andyroo72

Hi there,

I don't post too much here, but SR has been a huge part of my support since I got sober about five months ago. About two weeks ago, I decided that it would be incredibly clever to drink wine with a friend. Since then I've been blotto most of the time, made the usual muck ups, lost my phone, etc. You know the drill.

Sunday was the last time I drank, and it was only half a bottle to try and stop the jitters. It's been pretty hellish and I still feel poisoned. I'm down and uncertain whether I can do this but strangely determined at the same time.

Anyway, I just wanted to say hi again and touch base and suchlike.

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, andyroo.

Sorry to hear that the last two weeks have been so difficult for you but glad to hear that you amassed five months of sobriety.

Glad to hear that you are going to give sobriety another try.

Dee74

Hi andy- welcome back
yeah it never gets better, only worse.

Do you think you need to do anything different this time?

D

zjw

thats not bad. just push through the next minute hour day. I used to look forward to bedtime some days just so that i could go to sleep and start a new day again. i new the fight would be even easier the next day if anything.

hang in there and push forward. Chime in here if you feel like it might be getting the best of you. people will try and talk you off the edge WHICH you may not want to hear becuase you may really just want a drink but if you do and you listen it'll be one more win for you and one more day under your belt etc..

andyroo72

Thanks guys :=] Another sober day is almost over, which actually feels almost good, even if I don't.

Dee- I suppose if I don't got incredibly drunk that will help :=] Actually, if I'm not being silly it's a hard question to answer. I'll try, though.

Weirdly, I do believe 'not picking up the first drink' is a useful way of looking at it. In terms of that, I had a friend over who was drinking and I just joined in. Yep, pretty farkin stupid, but at the time it made sense. I seriously over-estimated myself. From now on my place is alcohol free cos I can do that :=]

I also got pretty lost in my recovery and I'm still pretty unclear on exactly what was going on. I'd been going to AA and trying really hard with that and, to be honest, I think I invested a lot of energy in the wrong place. AA just isn't going to work for me as the total solution it appears to be. I think I saw it as a magic fix, do the steps and bingo. Actually, that's how it's been 'sold' to me. Suffice it to say that my recover needs to be different, more eclectic and emphasise different things.

I've got an appointment to see my counsellor tomorrow- I'll use that as a way of fine tuning this stuff a bit (or more like a lot) :=] Thanks.

Dee74

Just to satisfy my curiosity - how far did you get into the steps Andy?

D

andyroo72

I didn't have much luck with sponsors, so only step 4 in an official way. The first 3 steps didn't really feel they way they should. I'm a Christian and it was really just a matter of strengthening my relationship with God. A cool thing, but more of a lifestyle choice than a series of steps. Truly, I didn't think steps 1-3 went far enough.

Although I didn't 'work through' the steps further than that, it just didn't gel. For example, step 9 is something I've done continually throughout my drinking career. I've f***ed up many times, but I've always tried make it right with people. Not because a book tells me to, but because it's the right thing, I feel.

I dunno- I don't mean to sound like a negative Nancy. I feel like I've started off pretty prejudiced towards AA, given it a real chance (I think) and come back to the same place but for different reasons.

Maybe some of that makes sense :=]

Dee74

Well I'm not in AA so I don't have a horse in this race, but it seems to me that if steps 1-3 were simply reinforcing what you already knew, maybe the meat of the change is in steps 4 onwards?

Maybe doing step 9 could be different if you do it after having done steps 4-8?

Just playing devils advocate

But if not AA, what?

what's going to be the bulwark, or the back line, of your recovery?

D

andyroo72

That is a huge question. I'm not sure if I've got a huge answer, or any answer that's even slightly (vaguely?) complete.

I think getting closer to that answer is what the next few weeks will be about. I'm pretty eclectic in pretty much everything and I pretty much know that my recovery will be cobbled together. Kiwi ingenuity and all that :=]

andyroo72

Hey thank you Dee for paying an interest and asking stuff, I really appreciate it.

If nothing else, the one thing I'm totally solid on is that my home is alcohol and drug free, not negotiable. I simply can't survive without that sort of refuge.

Akita

AA was not my cup of tea. Have you looked into Life Ring? Their website has a chat room and there are also online meetings. I find the live chat to be useful. They also have a workbook.

sugarbear1

Priests, nuns, ministers attend AA, so those steps must be more than what we think.....

Gottalife

There's this nice old guy who attends our meetings. He believes he has a strong faith and a great relationship with the God of his understanding and therefore does not need to take the steps and commit to the AA way of life. Unfortunately his God is not keeping him sober more than a few weeks at a time. Half measures availed us nothing. Like taking half a course of antibiotics, they don't work like that. Faith without works is dead.