The Train Wreck That is Me
 

In lieu of posting a long, articulately written story about my life (which I would love to be able to do someday), I figured I would just showcase my ADD and highlight the main points.

- Almost all of my family members have some type of mental disorder or addiction. My uncle literally drank himself to death. Literally. I remember drinking his disgusting whiskey at 12 years old. I also remember him dying when I was 17 years old because he endured multiple diabetes-alcohol related seizures. The man was literally brain dead, I mean, my grandma had to tie him to a chair with a sheet because he was beating the hell out of her. My grandpa handed him a folded piece of paper and told him it was a time machine. He was toothless, sick, and died alone with all the shame of the whole family.

- My own parents weren't worth a damn growing up. I have countless memories of abuse and neglect, but some of the worst involve my mom. In particular, one of her wrapping my entire head in masking tape for her amusement and me subsequently not being able to breathe. Her bright idea was to wet the tape which in fact just filled my masking tape headdress with water and almost drowned me. Luckily there were scissors nearby and she cut it off before I died.

- I started drinking when I was 13. I vehemently denied using marijuana because my dad did "drugs"; I found his weed stash in his room in 6th grade, but in hindsight, it was the least evil of the things he did.

- Also at 13, I nearly died from alcohol poisoning. I was in ICU for days, but then went home and all was fine until the next, and next, and next hospital visits.

- I'm realizing now that there are tons and tons of bullets I could make.

- What am I truly trying to say here? I'm not sure. It's a bad story, I know, but I think the background has a lot to do with my personal psychology as an "adult".

- I've done every drug I could ever find. My loves were pain pills, alcohol, and self-harm.

- I've been hospitalized for months because of self-harm injuries, some involving guns.

- I still sometimes believe I'm capable of being a normal human being but I'm not fully convinced.

- I love reading stories here of other people who have endured far worse and achieved much more. I always tell myself there are people out there who are worse/have it worse/have done worse/have felt worse and have done so much more than I can even fathom. It doesn't demean me, it gives me strength.

- I don't like pissing contests for bad lives. I feel like everyone who is here has had it bad, and oftentimes the outward context is no comparison to what people have felt in their minds.

- One day I hope I find the key to helping myself because I would devote my life to helping others. I truly believe that I would be a poster child for "if I can do it, anyone can".

- I have never had any run-ins with the law and I'm truly amazed. I saw where two of my friends from middle school accidentally exposed their children to drugs or actually killed the child and I just can't fathom how someone could get that deep.......... but the sad part is I totally understand.

- The pieces of Under the Influence on this site have given me an awful lot to think about. I'm such an over-thinker.

- I'm not looking for pity or cheers... just another story from another broken person. Maybe someone can relate.

- I'm here.. I feel like I'm in the right place. I'll keep browsing. This is my first post... so bear with me. I read several of COW's posts and they made me laugh. I like it here.

-Until the next..

Welcome Everysingleday. A couple of things I see in your post worth noting.

1. you can be a normal human being, whether you are convinced or not. It is a fact that anyone can live a normal life free of subtances if that is what they truly choose and want. You will see stories here of those who have overcome horrifying pasts to do just that. You can too.

2. You are in the right place. Read and ask - part of getting sober is seeing how others do it and and asking how you can.

Again, welcome and don't be a stranger.

Welcome, everysingleday, to SR.

I had a perfectly normal childhood. Yet I abused drugs and alcohol, got addicted, became an alcoholic.

I also got clean and sober. So can you.

Then you can address the sadness that was your growing up.

http://i1375.photobucket.com/albums/...ps9480c9e8.jpg
Hey everysingleday- Welcome!

I just wanted to throw some support out too. I read through what you've posted and I can see that you've had your fair share of 'life.'

I hope you do find this site a good place for support. There's a lot of it in here. I think everybody has the ability to move forward in the direction they choose, if they choose to, however I know it's not always easy. With the help of friends, family and support, it CAN happen. I really hope it can happen for you.

I think that you are in the right place too, and I look forward to seeing you around.


Lusher

Welcome :)

SR is a great community. Hope you do decide to stick around. And I'm a fellow Cow fan myself.

Anyway, glad to have you here!

Welcome to Sr Everysingleday

Welcome to the family. :) SR is a great place for advice and useful info. I'm glad you joined us. :)

It's very healthy that you see how you grew up and you definitely don't want that life for your future or your kids' future.

Sobriety starts one day at a time. Definitely hang around here! This place is inspiring, and posting when you're lonely and tempted can really rescue you from the brink!

Welcome to SR :)

D

welcome :) Hope you decide to stick around awhile!

Pleased to meet you ESD. :) We all get it - and we're all in this together. Yes, you're definitely in the right place.

good to see you, ESD, and great to read your tagline that you're not ready to give up!
coming here is a great step!

Thank you for your story. I feel like your title sometimes too. SR is a fantastic place. Glad you came here.

Welcome.
Your story was a great share for all who have struggles. I'm grateful I was able to read it and all the following replies.
SR is a fantastic community for people seeking fellowship with their life struggles & recovery path.

:grouphug:

Thanks for posting, and welcome to SR.