sb1969

scares me to death. I would like to but I suffer from social anxiety. I don't think I could stand up and talk in front of people that I don't know. These forums are so much easier for me.

BarbieKen

I am shy at public speaking myself. I've been going to AA Meetings for almost 2 years though. No one,absolutetly no one, makes me speak up. Funny, I have been of service in quite a few ways in these last 2 years. I don't find speaking in front of the group uncomfortable when, for instance, I'm giving out chips. But, those times I've gone out of my comfort zones. ....well, my heart races and I have no idea if I made any sense! I always feel better after my meetings. Being a good listener is really important. I know you'll be welcomed at any meeting you choose. It'll be ok.
. Bobbi

bigsombrero

You don't have to talk at meetings, any more than you'd have to talk if you attended a lecture at a college. Some people raise their hand, most don't. Of course you'll be nervous, but talking is completely optional. If you'd like to go, maybe find a bigger meeting that will have lots of people there, you can just kind of blend into the crowd. I myself don't use AA much but I have been many times. I prefer the big meetings and just listening. Good luck!

NYCDoglvr

You don't have to stand up and talk in front of people. You don't have to say anything or even say you're an alcoholic. Just go and sit there, listen to what others have to say. Remember, "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking." That's it!

DuhDave

...a few speaker meetings in your area. All you have to do is sit...and listen. Thats all. If anyone asks you to read anything...just say..."No thank You".

It's really very harmless. We tend to blow it out of proportion before we even give it a try. I know I did...and I now see it was silly.

I have learned so much...I learned...I'am not alone with this problem...and other people are more than willing to help me...all you have to do is go...reach out...and let them work with you.

Good luck.

Dave

Tamerua

I am extremely shy and I'm going on 2 years in the program. The first year, the most I said was my name. And that is ok! Most meetings need more listeners anyway.

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

Fly N Buy

I have seen many people in the months I have been there simply listen. Over time they share as there heart directs.....

We all sit, no standing up. Other member suggested speaker meeting - good idea!

Sounds like you have a desire to try it. Maybe at some point you will be ready, no rush - don't drink is a really good start>

Glad you're here and staying sober!!! That the key - you'll find your way no doubt!

fly

Ms Marie

I went today for the first time. I didn't feel pressure to say anything, I just listened.
Good Luck.

Gottalife

I was blessed with the same problem. It was something like six weeks before I felt able to say anything. In actual fact it was far better for me to listen, and I learned a great deal in that time because I wasn't thinking about what I might say if I was asked. I just said I'm Mike, I'm an alcoholic and I am just listening thank you. Then I got back to looking at the floor, and listening to the experience of others.

It worked out ok, I haven't needed to drink since, 34 years.

Hope4Life

Go. Smile. Respond when someone welcomes you. Listen. Look for the similarities and not the differences.

If you are asked to speak all you have to say is "pass".

I recommend that you 'try' to be social with the other members in attendance. As a newcomer, you will be welcomed by the fellowship. Stick around after the meeting and, no doubt, someone will introduce themselves. Could be a new friend.... or your future sponsor... or just someone who wants to welcome you. It may take a few meetings but I am sure your fears will ease after listening to folks share their experience, strength and hope.

I was also terrified the 1st meeting.... but when I walked up the steps there was a nice guy who put his hand out and introduced himself. He bought me the Big Book after the meeting and we have become friends now.

I was isolating (for years) before I attended my first meeting. That was a little over 8 months ago. Now I have several close personal friends that I met in AA. I am the secretary for our weekly Men's meeting. I am working the steps with a great sponsor (and friend) whom I listen to and take direction from. My life has changed 100% for the better.

Good Luck!

OklaBH

That's a big misconception. Just show up and listen. You won't regret going. If you decide it's not for you, no big deal. Either way it will help your sobriety

Hawks

I can't think of one person who was thrilled at the prospect of going to AA.

But I know a lot of people who are thrilled that they plucked up the courage and went.

zjw

i was sober a year then people here encouraged me to go. You dont have to go you can sit on the boards and do wtvr works for you.

I will say tho AA helped i dont go often but it helps. You dont have to speak.

The biggest issue i had the first time I went was I asked myself how the heck did my life end up here? That was sobering. Seeing grown men cry etc.. I wondered if my life was finally in the toilet since i was at AA or if it was actually now going to get better?

Fast forward now when I go I hear other peoples stories and I feel awful for them. Sometimes its hard to stomach. Other people say things that mean so much and are so beneficial to others. Others have very good stories. Its nice to be there and contribute any way that i can. But it stinks I wish i could just wipe other peoples troubles away sometimes but I cant. I always say if I was wealthy i'd be broke becuase I'd just give it all away.

Theres nothing wrong with going. The lack of socialization skills and social anxiety is probably why I cant seem to make friends there however. I've come out of my shell a little and tried but quickly retreated. So for me I show up i sometimes say a few words otherwise i just listen and leave it at that.

CAPTAINZING2000

The first meeting you go to, they ask if, there is a newcommer attending their first meeting. People will say their first name, if it's their first meeting or new to the area.
As others have suggested, you don't have to speak.

Just sit and listen to what other people have to say. A lot of times, people are telling your life story when they share.

SoberLeigh

If it is something that you would like to do, sb, go for it. I have no personal experience but, as others have said, you don't have to share and, if things become too much for you, you can always leave.

Hope you go, hope it goes well and that you take away something positive from the experience. who knows, you may find another great support system.

LexieCat

As everyone here has pointed out, no requirement to speak at all, and if you do speak, you usually do it from where you're sitting (unless you are the FEATURED speaker at a speaker's meeting).

Here is my favorite resource on What to Expect at Your First AA Meeting It's written by a social worker, not someone affiliated with AA, and it is extremely accurate.

I hope you will give it a chance.

aasharon90

For me, I didn't want to drink and I
didn't want to die. Of course this was
after family intervened on and authorities
too me to rehab back in 1990. It was
there I spent 28 days learning about
my addiction and useful, helpful, healthy
ways to not drink each day once I returned
home.

A program of recovery consisting of
steps and principles I learned how
to work so that I could incorporate
them into my everyday affairs was
and still is the foundation I built my
life upon to live each day I didn't drink.

Many suggestions were offered to me
to guide me thru each day to help me
stay sober. One was to attend AA meetings
where I could and would learn new
lessons on how to live life on lifes terms
each day I didn't drink.

Another reason why I went to meetings
was so that I could be around or surrounded
by others just like me. Folks that understood
me as I to them without any questions.

As a mom and wife, I took care of my
duties at home and incorporated meetings
at noon and evening. Yes, I was scared
of going many times, but over time I found
what worked for me to break the awkwardness
was by baking and bringing trays loaded with
yummy goodies for members to enjoy along
with their coffee.

In doing so, I suited up, showed up, listened,
absorbed, learned and applied all that I needed
from each meeting to help me stay sober
a many one days at a time down the road.

My little part of service work has kept me
sober for 24 yrs. now and am grateful for
all those who paved the recovery path for
me to follow with all their ESH - experiences,
strengths and hopes of what their lives were
like before, during and after their drinking
with me so that I could live a happy, healthy,
honest life for yrs to come.

CupofJoe

I understand where you're coming from. For my first few meetings, I walked right up to the door, took a deep breath, gathered up all my courage--and ran for the hills!

It took a few tries before I got the courage to go in. My first meeting, I didn't say a word and ran out as soon as it was over. But I still remember the relief I felt that it was just a bunch of normal people. When I did finally speak up, everyone was really friendly and nice.

A lot of us suffer from social anxiety, so you're not alone. Like others have said, you don't have to talk if you don't want to.

Also, as an incredibly shy, socially anxiety ridden introvert, I found that eventually I could become comfortable talking one on one with people after the meeting. I can talk in meetings now and it's not scary. But it took some getting used to.

(As a side note, I got therapy for social anxiety a couple of years after I got sober and it did wonders. There's hope for that, too. )

Best to you.

doggonecarl

Has your social anxiety ever prevented you from getting alcohol? Getting drunk?

I'm guessing, no. Then don't let it prevent you from getting sober.

SoberCAH

The threshhold on the door of everyone's first AA meeting seems like it's 30' wide.

Of course I was afraid of going to AA and wanted to get sober without doing it.

And my first AA meeting was pretty bad (in the auditorium of the hospital where i went to treatment).

But when I got out of treatment, I started going to AA out of fear and desparation at the notion of drinking again.

Then, a funny thing happened - I made friends and started to like it.

Your posting this thread took a lot of courage.

I hope that you follow it up with giving AA a chance.

BTW, Sharon, your assessment of recovery and AA is certainly on the money from my standpoint.

Best.