Grateful2BHere

I haven't posted in a long time. I live in an area where there are not many recovering alcoholics. We have two meetings a week with about 7 regular members. There is a larger city about two hours away by train and I sometimes attend a Saturday meeting there. Because there are so few women who have long term sobriety, (I have 22 years), I and another recovering woman from that city are sponsoring each other. We have been working together for a little over a year now. I am retired so have more available time than she does. She works part time. So when she calls for guidance I am almost 100 percent available to talk and sometimes for up to an hour. However, when i am the one needing to talk, which is roughly half the number of times she typically needs, she is seldom available when I call. It's always, can I return your call later? She is always busy and when she calls back, it is on her speaker phone in her car and the sound is awful. I can barely hear or be heard. I seldom keep her on the phone for more than 20 minutes, usually it's around 10 minutes.
I have just completed another fourth step inventory. Not my first.....so not that long. She gave me a choice of Tuesday afternoon or weds. morning.I chose weds morning bc morning is the best time of day for me. I was to take the train there. Yesterday she emailed me to say that morning is not good for her due to rush hour traffic so could we do it after lunch? After lunch is the worst time of day for me....energy wise. I wrote her back that I could do,late morning, would that work? I told her that if it does not work, that is really fine, can you please let me know today so I can ask someone else as I want to do the 5th this week?
That was yesterday .....no response. I phoned her this morning. No answer.
So I emailed her saying that I felt dropped and sad that she hasn't gotten back to let me know. No response. It is evening here.....that was hours ago.
We are both in our 60s......and this feels like I am in high school.
I would appreciate your thoughts. There is someone in my community I can ask. I like my current sponsor but feel like she has little time and always trying to "fit me in".

OklaBH

22 years is amazing! You should be a sponsor! Lots of wisdom for you to share

Grateful2BHere

OklaBH

You're amazing!

SoberLeigh

Congratulations on your sobriety and your sponsorship activities; really impressive!

Pagekeeper

If there is someone else in your community, then it may be worth changing sponsors. Sometimes a change is good. You get a new perspective. Plus it sounds like you are wanting a sponsor who is more available and ... reliable. Congrats on your sobriety and let us know how the sponsor-thing works out!

Nevertheless

It kind of sounds to me like you don't have a lot to chose from.
It also sounds like the sponsor you have chosen doesn't take this as seriously as you do. Or perhaps she is having problems she isn't telling you about?
If you can find a better sponsor,then sure. Why not.
I think this falls under accepting things we cannot change (you cannot change your current sponsor,she is who she is) And changing the things we can. The AA I used to attend,it was not unusual for people to have more than one sponsor. And it kind of sounds like your current one isn't doing that bad of a job?
Why not have more than one?
Just a thought.
Fred

Grateful2BHere

Thanks so much for your helpful responses. I heard from her......finally. She is more than willing to meet in the morning.....reassured me that she is committed and wants to put in the time. But I am going to look for someone else also. That is a great idea. Then I won't be so dependent on one person.

RumHound

Maybe think about having two sponsors, if the scheduling difficulties persist.

Gottalife

Why are you still knocking out fourths and fifths? Don't you practice ten and eleven? It is there that a totally reliable permanent sponsor can be found. There are always plenty of people to talk to in AA about general life stuff, and if you really want to do another fifth, how about a priest. They trained to hear it. But a sponsor is no substitute for the God of your understanding.

Grateful2BHere

Thanks very much everyone. Mike, I'm sure you are right. Because no, I haven't been practicing a good 10 and 11 over the years. Early on, I would do a 4 and 5 every New years eve and it was wonderful. Then life got good. I became complacent, rested on my laurels. Didn't even sponsor very much. Been living like a dry drunk for years. Surprised I haven't picked up but I've thought about it. Was not even aware this was happening until I went to an AA conference a couple of weeks ago. One of the speakers talked about inventory. I'd been working on one but hearing her talk about the relief it brings lit a fire in me. Then I came home and started listening to speaker tapes. Heard some amazing folks with long term recovery say that working 4-9 every two years is a must for them.
I think you are right though, because if one does a thorough 10 every day, there is no need to go back. My pride is killer and I just could not allow myself to see how deep in resentment I was getting. Began the blame game in my head over other drivers, my husband, the sales clerk, my sponsees, whomever pi$$ed me off that day was to blame for my agitation, impatience, misery. Then I lost two siblings a couple years apart, retired, had a botched cataract surgery, and the losses almost killed me......one after another.....there was no God in any of it. Thank God for this program that I did not pick up because there is nothing in my life that a drink is going to make better. I just didn't see how working the steps was going to make any of this go away. Working this 4th is already brimging me back to the God of my understanding. I'm so grateful.
Again, thank you all so much for sharing.