've met and the great experiences you have had while you are alone. It's a sure thing you will meet more good people and have some awesome experiences in the future. Do you really want to miss out on that? John
There are many people I would of not met and many things I would of not done if I succeeded. Sure, I've had to deal with my share of pain along the way, but I have also had some great experiences.
Please try thinking about the good people you've met and the great experiences you have had while you are alone. It's a sure thing you will meet more good people and have some awesome experiences in the future. Do you really want to miss out on that? John
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 204
Originally Posted by fini 
Carbonized,
thanks for talking about where the first paragraph came from.
you're in a tough spot. but NOT too old for options. a lot of rebuilding is a lengthy and slow process, and starting with complete physical where, i hope, you can speak of your mental and emotional anguish sounds like a great first step.
keep sticking around.
anyone to talk with in person about how you are?
thanks for talking about where the first paragraph came from.
you're in a tough spot. but NOT too old for options. a lot of rebuilding is a lengthy and slow process, and starting with complete physical where, i hope, you can speak of your mental and emotional anguish sounds like a great first step.
keep sticking around.
anyone to talk with in person about how you are?
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 204
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
Tried to kill myself twice, almost made it the last time. A doctor once told me I had a death wish. Didn't expect to make it past 30 and worked hard to make that happen. There was a reason why I did not die, and there's a reason why you are still alive, but you have to stick around to find out what that reason is.
There are many people I would of not met and many things I would of not done if I succeeded. Sure, I've had to deal with my share of pain along the way, but I have also had some great experiences.
Please try thinking about the good people you've met and the great experiences you have had while you are alone. It's a sure thing you will meet more good people and have some awesome experiences in the future. Do you really want to miss out on that? John
There are many people I would of not met and many things I would of not done if I succeeded. Sure, I've had to deal with my share of pain along the way, but I have also had some great experiences.
Please try thinking about the good people you've met and the great experiences you have had while you are alone. It's a sure thing you will meet more good people and have some awesome experiences in the future. Do you really want to miss out on that? John
i'm really glad you found a way to get by in life. I just wish this would all end.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Carbonized,
phone the telephone crisis line. there's always someone there to listen. someone who cares enough to sit there, answering the phone. someone anonymous and safe.
if by chance you don't like the one you're speaking with, in a couple of hours it will be someone else.
you do not HAVE to be incommunicado in real life.
if you go to the ER, no matter that it's far away, and tell them of wishing it all would end...what do you think would happen?
phone the telephone crisis line. there's always someone there to listen. someone who cares enough to sit there, answering the phone. someone anonymous and safe.
if by chance you don't like the one you're speaking with, in a couple of hours it will be someone else.
you do not HAVE to be incommunicado in real life.
if you go to the ER, no matter that it's far away, and tell them of wishing it all would end...what do you think would happen?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
I'm just a layman, but that sounds like a profound level of depression to me.
There's some reading a full list of relevant crisis numbers and helpful forums here Carbonized.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
There's some reading a full list of relevant crisis numbers and helpful forums here Carbonized.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by Carbonized
I lose myself in daydreams about what it would be like to not be an abnormal failure. Every single day confirms my inferiority. I'm looking at one last chance to get it right. As things are now i can't picture being at this level next year at the same time. I really can't and to be honest i don't want to be alive to experience things even worse than now.
i'm really glad you found a way to get by in life. I just wish this would all end.
i'm really glad you found a way to get by in life. I just wish this would all end.
Like others here, I too am concerned with how your feeling about yourself. Have you at some time before talked with a professional about suicidal ideations? I did so myself, more than once, back when I needed to do so. I discovered a lot about myself in those talks. I wasn't as unique in my troubles as I had originally decided I was. Making changes in how I saw myself and the world made enough differences to help me be a success. At the time I was convinced I was inferior. Like I said, I was wrong.
I understand you're a year sober Carbonized. I'm thinking you expected more from yourself and life at a year? If so, have no worries on any of that okay? I too had huge expectations in my first years of sobriety. Not everything worked out as planned for me not surprisingly, lol. Still though, how I managed myself still made enough difference so as to get me past my misfortunes and troubles. Now, being decades of sobriety later, life is good and more than good as I'm able to be myself without also being sidelined by life's struggles. We all have our challenges, goes without saying. How we accept those challenges is an essential key for unlocking our most powerful personal resources. Like icebergs, there is more to our natural abilities than we can often realize when we are troubled with whatever. I have every hope you will keep the open conversation going in your thread Carbonized. Many others have felt, or still feel, as you do.
Openness and contributions from you and others won't in itself solve everybody's problems, goes without saying, nonetheless in talking things over much can be realized that most likely couldn't be otherwise, yes?
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 204
Thanks for the concern everyone, managed to hold things together a bit better at work. Still not feeling as good as i should be. Have a funny feeling like feel a tremor but my hands aren't shaking or anything. Managed to keep the onset of a breakdown away on about four occasions but noticed myself repeatedly mentally preparing suicide notes. Though i did get upset enough once to punch a wall a few times. Two days left and i'm out of here, already have ticket in hand. Have a few months of unemployment so i'll be able to focus completely on getting ready for the big challenge, provided i can get my head straight.
Never coming back to this place.
Never coming back to this place.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 204
Originally Posted by fini
Carbonized,
phone the telephone crisis line. there's always someone there to listen. someone who cares enough to sit there, answering the phone. someone anonymous and safe.
if by chance you don't like the one you're speaking with, in a couple of hours it will be someone else.
you do not HAVE to be incommunicado in real life.
if you go to the ER, no matter that it's far away, and tell them of wishing it all would end...what do you think would happen?
phone the telephone crisis line. there's always someone there to listen. someone who cares enough to sit there, answering the phone. someone anonymous and safe.
if by chance you don't like the one you're speaking with, in a couple of hours it will be someone else.
you do not HAVE to be incommunicado in real life.
if you go to the ER, no matter that it's far away, and tell them of wishing it all would end...what do you think would happen?
Just a few more days
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by Carbonized
Thanks for the concern everyone, managed to hold things together a bit better at work. Still not feeling as good as i should be. Have a funny feeling like feel a tremor but my hands aren't shaking or anything. Managed to keep the onset of a breakdown away on about four occasions but noticed myself repeatedly mentally preparing suicide notes. Though i did get upset enough once to punch a wall a few times. Two days left and i'm out of here, already have ticket in hand. Have a few months of unemployment so i'll be able to focus completely on getting ready for the big challenge, provided i can get my head straight.
Never coming back to this place.
Never coming back to this place.
I think you've spoke before of your upcoming big challenge? I remember you've tied in your success or failure with your future living or not? Set me straight on this, okay?
You know, suicidal ideations are not factually realistic in that they are based on totally subjective busted reasoning born in dire straits of serious angst. Making mentally prepared suicide notes is no small matter. I've been there myself. It's a whole other world of hurt...
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Carbonized
Phone service here is so horrible i don't even bother using one as anything other than a clock. There is no real privacy anyway, the walls in the dorms are cardboard thin. Couldn't get to the ER if i tried since i have no way to get there.
Just a few more days
Just a few more days
Bottom line you need help. Tell someone you work with that you are feeling suicidal. You have a supervisor somewhere otherwise unemployment wouldn't be an option. You are in a bad place and need help...please seek it
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
You really have a comprehensive list of why you can't do anything to help yourself carbonized. You work at a resort....are you suggesting it's so remote that no emergency medical care is an option for your guests and staff? And if the phone service is so horrible, how is it that you have ready access to the Internet?
Bottom line you need help. Tell someone you work with that you are feeling suicidal. You have a supervisor somewhere otherwise unemployment wouldn't be an option. You are in a bad place and need help...please seek it
Bottom line you need help. Tell someone you work with that you are feeling suicidal. You have a supervisor somewhere otherwise unemployment wouldn't be an option. You are in a bad place and need help...please seek it
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 204
OK everyone.
I promise that i won't physically harm myself in any way.
Couldn't have made that statement yesterday but i intend to get out of here in one piece and make it to NYC. To be specific, i'll be making an appointment for a physical the very next day after my departure from here and i intend to follow up on the mental issues. i'll admit, i don't fell like myself, but then again i'm really wondering lately what "myself" is and how to get rid or heavily modify "myself"
Just a complete personality wipe would be perfect. Have to investigate further the more extreme mental makeover techniques and if they are feasible or affordable.
I promise that i won't physically harm myself in any way.
Couldn't have made that statement yesterday but i intend to get out of here in one piece and make it to NYC. To be specific, i'll be making an appointment for a physical the very next day after my departure from here and i intend to follow up on the mental issues. i'll admit, i don't fell like myself, but then again i'm really wondering lately what "myself" is and how to get rid or heavily modify "myself"
Just a complete personality wipe would be perfect. Have to investigate further the more extreme mental makeover techniques and if they are feasible or affordable.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hey Carbonized,
good to see your commitment; good to see you feel you can stick around.
was planning to ask about what your plan is for as soon as you get out of there, and wow there is a concrete start: make an appointment.
good start.
and as soon as your phone reception is better and you're closer to an ER and mental health services (by tomorrow or Tuesday?) you can get plugged into some extra help and services.
if you decide to
if you tell a few people with healthcare or social-worker type qualifications, there's a chance you could get first-hand experience at rehab, therapy and medicines and then tell US about it.
no, i'm not being sarcastic. just that it sounds like you could use a safe place to let go of the having-to-keep-it-together...
best to you.
good to see your commitment; good to see you feel you can stick around.
was planning to ask about what your plan is for as soon as you get out of there, and wow there is a concrete start: make an appointment.
good start.
and as soon as your phone reception is better and you're closer to an ER and mental health services (by tomorrow or Tuesday?) you can get plugged into some extra help and services.
if you decide to
if you tell a few people with healthcare or social-worker type qualifications, there's a chance you could get first-hand experience at rehab, therapy and medicines and then tell US about it.
no, i'm not being sarcastic. just that it sounds like you could use a safe place to let go of the having-to-keep-it-together...
best to you.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Originally Posted by Carbonized
i'll admit, i don't fell like myself, but then again i'm really wondering lately what "myself" is and how to get rid or heavily modify "myself"
Just a complete personality wipe would be perfect. Have to investigate further the more extreme mental makeover techniques and if they are feasible or affordable.
Just a complete personality wipe would be perfect. Have to investigate further the more extreme mental makeover techniques and if they are feasible or affordable.
My suggestion is to make an appointment with a mental health professional, or even just walk yourself into a walk-in clinic somewhere, the ER perhaps?
Very concerned for your safety...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 204
Originally Posted by SoberJennie
I've read back over some of your prior posts, and I have to say that I am very concerned for you right now. Wiping clean your personality, the suicidal ideations and notes (and plans?), as well as this big make it or break it deal you seem to have going... I am no psychologist, but these are all red flags. Have you been seen by a psychologist in the past?
My suggestion is to make an appointment with a mental health professional, or even just walk yourself into a walk-in clinic somewhere, the ER perhaps?
Very concerned for your safety...
My suggestion is to make an appointment with a mental health professional, or even just walk yourself into a walk-in clinic somewhere, the ER perhaps?
Very concerned for your safety...
i really dothink i need to be institutionalione=d. sorry spelling crying nowit hurts to be alone. whole life. always on outsidenever somebody . never even had a girlfriend. no date, no kiss. have to see world go by alws losing whole life hate concept of sel. hatw body, hate self, hat me hate Med sorry dont want o disturbanyone life slow deagth. will not kill self promise. going home. need hospital but wonder why all the time now. always be on botmm forever too late bestyears prime years wasted20s30sw40salmost gone. wish for teen again chance again to do it right talk to girls and be be someone instead of n worrying rejection. gogog out alla sports, palys whatever bebebe not me. always think things would turn out =right in future, kept me going. was a false lie. failed by 19 huge monster fail destryed me have not recovr since always there fialfialfial everyine make it except me cannot look them in eye not even a fan fail as man. never even should ahve doen thisthet thie ahould aheva should have hate me faillfaill hqte just siit cry like fail wzaste like fail ieven if win so what maybe still lost best years. behind =whole world always lost lost.
sorry for this very bad feeling will not die here yet beginning to feel better have to wrk in few hours. try not to brek try to grt redy work clean pack wed morning home need to talk but don't want to mother she problem cause of all this she mother but not mother she cannot parentshe never parent i never was raised i grew alone what is love never felt it never fell wanted so bad alwys. sorry must go sorry to disturb must share keep inside for yrs never admit to anyone it hurts it huts wont die here i promise=
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by Carbonized
need hospital but wonder why all the time now.
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