I think I accept it, finally.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Toronto
Posts: 23
I think I accept it, finally.
I can't drink anymore.
I'm seeing a specialist for some endocrine problems and I got told last week that my blood pressure is high enough for me to have a stroke. I'm to record it once a day and do everything I can to lower it. Only I know why it is high - I've spent the better part of 20 years either drunk or hungover, raging drunk or unbearably dehydrated and sick.
I'm on Day 6 now. Sometimes I feel ok, sometimes I want to bawl my eyes out, punch walls, jump out a window, scream. My BP is already down from the scary place it was last week, but I have a long way to go. I went for a walk this morning before the cold rain set in, which helped me feel that at least if I only did one good thing today, I at least did that.
I've also spent 20 years trying to be someone I am not. I married a wonderful man whose family disliked me from the start because I wasn't what they envisioned their only child marrying. I've spent 20 years trying to be better, calmer, more capable. I tried to solve that with alcohol and for awhile it made me feel better, and then slowly it started taking everything from me until it was all I could do to walk down the street - the nameless dreads and fears took over and I felt like all the demons in hell were after me.. only me.. and that other people could see what I was - someone who just shouldn't be.
It's only been six days - I keep telling myself that. I can't expect to feel anything like OK yet.
Thanks for the warm welcome you gave me when I posted here a few weeks back. I hope to be here often.
SeekingNewMe
I'm seeing a specialist for some endocrine problems and I got told last week that my blood pressure is high enough for me to have a stroke. I'm to record it once a day and do everything I can to lower it. Only I know why it is high - I've spent the better part of 20 years either drunk or hungover, raging drunk or unbearably dehydrated and sick.
I'm on Day 6 now. Sometimes I feel ok, sometimes I want to bawl my eyes out, punch walls, jump out a window, scream. My BP is already down from the scary place it was last week, but I have a long way to go. I went for a walk this morning before the cold rain set in, which helped me feel that at least if I only did one good thing today, I at least did that.
I've also spent 20 years trying to be someone I am not. I married a wonderful man whose family disliked me from the start because I wasn't what they envisioned their only child marrying. I've spent 20 years trying to be better, calmer, more capable. I tried to solve that with alcohol and for awhile it made me feel better, and then slowly it started taking everything from me until it was all I could do to walk down the street - the nameless dreads and fears took over and I felt like all the demons in hell were after me.. only me.. and that other people could see what I was - someone who just shouldn't be.
It's only been six days - I keep telling myself that. I can't expect to feel anything like OK yet.
Thanks for the warm welcome you gave me when I posted here a few weeks back. I hope to be here often.
SeekingNewMe
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Hello Seeking. 
I felt very much the same way at the end of my drinking career. I had used it to get by, to pretend everything was fine, to feel comfortable in my own skin. Naturally, it never did anything but mask my troubles. I never dealt with them in a healthy way - never matured or grew normally. Staying numb was the worst thing I could've done to myself, but at the time I thought of it as fun and relaxing - an escape from reality. I was terrified to let go of it - so I continued for almost 30 yrs. In the end, I was drinking all day and completely dependent on it.
Finding SR was a miracle for me - I finally knew I wasn't alone, and never had to be again. No one in my life had the problems with alcohol that I did. Here, I could be myself and talk things over. No one judged or criticized - everyone understood. At 6 days sober, you're doing great. It's early days yet - we've abused ourselves badly and need time to heal. You will make it. Glad to have you with us.
I felt very much the same way at the end of my drinking career. I had used it to get by, to pretend everything was fine, to feel comfortable in my own skin. Naturally, it never did anything but mask my troubles. I never dealt with them in a healthy way - never matured or grew normally. Staying numb was the worst thing I could've done to myself, but at the time I thought of it as fun and relaxing - an escape from reality. I was terrified to let go of it - so I continued for almost 30 yrs. In the end, I was drinking all day and completely dependent on it.
Finding SR was a miracle for me - I finally knew I wasn't alone, and never had to be again. No one in my life had the problems with alcohol that I did. Here, I could be myself and talk things over. No one judged or criticized - everyone understood. At 6 days sober, you're doing great. It's early days yet - we've abused ourselves badly and need time to heal. You will make it. Glad to have you with us.
Keep it up! 12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Acceptance is a big word, one I had a lot of trouble understanding when I was new to sobriety. I have come to belive it is quite an empty word unless it is accompanied by some kind of action.
I admitted I was an alcoholic, first step of AA, while I was still drinking. The knowledge didn't stop my drinking. I accepted it when I sought help to deal with the problem.
A man is standing on a train line and sees a train coming. If he stays where he is, is he accepting or denying the problem. It is enevitable he will be run down. If he takes action to get out of the way, wouldn't that amount to accepting the problem by taking action.
To me it's a bit the same with alcoholism. Real acceptance is accompanied by action.
I admitted I was an alcoholic, first step of AA, while I was still drinking. The knowledge didn't stop my drinking. I accepted it when I sought help to deal with the problem.
A man is standing on a train line and sees a train coming. If he stays where he is, is he accepting or denying the problem. It is enevitable he will be run down. If he takes action to get out of the way, wouldn't that amount to accepting the problem by taking action.
To me it's a bit the same with alcoholism. Real acceptance is accompanied by action.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and congratulations with your six days. We know how difficult it can be but it does get better with time.
The things I needed to do to finally stop was get honest with myself about my drinking AND accept the fact I cannot drink alcohol in safety.
“It's only been six days - I keep telling myself that. I can't expect to feel anything like OK yet.”
That’s true but day by day it gets better and better as long as we don’t drink. You might feel proud of yourself and that’s good because so many don’t make it this long.
As was told me many years ago “keep coming, it works when we work it.” One day at a time in a row.
BE WELL
The things I needed to do to finally stop was get honest with myself about my drinking AND accept the fact I cannot drink alcohol in safety.
“It's only been six days - I keep telling myself that. I can't expect to feel anything like OK yet.”
That’s true but day by day it gets better and better as long as we don’t drink. You might feel proud of yourself and that’s good because so many don’t make it this long.
As was told me many years ago “keep coming, it works when we work it.” One day at a time in a row.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I was also told that my BP was "stroke level." Scary, isn't it? I had a panic attack at the dr. As he took my BP and it was 180 over something. Thank God it comes down with sobriety. Here's to our new healthy lives!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
I took bloodpressure medicine for several years while I was drinking.
When I quit,and started hanging out on this forum. I was kind if disappointed,because there were a lot of people talking about how their blood pressure came down a few days or weeks after they quit. While mine did not.
But I stayed sober,and low and behold it finally did come down. I think it took almost a year. I have been sober over 5 years,and it's been over 4 since i have taken any BP medicine.
Of course blood pressure is just one of the many things that got better when I quit.
Quitting was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But it is also one of the most worth while things.
I wish you the best.
Fred
When I quit,and started hanging out on this forum. I was kind if disappointed,because there were a lot of people talking about how their blood pressure came down a few days or weeks after they quit. While mine did not.
But I stayed sober,and low and behold it finally did come down. I think it took almost a year. I have been sober over 5 years,and it's been over 4 since i have taken any BP medicine.
Of course blood pressure is just one of the many things that got better when I quit.
Quitting was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But it is also one of the most worth while things.
I wish you the best.
Fred
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Sheffield, England
Posts: 317
Originally Posted by SeekingNewMe 
I can't drink anymore.
I'm seeing a specialist for some endocrine problems
I'm seeing a specialist for some endocrine problems
This really pisses me off, if only they looked up the symptoms. It totally destroys your life. I'm only 34.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Toronto
Posts: 23
Thanks so much everyone!! Winding up Day 7 here. All kinds of crazy unbearable thoughts.. but I keep telling myself the thoughts won't kill me, but drinking will.
I spent the day working - physically... helping to clean out a widow's house that has to be emptied before she sells it. What a horribly daunting and sad job. But we made some progress, and it got me out of my head. I think I only burst into tears once today so far, which is a record. My BP is even a few points lower today. But it could be a fluke.. it's quite soon to see any improvement.
Bh28: I had sudden ovarian failure about 3 years ago. Estrogen and progesterone just tanked, and I went crazy (if it was possible to go crazier than I did due to drinking). It's been 3 years of trying to find a carefully titrated hormone regime.. after ruling out various causes - there just wasn't a cause, it seemed (of course I always will wonder if drinking played a role).
I'm sorry to hear about your low T - I hope a solution can be found. You are so young.
Thanks again everyone. I feel less alone.
SNM
I spent the day working - physically... helping to clean out a widow's house that has to be emptied before she sells it. What a horribly daunting and sad job. But we made some progress, and it got me out of my head. I think I only burst into tears once today so far, which is a record. My BP is even a few points lower today. But it could be a fluke.. it's quite soon to see any improvement.
Bh28: I had sudden ovarian failure about 3 years ago. Estrogen and progesterone just tanked, and I went crazy (if it was possible to go crazier than I did due to drinking). It's been 3 years of trying to find a carefully titrated hormone regime.. after ruling out various causes - there just wasn't a cause, it seemed (of course I always will wonder if drinking played a role).
I'm sorry to hear about your low T - I hope a solution can be found. You are so young.
Thanks again everyone. I feel less alone.
SNM
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by Nevertheless
I took bloodpressure medicine for several years while I was drinking.
When I quit,and started hanging out on this forum. I was kind if disappointed,because there were a lot of people talking about how their blood pressure came down a few days or weeks after they quit. While mine did not.
But I stayed sober,and low and behold it finally did come down. I think it took almost a year. I have been sober over 5 years,and it's been over 4 since i have taken any BP medicine.
Of course blood pressure is just one of the many things that got better when I quit.
Quitting was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But it is also one of the most worth while things.
I wish you the best.
Fred
When I quit,and started hanging out on this forum. I was kind if disappointed,because there were a lot of people talking about how their blood pressure came down a few days or weeks after they quit. While mine did not.
But I stayed sober,and low and behold it finally did come down. I think it took almost a year. I have been sober over 5 years,and it's been over 4 since i have taken any BP medicine.
Of course blood pressure is just one of the many things that got better when I quit.
Quitting was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But it is also one of the most worth while things.
I wish you the best.
Fred
I still feel quite anxious from time to time, including tonight and still have that feeling of my heart beating in my chest. I will check with my doctor.
How many others had their extremely high BP come down to normal when you stopped drinking completely? I would love to hear your experiences.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 30
"It's now just six days" it's very huge for alcoholic. Like me, I don't even know if I have to stop my drinking and if I will do it I don't know how to start. Just always think that you have to do a good thing everyday of your life. Thank you for sharing this post.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: milwaukee, wi
Posts: 48
i just got out of detox monday nite. that was horrible. now the REAL work starts. i searched in the middle of the nite for webites when this one popped up. iit is exactly what i am looking for. it has been very friendly and i felt welcome immediately. Thank you so much to everyone. i will recommend this to anyone who wants to listen. sober 2 days now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,867
Welcome, SeekingNewMe, to SR, and congratulations on 8 Days of sobriety.
'Acceptance', for me, was 90% of the battle.
With your acceptance, you are off to a great start!!!!
Again, welcome and congratulations.
'Acceptance', for me, was 90% of the battle.
With your acceptance, you are off to a great start!!!!
Again, welcome and congratulations.
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