kmae89

Today has been quite the struggle. I want to stop drinking but I feel like I won't be fun or "me". I know that that's truly not me, but why does it feel like that?

I feel guilty and sad that I went out last night. I went and shot pool and of course, shots on shots on shots! Today, hungover and feel horrible. I am dizzy, anxious,(that's an understatement) and don't want to leave bed. I am sure the dizziness could be contributed to being dehydrated. I just feel like I'm going crazy!! I know that I'm not, but feeling like this after drinking isn't worth it.

I went 4 months without drinking. May not seem like a long time, but it was for me. I got a clear head and was thinking rationally. I told myself "i'll never let myself get like that again" and what?! I'm here AGAIN. I am only 25 years old and can't believe this is happening to me!


I am sorry for rambling but honestly, I never tell people how I feel and this is all bottled up right now. Addiction hurts. Not just you, but even those around you. I want to be a better mother for my child. I want to get sober so bad but why is it that all my friends and situations have to involve alcohol? I know that I am fun without it but why can't I be myself around people without it?!

I could use some support right now. I don't know what to think anymore. This doesn't cover anything with how I feel right now

tomsteve

This could be a very good lesson for you.
Look at the " I won't be fun or me" thing ya got there in the beginning of yer post.

Then go down a bit and i read ya say sobriety was for you,had a clear head, and was thinkin rationally.
So there's some delusional thinkin there that alcohol makes life fun and the three you comes out when drinking. That's all a lie that alcohol does.

What were you doing to stay sober for 4 months? Did you do anything more than just not drink or did ya do some work on you and finding out what makes you tick??

andyroo72

Hey kmae89,

I hope you're feeling better. I'm doing lots of thinking at the moment about exactly why I drink (obviously :=]) and the 'I'm only fun/ I only have fun when I'm drunk' line is totally there too. I think it's ******** though. Aside from the fact that, for me, fun drunk veers into hideous drunk very quickly, I'm really not sure whether the experience of being drunk is that fun at all. It's disorienting and giddy-making and I'm not sure if I like being on autopilot like that. It's also totally inauthentic. Am I actually having fun, or does it just look like it. I know for me, that alcohol creates a facade that others may like, but ultimately it's soul destroying for me. I dunno, I'm beginning to think that I've associated alcohol with good times without there being any substantive reason for doing so.

I dunno, just stuff that's been going through my head recently :=] Take care.

kmae89

I was in legal trouble. The past two 1/2 months I was incarcerated. The previous, it was because I was on probation. I never felt better when I was sober. I really did find out who I was as a person. I was happy, silly, down-to-earth, very kind... now I just feel horrible. I mean I was anxious but honestly, alcohol has made me more anxious in the end. I am going to go tomorrow to get help with anxiety. It is definitely the hardest part right now. I feel like a spaz. I do not want to take benzos because that turned into a problem too! I was doing just fine without ALL of it. I feel guilty, ashamed, and disappointed in myself right now

kmae89

Failed to mention that I was incarcerated because of drinking. I had one DUI, violated probation because of drinking and had to spend time in jail. BUT, here I am again, drinking. WHY?!

Dee74

I think most of us felt that way. I drank for 20 years. My drinking defined me.
But, when I quit, I found a me I'd forgotten about.

I'm more authentically me than I've ever been...and I have more fun now sober than I ever had before.

It took a lot of change...but things I lost from my life are things I've not missed it all.

I hope you decide to give it a concerted try kmae

D

Soberwolf

I thought the same and was so wrong it hurt i was drinking a litre of vodka a day

first time ive gotten sober im currently 16.5 months sober & on wednsday i turn 500 days sober

if there was nothing in it or i feel it wasnt worth it or i wasnt happy or if i didnt feel like 'me' do you think id stay sober ?

trust me reclaim your life you dont need alcohol to be you....you need you to be you...my friend

pm anytime bud good luck

kmae89

thank you so much. A lot of it is the anxiety and makes me want to keep drinking to rid the anxiety. When in the end, causes more anxiety!! I know, sounds silly. But CONGRATS!! that's great! I wish I could say the same. 4 months and I felt so much better. I think it's time to get sober again. Emphasis on 'again'

Kensho

I’m an alcoholic. I don’t want to be an alcoholic—but there’s a sizable amount of empirical data (namely my mental and physical behavior vis-à-vis alcohol) that, upon examination, indicates otherwise.

I don’t know what all the physiological/psychological theories are about what causes it; I suspect the causes are complex, with the specifics varying from individual to individual. I don’t really need to know. But taking the idea of allergic reaction, even as a metaphor, seems somewhat descriptively accurate—and a lot of people seem to have found it helpful to think of it that way. In any event, there seems to be some physiological component to the “why” of it—and to the craving, that goes beyond other allergic reactions (e.g., to peanuts). And so, I come to think no more of it than if I were to say, “I’m a diabetic”, etc.

And that way of understanding it does three things for me: (1) it removes such things as shame and self-judgment about it; (2) it tells me that I can’t drink—at all; and (3) it tells me that I need some sort of intervening program to deal with it (other than will-power), just as I likely would if I were, say, diabetic—whether that program be AA or some other program of treatment/recovery.

I have no advice. But, if thinking about it along those lines is helpful—and perhaps leads you to a program of sustainable recovery, whatever that might be—then I’m glad.

Be well.

Rina

I'm naturally wound too tight myself but I'm realizing that having anxiety as an alcoholic is not so unique! I felt I couldn't be fun me either without the drink but the more I talk to those around me who are not alcoholic, they were more worried about me while I was drinking than having fun with me. Plus, I hadn't had fun while drinking in a really long time because the compulsion to drink until blackout and the aftermath were inevitably always horribly negative. I got a DUI too six months ago and I don't ever want to be on probation again. My anxiety is a daily struggle but I have found a lot of support in AA and I can call my sponsor every day to talk me through my thoughts and its gradually getting better. I don't want to go on Benzos either because I know I will abuse them too. Have you tried AA? If not can you see a therapist? If you have the desire to stop you can do it! There is lots of support here! I hope you continue to post and feel better!

huntingtontx

I feel guilty and sad that I went out last night. I went and shot pool and of course, shots on shots on shots! Today, hungover and feel horrible. I am dizzy, anxious,(that's an understatement) and don't want to leave bed. I am sure the dizziness could be contributed to being dehydrated. I just feel like I'm going crazy!! I know that I'm not, but feeling like this after drinking i
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I think I am missing the fun part. Guilty, anxious, horrible. Not fun. Just saying. You did it for four months so you know you can do it. Just start over. We are all here for you. Good luck buddy, and remember, you are never alone here in SR. We are all here with you.

Jsbodhi

I stopped having fun drinking a long time ago. I've spent months waking up in a panic after my binge drinking wondering what I did. So embarrassing.
I think you should stop with the self hate, realize you made a mistake, don't dwell morbidly on it, you had 4 months, that's awesome!!!! Be proud of that, and just move forward. You're not horrible, you just made a mistake.