This disease
 

I hate drinking now. It used to feel like the best thing in the world. Now it feels like the worst job ever. I don't want to drink anymore but I can't stop.

Hello and Welcome, "can't stop" you can stop
That's why you are here at SR, To get help and support from people that did stop. You will like this website.

Again welcome to the forum

I noticed that you are not new to SR. My bad. I read one of your early posts in mid October. Dee said this:The way I stopped was...

I got rid of all the booze in my house.

I did not buy anymore.

I did not put myself in situations where alcohol was available

I used the support of this community.

and change happened

One of my kayaking buddies (who did not know I was an alcoholic) once quipped to me, "there's just no worse feeling than being trashed." Of course at the time I found myself wondering what planet the guy was from. But as I accumulate more sober time, that statement rings true. Whenever I think about drinking, I remind myself how it feels after that initial wave of pleasant euphoria washes away and you keep drinking more and more to keep chasing that buzz. It feels like shite.

You can do this lebroncavs!!

If there is no alcohol in your house, you won't drink so pour it all out and make this Day 1, after that build in some support and a plan to make sure no more alcohol ends up in your house and you are nowhere near alcohol.

Practical steps to make it happen, everyone has it within themselves to turn things around!! :)

I used to have hope. When my grandma died I gave up for the most part. It's so impossible to live this life without her.

Have you considered grief counselling at all lebroncavs?

D

People say that I can stop. If I could I'd have done it years ago.

My heart fell into my stomach when I read this; I hope my grandsons never feel this way; I would bet my absolute last dollar that your grandmother would not want this for you. I am sure that her love for you was enormous and she would want a beautiful sober life for you.

You CAN do this, lebroncavs.!!!!!

doing the same old things over and over again I couldn't stop.
Doing things differently, I stopped.

Think about what you've tried in the past, bh - what things haven't you tried - what could you do differently?

D

First thing, nice username.

Second, you can stop. You have to want to do though. No one in the world can get you sober, except you. I'm not sure how much you drink or how often, but detoxing might be needed. I'd see your DR either way.

Good luck.

Listen: don't drink today. Just today. That's how it's done. I've been sober 23 years and each anniversary I'm astonished. The person I know myself to be couldn't not drink for two decades. It's only today I don't drink.

Some people can get sober on their own but I couldn't. I hated AA at first but I was desperate, almost died from booze and it was the only option open to me. I found incredible love and support from other drunks who carried me through the very tough part (I cried every day for three months) until I could feel comfortable being in my own skin. Then real recovery began, with cognitive therapy and the 12 Steps.

One of the most amazing things I'd ever heard was during the first week: "you don't have to drink today." HUH? Honestly I believed I had to drink until I blacked out, typically a magnum of wine daily for years.

So sorry to hear about your grandmother. Mine passed away about 11 months ago and I still miss her. It's amazing how much we can love our grandmothers. I'm sure yours was very special.

If you're really struggling, like Dee mentioned, maybe grief counseling could help?

I felt the same way about drinking. I hated it and yet had such a hard time stopping I thought it was impossible. Turns out it wasn't.

AA helped me more than I can say (and I absolutely hated it at first), but other people have gotten sober through SR, Smart Recovery, Rational Recovery, rehab, or through therapy. Or other ways, too. The important thing is to find something and stick with it.

You only have to not drink a day at a time to start getting better. And if a day at a time is too hard (like it was for me at first), you can do an hour at a time, or even half hour at a time. It's possible. Honest. :)

Wishing you well. :)

I don't know where to begin, but I certainly know how you are feeling. Today I have 111 days sober. This is the longest period of sobriety in my life over the past 21 years, and I am 35 now. Unfortunately, I am having one of my hard days and the ole brain is going nuts and wants to drink. But your posting has given me new strength for the day.

If you are really a hardcore drinker such as I was (drank from 7am-passing out around 11pm usually). I didn't work, I rarely got out of bed, I didn't obviously drive, I had groceries and booze delivered, I didn't shower for days on end, I barely ate, etc etc. If you drink heavy every day it can be quite dangerous to just quit cold turkey. I have been hospitalized three times for detoxing and I would recommend you have some sort of medical attention if you plan to do it, depending on your level of intake. Some drink four glasses of wine a day and you can usually walk out of that without medical attention, but if you are a liter or more of alcohol per day, you can easily experience very serious complications. I checked myself into New Vision medical stabilization program. It isn't available in every state, but i traveled to mine because the local unit was booked full. Most states and hospitals offer some form of medically supervised detox.

I am sorry to hear you are struggling and I would love to offer some help in any way possible. If you really want it, it is achievable, but it is not going to be easy nor fun. I am not going to sugar coat anything. You will be sick, you will have terrible nightmares, you will stink terribly as you detox, you might even have hallucinations like I did, and you probably won't sleep much. Be prepared! Nutrition is very important and I would say exercise is also, but not initially, you won't be able to do much nor feel like it.

AA isn't necessarily for me, but I enjoy the people. Over the many years I have been attending, I go to stay sober that day or moment but also to see and talk to the folks in my home group. The love and support is awesome, regardless how I feel about the steps and traditions. But sober is sober, no matter what you do to achieve it. I am a new member on this forum but it seems like some nice people here. I tend to draw towards newly sober members because they are the ones who are experiencing what you are the closest. If you can get to a meeting, get to a beginners meeting that is usually in your hours of cravings or when you would normally start drinking. Most people attend at lunch or around the 5-7pm hours of the day. One thing that I offer as advice, when you are at a meeting and if someone says something you don't agree with and you are super cranky and irritable, just go outside and get some air and come back inside when you have calmed down. I struggle with long timers and the occasional arrogance and pompous attitude they sometimes have. Do what you can to absorb the love and know you are surrounded by people who have been in your shoes or are still wearing them. Eventually you will start feeling better and it will be like rainbows are shooting out of your butt. When you start... make sure you fight and fight and fight for your sobriety, even if that means losing friends and not attending any events or restaurants that serve alcohol. This is your life and you want to keep it. I found that counting days on the calendar made me crave, so I use an app called Sober Day. It keeps track and gives you nice little notes each day. I could go on for hours, but we are all here in support for you. :You_Rock_:c011:

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kevin