anattaboy

A little back story: My wife and I have been sober almost 5 months. Her brother expressed an interest back in June so we started doing a weekly "family meeting". We used AA, CR, Louise Hay, and some of my Buddhist materials and it went well 3 or so times. Since early October we've been out of touch. He went to Jamaica on vacation and drank normally and says he is now a moderate drinker.
Recently he also did some remodeling and was giving us some beds and stuff that required a truck to move. I didn't want any of this stuff but I'm half of this unit and it was family... So we rent a truck, drive an hour, get there and start loading. He complains his knee is out from training to be a corrections officer so I was worried cuz the stuff to be loaded was heavy.
We got everything loaded and he had a flagpole he was trying to get up and I offered to help. He had already cemented the base with 1 bag of concrete and I noticed the base may be a bit out of level and need shimming to make it right. We take off to the hardware store. He got another bag of concrete and some bolts and washers. I can smell beer now. We stop for a 6 pack on the way home and he fills my van with gas. I say thanks. I secured the base with shims to level and he brings out the flags. All he has is bare rope and I'm not a flag specialist so I say I will have to google it, maybe some other time. I had a truck and an overnite guest of daughter's to get home.
I left and on the way home with a full tank kinda feeling guilty that I didn't stay another hour or so and helped get the job totally done.
. I was kinda annoyed at the smell more than anything. His demeanor was different too but I'm sure I have some buried judgement of his "moderate drinking" but I had to go.
I've called to say I could come back and help today but they have plans. I'm sure I was a bit selfish-I'm not happy with how I handled this one.

dirk626

Don't you think he could manage putting the flags up? It's his project and he sounds reasonably capable. Maybe not as handy as you. I have always put myself in a position to take responsibility for other people. Even when I have nothing to do with their problems or situation I start to think about all of the things that I should have or could have done that would have helped them. I read once that people prone to addiction and alcoholism tend to be that way. I don't know if that's true or not, but it is the way I tend to be.

You aren't responsible for your brother-in-laws flag pole my friend.

Nevertheless

Iduno,kind of sounds like things went pretty well to me.
You went and got some "stuff" you didn't really want in the first place.
The concrete had not set yet. Doesn't really sound to me like it was ready for a flag yet anyway.
You stayed sober,he did not. THAT is the important thing here. While 5 months is very commendable. The dust has not completely settled yet.
Sounds to me like there were no harsh words said,no fouls committed.
I know when I was sober the first year there were a LOT of times I wasn't sure if what I was doing was right or not. But the fact is,when I was drinking. I did things that would have pissed the pope off,and never really even gave it any thought.
Sounds to me like you are doing just fine. When it comes to sobriety,there is no such thing as selfishness.

Fred

Jipsee

You did good

Dee74

what do you feel you could have done better anattaboy?

D

OklaBH

No way my friend ! You drove an hour, rented the truck, etc... You've done plenty. You have a big heart !

freshstart57

Is there an assumption that you have made, anataboy, that makes you feel uneasy when you run today's events through it? If you want to get all serious about this, start writing them out. Some possible examples are, I always must say yes when someone asks me to do something. Or, I must always avoid not finishing someone else's job. Or, I must always.....

The next step is to look at each one of these, and decide if they are reasonable assumptions. This can help to let this event slide away into the past, while you congratulate yourself on meeting your daughter's expectation.

I think you done good too.

anattaboy

Thanks for the replies. My internet was down for a day so I'm just getting back. I am ok with my decision. It may go different next time as I'm still learning.