Spybee007

I keep breaking my promise to not drink. I change when I drink and all I want to do is argue and be verbally abusive to all of the people that love me. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy, I push everyone away on my own, but blame them.

I keep promising my girlfriend I'll stop and it's been like a year of broken promises and so many arguments and fights. I swore up and down on Sunday that I would never drink again and here it is Wednesday morning, hung over and feeling that regretful feeling of drinking and her knowing I drank. I always feel like I can stop the day I'm hungover and then 3 days-2 weeks go by and I want to drink again and I can't just have a couple. I thought I could do it on my own, but I guess I can't. I feel like I can't do it.

SoberLeigh

We are here for you, Spybee.

Many of us thought we could do it on our own. . . . Glad you are reaching out for support.

ubntubnt

well you post sure does sound familiar. I have been in exactly this position for many many years and tried all sorts or rules to try to cut down or stop or change or limit the damage. But as soon as the hangover is clear and I get my energy back I am ready to go again and can't wait to hit the bar or wine shop.
4 days ago I decided to stop faffing about and just stop...permanently....no excuses...just a full on hard stop. Deep down I always knew this was the only way so maybe this is something you can think about. Had I done it years ago it would have saved me a marriage and much pain.
Seems you may be paying lip service to stopping but have not really taken that leap yet...then againI am in no position to talk. Just sharing my experience.

thisisme

Admitting the problem is an excellent first step.
Seek help. It's there. AA, smart, Carr and on and on.
Millions suffer from this and many have overcome it.

It can be done. We are proof.

Best.

IOAA2

Hi.
My lifesaver is AA because when I finally plugged the jug there was no internet or other ways except institutions like state hospitals. Rehabs were all based on AA workings and it worked for over 50% who arrived at the doors and were greeted by people who understand and help us.
Today it can be as successful as it was 50 years ago IF people work the program and others as it’s laid out. Far too many want to do it their way and the results become more miserable every day forward followed by a slide into the most horrible deaths imaginable. As was said on an early TV program “Just the facts Mam.”

BE WELL

Gottalife

AA was the easiest way I found to recover. But it was my last choice. I tried everything else that was available first. That included medication, counselling, self help books, sheltered accomodation, geographical shifts, different jobs, and not drinking one miserable day at a time.

I think my failures at other methods helped me in committing to a simple program of action in AA, the very last resort.

I dont know why I was so against AA, it would have been easier for me to go stright there. but, on the other hand, AA doesnt work if you are half hearted about it, so perhaps the only reason it worked for me was I was left with no other options.

countrygirl2014

I was so against AA. I swore it made me drink. I hated it. This is my third time through. It IS a dramatic difference. I still hated it. All that god talk and everyone seems so happy and normal...I made myself go. I stopped drinking and kept going. And a few weeks ago, I had an "ohhhhhhhh" moment. Now all the stuff I hated I am starting to understand. It's all making sense. Walk the walk. Just keep doing everything and don't drink. Once you give your brain some time to heal you will understand.

Jennifer

doggonecarl

The person you have to get sober for is YOU, not your girlfriend, though I'm sure she would benefit from your sobriety. Until you are ready to be sober for yourself, you will continue to play lip service to recovery.

Fly N Buy

Yes, you can!!
Glad you're here and posting......All of us went through it.

Read old posts, get some ideas of the HOW TO's and you can be successful

Keep coming back!

FlyN

Spybee007

Thanks so much all, I appreciate all that you wrote and especially on a day like today. It helps knowing that I'm not all alone in this addiction and it's a feeling of hope reading that you all have pulled yourselves out of the dark days of drunken hell. Did any of you turn into a completely different person when you were drunk? I seem to turn into a selfish persistent jerk who seeks drama and to criticize people when I drink, yet when I'm sober I am the exact opposite, so people say. I resonated with the last comment about AA and how it's my last resort. Everything else I've tried has failed, so I'm going to go to a meeting tonight and go all in. It's just the worst feeling when you want to do the right thing and promise it, but then break that promise and now no one believes a word you say.

least

Get help to get sober. My help was seeing an addiction counselor and daily visits to SR. Why not give AA a good try? What have you got to lose?

Fly N Buy

The Jekyll and Hyde syndrome is common among us, yes!
I found in a short time AA to be wonderful and not cause I have to

Now I go for the program and the fellowship......Many find this of great assistance. Only suggestion is commit to a few weeks of meetings before judging. Look and listen for similarities not differences.

Keep posting!!

Aiko

Sorry you are suffering Spybee!

You need to take it seriously your alcoholism!
I have lost friends...and your girlfriend one day will have enough!
I got a friend that gets aggressive and I avoid her like hell!

You can not do it on your own you need to get help!!!
Give a try to AA, is not that scary when you are there!
Go to an addictions centre, to an addictions psychologist...

Life sober is achievable!!!
If you need help ask for it!!!

Wastinglife

I also turn into an a**hole when I am drinking. I become belligerent and obnoxious. I give unwanted attention to women and fight with the guys. Sober, I am a laid-back and somewhat introverted guy. I hate who I become. Well, I know the solution. No drinking period.

Dee74

Hi Spybee - glad to have you here

Obviously your gf wants you to quit...you need to work on why you quit.

I was sick tired and disgusted of the person drinking made me.

I had to understand and accept I couldn't control it...I had two settings - either me or jerk.

I also had to accept that it was the first drink that got me that way, not the last...without the first drink there is not last one, yeah?

D